Post # 1
I am getting married in July of this year, not a huge wedding, something small and intimate. I wanted to ask my father for some funds towards the wedding. My issue is, that my father and I have had an on again off again relationship. I seen him in June 2007 at my aunts funeral and we didn’t speak. The last time I seen him was like October of last year, we were actually in the same elevator, I was already on the elevator, and when he stepped on he actually looked right at me, and didn’t even acknowlege me. I just want a couple of grand for my wedding, to pay for a small venue and my dress. Should I ask him or shouldn’t I?
Post # 3
Honestly I wouldn’t ask him. If you two barely have a relationship already, it seems sort of presumptious that you think he would give you money for a wedding.
Post # 4
I agree with not asking him. If he offers, fine, but if not don’t do it. It’d be way too awkward.
Post # 5
Hmm, that’s a tough one. Have you talked to him about the wedding? Does he know all about your plans, and is he invited? Do you plan to include him at all? (i.e., walking you down the aisle, etc.)
Honestly, my natural inclination is that couples should have the wedding they can afford, however, if parents/relatives/etc. want to help, that’s fine too.
Perhaps if you haven’t done so already, you could invite him over, or meet somewhere for coffee and discuss your wedding plans with him, and see if he offers any sort of assistance.
If you have already discussed the wedding with him, or he is hesitant to meet, I would not ask him.
Post # 6
Personally, I would feel uncomfortable asking my parents for money towards the wedding – and we have a good relationship. I think it’s best to see if they offer to pay for anything. Does your father even know that you are getting married and planning a wedding?
Post # 7
No. You don’t have a good relationship–why would he give you money? He’s not even making an effort IMo. I’m sorry =(
Post # 8
I don’t think I would ask him. Since you don’t really have a relationship it will be difficult and uncomfortable to ask for money.
Post # 9
He knows nothing about nothing. Actually his side of the family is totally cut off. I want to thank all of you for the advice. I had been going back and forth with this decision, I really think it would be BEST if I didn’t ask him for anything. To Gabby, honestly he’s not even worth walking me down the aisle of a bus. So I will be sticking to my original plans!!! A HAPPY WEDDING!! THANKS GUYS.
Post # 10
keep us posted, Passion. I am having kind of the same problem about my dad walking me down the aisle.
Post # 11
I would call your father and tell him you are getting married. Then I would say, “What do you feel comfortable in contributing?”
He needs to take some responsibility. If he says, “$1,000.00” Right then and there, I would say ‘I will have the venue call you for your credit card information, if that’s alright with you.’ AND THEN DO IT. Let them give you a $1,000.00 credit right there on the spot and add it to your deposit.
If he says, no. It’s no. Then I wouldn’t invite him. Really.
But if he pays, he may want to invite some friends or a date. Are you ready for this? He may want to walk you down the aisle.
You should at least call him on his paternity and give him an opportunity to ante up and be a man.
Post # 12
I personally I don’t think you should ask for the money especially since the relationship is non-existent. I would feel guilty later on just calling on him to ask for money. BUT only you know the real situation. Do what’s best for you and your family.
We get along with most of our parents and we didn’t have to ask. They told us from the get-go what they can and wanted to contributed whether it was money or services.
Post # 13
I actually second momma. As much as family can stink (I am marrying into a bad one), events like this give us an opportunity to see if improvements can be made.
I think you owe it to yourself to give your father a chance to be a father. If he steps up, well, great. If he doesn’t, you don’t have a thing in the world to regret, which is also great.
More than anything, this reminds me of my best friend’s wife. When they got married (same sex), her father announced he wouldn’t attend. Of course that was very painful. BUT, she still accepted whatever contribution he wanted to make, which was in this case some family crystal he sent her. She used it in the wedding. A year later, there relationship is a smidge better, but not much. But she feels good knowing that she has kept the door open without being a door mat.
Post # 14
I think you should work on building a relationship with your father before you accept his cash. I understand where you are coming from; although it doesn’t sit right with me.
Maybe phone him and mention the wedding and if he offers, take it – but try to build a relationship with him, you only get 1 dad 🙂
If he dosen’t offer I wouldn’t ask, these days there’s no requirement for parents to fund the wedding and if he says no then it might stir up some bad blood for the future.
Lastly – good luck xx
Post # 15
I would say, don’t ask. He knows you are getting married and if he wanted to give or could give he would offer himself.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t ask, because I’ve always believe that it is presumptious of childrent to assum that they are entitled to anything from their parents. My parents have worked hard all their life, whatever they can contribute, they will. But I would not ask, and we have a great relationship. And honestly, father or not, isn’t it rude to ask for money when you may not even invite him to the wedding??