(Closed) Should I offer to help pay for my e-ring?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

If it works for you two, there is no reason not to help pay for it.  Once you are married its “our” money legally, so it doesnt matter legally where the money comes from and who has more money once married.

It will only matter if it matters to you two. Some people may not like the idea because of tradition or if they interpret the situation to mean something else (like he cant manage his money or doesnt care enough etc) which is not a reflection of what your situation really is.  Only you know that.

Post # 4
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I had a sizeable amount in savings when we decided on a ring to buy. So to help with the downpayment, I offered him my savings to use – which he then paid back to me over time.

If he was open to the idea, go ahead and bring up the topic again if you want. You can just say, whenever you’re ready to move forward with the ring buying process, I’d be happy to help financially to make it happen. Go from there!

Post # 5
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Also, we are both financially stable and were able to afford to buy the ring without putting anything on credit, but my contribution helped move the process along a little quicker. Just wanted to add that.

Post # 6
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@GreenEyedMoon:  I think if you’re comfortable with it, its fine but do make sure you’re really comfortable with the idea and won’t resent it down the line.  

Post # 7
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Sure, why not offer.  Do you guys live together?  If you do, you could also pay for more of the household expenses for a while, so that he can save up for the ring.

Post # 9
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

First off, Congratulations on your new job!!  I know how hard it is to find good jobs these days.

 

I’ve told my bf I’ll help him pay for the ring, and he made a weird noise that was a sort of snort-like scoff at my suggestion, so I don’t think he’ll let me have any say.

If I were to bring it up again, however, I would try to be a bit smoother.  Maybe I’d show him a really pretty, but more expensive, ring that I like and be like, “Oh I love it because it is (big name brand) and they have really nice stuff!! I don’t mind paying for good quality…”  If he doesn’t get the hint (he’s a bit thick sometimes, bless him) I’ll just keep talking about how I would be happy to contribute to something I will be wearing for the rest of my life.

Post # 12
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I have wondered the same thing. I even offered to give money to SO, but I think he is too proud to let me pay for it. It is “his” thing and he wants to do it “right”.  That’s fine with me as long as he doesn’t make me wait forever! If he can’t afford it soon, I am willing to give him some money to use toward it but he wants me to keep my money and use it for other things for us (house, emergency fund, etc). If he doesn’t do it soon, I’m going to ask again.

As much as it sucks going against tradition and ruining the surprise (to an extent) I don’t think it is wrong to help pay. Once you get married your money will be his and vice versa, so it’s not a huge difference if you now.  If you are willing and happy to do it (don’t do it if you think you will regret it later) then go ahead and ask again. Maybe he is waiting for you to ask but is too scared?  Good luck either way!! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

I say if it works for the two of you go for it! If you are in the position of knowing you want to be together, then why not.

Post # 14
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If he is open to the idea and you feel okay about it, then I don’t see the problem with it. The only hesitation I would have would be regarding him feeling kind of offended or as though it’s a jab to his manhood. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I offered to pay for part of the ring. My SO seems open to it, but I’m not sure he will take me up on it – I think it depends which ring we choose. He originally had a very low budget in mind and a simple style, but I wanted something with a little bit more bling. I told him since that is what I wanted, I felt comfy paying the extra over what he feels comfy paying. For example, we recently won a nice sum of money on a lottery ticket, and we were going to use it to pay for a vacation we are taking, but instead, I told him to put it towards the ring (even though half of the winnings are technically “mine”)…in the end it is “our” money and even though the ring is a gift from him, I told him we are equal partners and it is “our” ring and makes sense for us both to contribute if he is comfy with it. This way I get what I want and he doesn’t have to break the bank or go into debt. We are both financially stable and live together, so it’s no big deal. I don’t feel weird about it at all.

Post # 16
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I helped pay for my engagment and wedding ring..

since then im sure he has spent well over what I put into my ring (on us & myself)

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