(Closed) Should I overstep the MOH?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should I handle the un-motivated MOH, who won't plan a bachlorette and shower - or ask for help?
    Wait until August, if no planning has been done start planning yourself. : (2 votes)
    10 %
    Tell the MOH that you are concerned, and start panning with her. : (10 votes)
    48 %
    Tell the MOH and that you are concerned and offer to plan the events for her. : (8 votes)
    38 %
    Talk to the bride :( : (1 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Well, I wouldn’t talk to the bride because A.) It will definitely upset her, and cause her serious concern where there doesn’t need to be any (I’m sure she’s going through enough planning the wedding WITHOUT adding fighting with her Maid/Matron of Honor to the itinerary).

    I would talk to this Maid/Matron of Honor though. It sounds like she is more concerned with her move than the bride. Do you know why the bride picked her? Either way, I would do everything I could to just get these events planned and pulled off without deliberately making the Maid/Matron of Honor look bad. Call her, tell her that even though you think she might still be able to pull these events off in the remaining amount of time, you are concerned its not enough time to do them well … not alone anyway. INFORM her, dont ask, that you are going to start putting some things together and will keep her posted on everything you do, so the shower can still be from the both of you.

    Thats all I got … good luck!

    Post # 4
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    BMs are responsible for planning these parties too! If there is something going wrong, then you must step in as well. Speak to the Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her you will start planning at least 1 of the parties. You don’t have to ask for her permission– just tell her you’re doing it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    898 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree, you should just call and tell her that you are planning already. Even if she gets mad, you have a valid point, and just let her know exactly what you’ve told us.

    Post # 6
    Member
    999 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2010 - Mr. P's Grandparents’ Ranch

    I also agree, just be honest and tell her what your sharing here, I think nothing stop you from steping on any aspect of the planning. Good Luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    DO NOT talk to the Bride!  It will just upset her and stress her out even more.  Can you offer to have one of the events at your home or parents’ home?  That way you can help more in the finer details.  Or ask her to send an email to the rest of the bridesmaids to see what they would like to help with.  This way it is divided up amongst all of you. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    From your own relationship with the bride, what do think her feelings on the matter are?  I ask because I’m getting married in mid-October and don’t really care about showers and bachelorettes AT ALL.  The only reason I’m having a shower is because one of my bridesmaids (I didn’t choose a MOH) called me up and told me that she was going to plan it and wanted to know dates when I was free.  So if you think the bride is equally unmotivated as the Maid/Matron of Honor, you might want to talk to her to find out what she wants…but if you think it will upset her, I vote for speaking to the Maid/Matron of Honor and offering to plan it yourself.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2819 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Maybe rather than just offering to help plan…next time you talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor, mention that you’d checked out X dates, and thought that X location might be nice, and wouldn’t it be cool if you had X theme? Maybe if you’re putting forward ideas, she might be more willing to accept your assistance.

    Moving is stressful, and if the Maid/Matron of Honor is a procrastinator by nature, then this could just be a really bad combination. Unfortunately, you have to make the most of it.

    I would try to involve the other BMs if you can, but THROUGH the Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe suggest that you all get in on planning, so that you "know how your money’s being spent". 

    I’m with the other posters, though. Don’t talk to the bride, unless there’s really no alternative. 

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