Should I pay?

posted 3 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
10536 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

If you aren’t requiring professional hair and makeup you absolutely do not need to pay for it. You also aren’t obligated to pay for accommodations, especially if you are paying for one option and they choose not to take you up on it. 

Post # 3
47445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@clairemarie:  There is no obligation to pay for hair and makeup unless you require professional services.

The issue of accommodation is more complicated. Traditional, (some would say old-fashioned) etiquette, the couple did pay for the wedding party’s accommodation. That has not been my experience.

It’s your choice to rent the AirBnB, not theirs. Even if you say it’s optional, some will feel pressured into staying there. Also the sleeping accommodations will not all be the same. Some will get the king or queen beds, and others will get the uncomfortable pullout.

Post # 4
213 posts
Helper bee

I think that you could pay for the hair and makeup for those who wish to have them done. However, when I was a bridesmaid, the bride didn’t pay for this. We either paid on our own or we did our own hair and makeup. We also paid for manicure and pedicure for ourselves and the bride since this was part of the bachelorette party. So it’s nice that you’re planning to pay for everyone to get their nails done.

Regarding the dress, we were allowed to buy any dress we wanted but it had to be in a specific colour and from a specific website. The reason for that was that the bride wanted all of us to be wearing the exact same colour. Mine cost around 120 euros, plus about 30 euros for shoes.

Regarding accommodation, it is nice of you to pay for the airbnb. If someone wants to make other arrangements for accommodation, I don’t think you should pay for it. In my case, I paid the accommodation on my own and so did the other bridesmaids. 

I guess it depends on your circumstances afterall.

Post # 5
2140 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The only reason you would need to pay for hair/makeup is if you’re requiring that they have the professionals do it/not happy with them doing their own. 

If you’re going to rent an AirBnB, make sure it is within your budget. If you ask for reimbursement and people choose not to stay there, you will be footing the bill regardless. Ensure it has enough space for everyone, just in case, and offer it as a place to meet up and hang out, as well as an option for accommodations for those who would like to stay. I wouldn’t ask for reimbursement if people choose to use it as their accommodations, but I wouldn’t say no to people who live within driving distance providing some snacks and drinks. 

You are not obligated to pay for other arrangements for your bridal party members if they prefer not to stay in the AirBnB. You gave them the option, and they are free to accept or decline. 

Post # 6
1522 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

If you’re worried about budget, I’d skip the nail session. I’d also skip the AirBnB for your wedding party and their SO’s. That would be up to 24!!! people in one place. That sounds like a hot mess before a wedding.

You are in no way required to pay for accommodations. Paying for hair and makeup is only necessary if you’re requiring that it be done professionally. Paying for dresses is optional.

If you want to treat your bridal party, I’d pay for hair and makeup and skip the rest. The AirBnB would easily turn into a logistical nightmare

Post # 8
8264 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

 What is your plan for the airbnb if you arent covering costs? Assigning prices to each room? Who gets which room? How are you going to justify the price of a king bed with ensuite vs a room with 2 doubles and a shared bathroom? 

I got married at a villa, which had 7 bedrooms+multiple dens. We “reserved” one room for my Brother-In-Law, but offered the other 5rooms to the bridal party and other friends. We had to pay for the place for 3 nights, most people stayed for all but a few left after 2. We didnt charge anyone. We had a hotel block a few minutes down the road as well and some people wanted to stay there, or booked their own airbnb and they paid for those costs. IMO if youre choosing to book the airbnb, just cover the costs if youre inviting people to stay. If they choose a hotel or book their own place, they are responsible for their own costs.

eta – I see we just posted at the same time, and you can ignore my entire post LOL. 

So instead, I’ll say that I absolutely LOVED having everyone at the villa. We did the rehearsal dinner there, we did this giant group breakfast the day of the wedding before everyone went to do their own thing and it was awesome. We purchased extra alcohol to make sure no one had to buy anything while they were there, but most people bought steaks and stuff for dinner on the other days. We stocked up for breakfast and snacks. It also had a pool and theater room sot hat was crazy fun too. 

Post # 9
601 posts
Busy bee

its lovely to pay for hair and makeup if you can afford it; if not, it is not required.  

i would maybe skip the airbnb for everyone.  are you as the bride and groom also planning to stay there?  that sounds like a logistical mess figuring out who wants to stay there and whether they paid for it.  also you may want some quiet time to yourself the night before the wedding (and certainly on the wedding night itself).  

if you do decide to do the air bnb, i think its fine to ask people to reimburse you, but i would make sure you can pay for it on your own in case no one opts in to stay there.  

Post # 11
8264 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
@clairemarie:  I just saw that! I added an edit to my post with other info 🙂 

Post # 14
219 posts
Helper bee

I would say just make sure you word things so people know the expectations. 

Hair and makeup is optional so you don’t need to pay for that.
Let them know you will be treating them to a manicure.

As for the airbnb, I would just let them know you are staying there and there is some space free if anyone wants to take advantage and stay there as well. Tell them what the bedding/room options are and basically say first come first serve. And you definitely won’t be expected to cover other peoples accommadations. 

Post # 15
13619 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You can offer the option of hair and makeup, and don’t have to pay, but you can’t require it even if you do pay.  Your bridesmaids can go to their own salon or DIY. You don’t have to pay for or provide nails. 

Properly, you do pay the cost of accomodations for any of the out of town bridal party. Both traditional and contemporary etiquette still call for this,  though it’s become less common to see in practice, even among couples who spare no expense, otherwise. 

My own view is it’s unfortunate that just as expectations of wedding parties have become more and more outrageously burdensome, etiquette obligations like this are not as widely known and followed. If you are providing the option of an AirBnB, that’s very appropriate and generous. You don’t have to pay for a hotel if people opt out. 

It’s not local to you but also not considered a destination wedding if your mother lives nearby.

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