(Closed) Should I, or shouldn't I?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I attend his cousin's wedding?
    Yes, you have made it this far! You are strong enough! : (50 votes)
    81 %
    No girl, you've been down this road before. Why'd you wanna go down it again? : (12 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    9147 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Would you really regret it and/or feel bad about yourself f if you didn’t go? ( you know that  clichéd but true saying  about only regretting the things you didn’t do    , not the things   you did)

    It sounds  like a frightening thing for you , to be around them and I can see why! . But , if your fiancé  and godparents are there to buffer you   , it might   be doable . Of course, only you can  know . Good luck OP .

    Post # 17
    Member
    3001 posts
    Sugar bee

    Contact the happy couple and explain that you are recovering from an eating disorder and so can’t attend the wedding..  Ask to meet up soon after the wedding and honeymoon so that you can officially meet them for the first time as a married couple. Tell them that you are delighted for them.  Then arrange a firm date.

    From a new bride’s point of view it’s difficult to talk meaningfully  to everyone at a wedding and it can intimidating to have to meet your husband’s family but there is something very nice about relatives who want to meet you after the wedding as a married couple.  It means that you are welcomed and accepted. 

    (This is particularly important if the bride is about to become part of a disfunctional family.)

    From your point of view you can celebrate when you all meet up without any of the usual pressures and you might gain a new friend.

     

    Post # 18
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I voted go, because you said you came a long way. I think you can’t avoid stressfull situations your whole life and this is a good cause to see how far you’ve actually come. Just the fact that you don’t know what to do says to me that you are strong, but that fear is holding you back. You are stronger than you think, and if you go and you’re fine after that will give a mega confidence boost. If you’re not fine that will help to guide you, to keep working till you are where you need to be, In My Humble Opinion.

    But I don’t know alot about mental issues, you and your therapist know better if you’re ready or not.

    Post # 19
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    Is the wedoing local to you? If so, and you really want to go to the ceremony, could you plan to sneak into the back just before it starts? That way hopefully the family drama could be avoided. You could slip out as soon as it’s over and leave if you didn’t want to attend the reception. 

    Eating disordeds are tough stuff. A close relative of mine has been to inpatient treatment and has been really open with their thought processes and how ED works. Only you know if you are “recovered enough” to be around the potentially dramatic family situation. 

    If you really want to go, I say go for it! Just know it may be rough and the ED/depressive monsters may rear their heads and you need to be ready to mentally fight back those thoughts. Simply the fact that you know it may be rough tells me that you are winning the recovery war! 

    If you don’t want to put yourself in that situation, that’s 100% okay! If you really want to connect with the couple, tell them you are sorry you can’t make the wedding, but would love to have them over for dinner or take them out for an evening after they return from their honeymoon (if they are local) or next time you are in their town (if they are not local). 

    Don’t go because of perceived social pressure or fr fear of possible regret. Only go if you truly want to be there! 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1651 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    anon_888:  That family sounds like a “hot mess”  if I were you Id keep my distance and peace of mind. Bow out gracefully. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Have you decided which you’ll do?

    Post # 22
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    You have to protect your recovery and your mental health.  That’s it.  Only you can say whether you’ve come far enough to go.  Do what feels safest for you, and don’t let people guilt you into going.  

    Post # 23
    Member
    3064 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    mightywombat:  She can’t avoid triggering situations forever. Part of recovery is learning how to deal with stress in healthy ways. If she lets this 5 hours wedding reception derail her recovery, thats on her. I understand her concern but you can’t hide from life- there will always be things that will come up that are stressful and horrible. 

    View original reply
    anon_888:  Just go, ask to be seated far away from them and if they try to engage with you guys leave. You can do it!

    I know the above sounded harsh  If I am wrong ( which I really could be-so don’t flame me please with all the YOU DONT KNOW ME, lol) and you really are super worried about falling off the recovery wagon  then just RSVP no and send a nice gift. easy as that!

    Just my 2 cents

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
    Post # 24
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    View original reply
    anon_888:  This sounds like such a difficult situation. I do not think there is really a right or wrong answer to the situation. 

    First, I think it is so amazing that you have sought help and are in the process of recovering from these difficulties you have faced. Not everyone has the strength to seek help. And let’s face it, we all struggle with something in our lives.  

    From a mental health/emotional health perspective, I think  you need to consider how seeing the parents would affect your recovery. At some point in your recovery, you may be able to see them. Is that time now?

    I also agree with many of the previous posts about calling the bride. She is also marrying into this family, so I’m sure she is aware about the dysfunction and can relate to how you are feeling (on some level). 

    Another suggestion, if you do decide to attend the wedding, and start to feel uncomfortable at any point, you can always leave. Or maybe just attend the ceremony, and sit away from the parents; that way you can still be a part of this day (and let the bride know that this may happen ahead of time). 

    If you are seeing a therapist, and this somehow triggers you, continue to see him/her, whatever happens, this can be a stepping stone in your recovery process. 

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