(Closed) Should I Pay For Her Dress?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I Offer To Pay For It?
    Yes : (0 votes)
    No : (13 votes)
    76 %
    Other, I'll Explain : (4 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2207 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I think you should talk to her.  When the dress is picked and she doesnt order it (which she might do) ask her if the price concerns her explain you know she is in a tight spot.  Only then, if she mentions its going to be an issue, offer to pay for it AS LONG AS SHE DOESNT TELL THE OTHER GIRLS.  I wouldnt offer it way up front without knowing first if she will have an issue with it. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    493 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I say don’t pay for it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1580 posts
    Bumble bee

    You shouldn’t offer to pay for her dress unless you can do it without having a chip on your shoulder about it. From your post, it sounds like you wouldn’t be able to do that. When the time comes to order dresses and if she doesn’t want to/ can’t pay for it, then maybe she will gracefully bow out of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, if that is what you want. At that time, if you really want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I suppose you will pay for the dress. Do you live near her? Has she been willing to go dress shopping or even look online at any options with you?

    Post # 6
    Member
    2475 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I wouldn’t offer to pay for the dress if you feel that weird about it.  You sound pretty resentful of her actions (understandably) so I don’t think begrudgingly buying her dress would really do any good. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m kind of in the same situation. Both of my BMs are pretty broke right now. One has massive amounts of debt and only works a part time serving job and the other texts me asking where she should apply for jobs and if my work is hiring. Finding her a job is not my problem. I work so hard and I’m planning a wedding so I don’t have time to think about anyone else’s financial problems. I’m super nervous about picking BMs dresses becuase I know that they are going to have a tough time paying for them. I’ve also considered paying for the dresses myself as well, but have decided against it. Why? Becuase on girl smokes (which in my opinion is an expense that could be eliminated) and buys new electronics and clothes all the time, and the other girl goes to the bars every weekend. If they have disposable income to spend on these things, then I don’t see why they can’t buy a dress for my wedding. They would probably buy a dress for the wedding anyways if they weren’t in it and only invited.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1580 posts
    Bumble bee

    oh, moderndaisy, that totally stinks! I hate it when people don’t respond to my emails (although I send multiple daily 🙂 ). That is a tough situation. You should have a heart to heart with her and let her know how you’re feeling about her lack of involvement and support.

    Post # 11
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee

    Has she ASKED you to pay for her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress?  If not, she should know when she accepted that it’s part of the deal…  I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who is a broke PhD student living overseas (and flying here for the wedding!) who didn’t ask me to pay for her dress – and she doesn’t have 2 nickels to rub together.  I didn’t offer for her – I just said to get me her measurements so I could buy her dress a blue gown for Christmas. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1757 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    This is a rough situation! To me, it almost seems like if you offer to pay for it, it’ll be like you’re essentially paying her to take an interest in your wedding. It’s definitely true that no one cares as much about your wedding as you do, so I don’t think it’s realistic to expect her to suddenly go all gung ho. But I do think you need to sit down with her and really talk about what’s happened with your friendship. And that’s key – focus more on your friendship than your wedding.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I suggest that you have a heart to heart conversation with her and let her know what you are feeling about her seeming lack of interest in your wedding. based on that conversation, you can decide if you want to foot the bill for her dress.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee

    if you pay for hers, you should probably pay for all your other bridesmaids’, just to be fair. however, since you don’t feel as close to her any more and she’s been selfish, why bother? i think you are being very kind to still keep her as one of your bridesmaids already.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I voted no. I totally sympathize with people strapped for cash, especially if they put themselves through school, because I did the same thing. However, she doesn’t sound like the kind of person that would appreciate it, and I get the feeling that while you still value her friendship and want her in the wedding, if would bother you if she wasn’t appreciative, especially since you participated in her wedding without complaining about money all the time.

    It really bothers me when people outwardly complain about money. Money is a very sensitive topic for people, and while I’m not poor, I’m nowhere near making what I think I should be. But I don’t go around telling people that, of course. And you’re getting married and saving for a wedding. That’s definitely a financial burden, and she should know since she got married, too.

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