- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I’m a little late to this game, but I want to tell you MY story as I was in debt.
I moved abroad in 2008 and immediately met someone great! We began dating and it got very serious, we started talking about engagement/marriage, but I knew I had a BIG secret to tell. I was $60K in debt, 40K consumer/20Kstudent loans. During college and until I was 26, I maxed out credit card after credit card, all the while making minimum payments. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to marry me if I told him and we both had very good paying jobs and he had already saved around 100k himself.
In late 2009, I told him. I felt guilty about it. It didn’t bother him at all, he still loved me and wanted to marry me, but he helped me budget so that in a year and a half I had paid it ALL off myself. I wouldn’t never asked him to pay it off. I continued to pay my share of living expenses as well, so he had NO help in paying off my debt, other than drawing up a plan for me (which sounds stupid, but it worked). I can now say I have converted to a “SAVER” and we have over $400K in savings! I’m kicking myself for not beginning saving sooner.
Anyway, you paying off his debt will TEACH HIM NOTHING. I’d move in with him and pay half his mortgage, which he should pay directly to his debt. Then after you are married, I’d probably still not pay off his debt, I’d maybe pay more on the mortgage. I also don’t see how he can support you if he can barely pay all his bills currently. And as others have said, of course he doesn’t want a pre-nup if he has all that debt and you have all that cash. It could be a deal breaker for me. Please just keep your eyes open as you stated in your first post that you thought you were being USED. If you think that even a little…trust yourself and really consider.
I also just want to add, that it has taken YEARS for me to change my spending habits and my DH still lets me know if my spending gets out of control, as it still does, so keep that in mind, he needs to show you he can change his spending habits over a period of time not just a month.
BEST OF LUCK!