Post # 1
Im a very very avid writer on here but i am concerned with some of the vents I have had on here connecting back to me so i have started a new name. Sorry.
Basically im looking for some advice.
I have lovely in-laws, they are nice…i just have a hard time with them sometimes as they are pretty upper class and there values are much different then mine. Anyways, i have had issues with them before, the mother in law had a “Chicago” only gift opening after my wedding (aka didint invite my family or friends over and when i tried to invite all of them over to watch theire son and new DIL open gifts she said no) The MIL’s mother also had a “Blood only” lunch one day so all the kids were invited except me. Just really odd things, that in all reality should be forgotten and we should just move on…but they hurt.
So on sunday we were having lunch, hubby, in laws, myself and SIL. When SIL mentions about “Grandma and Grandpa” coming over next weekend. Hubby says “oh are grandma and grandpa coming into town?” Mother-In-Law quickly answers yes and then moves on with the conversation…i thought it was weird. So the next day i text her and say “Hey Darling Husband and i were just wondering what is happening on the 17th?” she responds two hours later “We are having a family xmas, im trying to get ahold of mom and dad and i will get back to you” Okay…im fine with that (weird that wouldnt tell us that in the first place…but whatevs).
So today i email her to ask her if she got ahold of them. She said they were busy so she didnt get a straight answer. And then said, dont worry about it though, you dont need to come.
WHAT??? Why would i not need to come to a FAMILY CHRISTMAS!!! ( i shoud let you know we are all going away, inlaws and me for xmas…so we wont see said grandparents on xmas).
I wrote her back and said we would love to come so i will just wait back to hear from her.
Im slighly offended by this…to me its just my gift opening all over again…the exclusion and seperation…why?
Should i go or just say ok and not go?
Post # 3
You need to get Darling Husband to make a stand here. This is his family that is excluding you and he needs to fix this. Are they going to continue to exclude you when you have kids? Nope, nothing about this is ok. When you got married, he and you made a family, therefore it should be all or nothing. IMO
Post # 4
I agree with PP. It’s time to figure out what the deal is.
Post # 5
I agree with tksjewelry. I mean, I guess there is a possibility that there is some sort of misunderstanding here, but it sounds like they’re leaving you out. Not cool and I think your Fiance needs to step in here.
Post # 6
Together we confronted them about the “chicago” day gift opening…turns out Mother-In-Law was just being a psycho and Father-In-Law knew nothing about it, was hurt she did it and corrected the situation right away.
Darling Husband doesnt know about this most recent email though, i am sure he will say im looking into it to much and thatshe probably just means :I dont have to if i dont want to….” type thing.
To be honest I think she might be jealous of the relationships I have with her family (her sister and her mother) i get along really well with them (better then the MIL) so maybe she just doesnt want me there? I dont know.
This weekend I am having a womans lunch…i have invited DH’s, mom, sister, aunt and grandmother over in an attempt to bond a little as the women of the family 🙂
Post # 7
Someone said no….I want to know why 🙂
Post # 8
I wouldn’t go. Why would you go somewhere you are not wanted? Your Mother-In-Law is being a biatch! Why would you want to be in her company?
Post # 9
@MrsNeutrino: I dont want to be to be honest….but i think the grandparents and aunt/uncle may wonder where I/DH am. Im sure my dear Mother-In-Law wont tell them “oh i told them not to come”
Post # 10
this is not a high class thing, it’s a snob thing pure and simple and your Fiance needs to settle this with his mother AND his father. sounds like Mother-In-Law blindsided Father-In-Law last time. Maybe he should explain how hurtful it is to Father-In-Law and have him confront Mother-In-Law about it.
Post # 11
If your husband goes, you definitely go. No need for emails, phone calls, texts, etc. If your husband goes, you get in the car and go with him, period! You don’t need her persmission to go anywhere with your husband. I agree with PPs that your husband should handle this monkey business with his mom but just in case he doesn’t, you are now a married couple and the two of you are now one. Present a united front. Either you both go or you both don’t go.
Post # 12
@2ndtime: oh i completley agree. Darling Husband would never go without me. Its deffinitly a “we” type thing….
I just got another email from her, turns out some cousins are coming, aunt/uncle and granparents….*yeesh*
I am totally giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she is just giving us an out….but it makes me feel so not wanted….
Post # 13
How can you go to something that hasn’t been set up? Last I read there were no set plans, and you’ll “wait until you hear something”. So unless you heard something… you don’t go. If you do hear something yes, you should just go.
Post # 14
@vmec: I only heard something because i i picked up on it, pieced it together and confronted her about it. I know something will happen, she just emailed me saying grandma/grandpa, aunt/uncle, sister and cousin will be coming…just a cozy group….
I know this even will happen. Im just wondering if I should still go when i olny got the invite once i confronted her about it
Post # 15
@Regretsy: the language she is using screams “YOURE NOT INVITED” a “cozy” group? and the whole ‘ you dont have to come’ thing… whats up with your MIL? Since you are planning something with the aunt and the gma… if they ask why you werent there, just tell them the truth.
Post # 16
@MrsNeutrino: I agree, she’s using the “nice” (not) way to tell you you’re not invited. Why would you want to go somewhere you’re not wanted.