Post # 1
I need some perspective. My college best friend is getting married in six months & today she asked me over the phone if my mom and I would help plan her wedding. I need help figuring out how to respond.
– We’re both 25 years old & don’t have much money
– Her dad passed away a few years ago and her mom doesn’t approve of her engagement
– Her sister is a little more supportive of the wedding but not by much
– She plans on making her sister the maid of honor and she doesn’t plan on having any bridesmaids
– She wants the wedding to me small (less than 50 people)
I’m annoyed she asked me for such a big favor so casually. I’m also annoyed that she wants me to do the grunt work for her wedding but she wants to make her aloof sister the maid of honor. The thing is, I also care about her. I wan’t to help out, just not so much that I’m planning her wedding. How do I respond?
Post # 2
friendofbride18 : If your friend and her Fiance can’t/won’t plan their own wedding, refer her to a professional wedding planner. Really, planning a wedding is something that you do because it’s your own wedding, or because it’s your job. Neither is your case.
Post # 3
friendofbride18 : Why has she asked you to plan her wedding?
Post # 4
I wouldn’t agree to it, but I’d say she could bounce ideas off me.
Post # 5
Just say you don’t have the time. Planning a wedding is alot of work.
Post # 6
That’s a bit odd. Is she actually asking you take over and do the planning for her, or is she just asking for help, like feedback, someone to bounce ideas off, etc?
Post # 7
Heaven forbid something doesn’t go according to plan – are you willing to be the whipping horse for some (real or perceived) problem?
I’d go with PP who said you would be happy to bounce ideas around, but tell her you don’t have the time, money or experience to want to take on this large project.
Post # 8
depends what is expected from you. Is it helping to plan a wedding in a way that you go with her to check out the venue or are you expected to do the research and make phone calls?
Post # 10
rez123 : Mostly the latter, from what I understand. She wants help researching & securing the venue & vendors. I’m thining I’ll offer to be a sounding board, but decline actually planning the wedding, as some other commenters have suggested.
Post # 11
Without even reading the post, just the title, my answer is no.
Post # 12
Eh, I think the most you can ask for is a sounding board. One of my bridesmaids helped me comb through makeup artists on wedding wire because we have similar styles in makeup, and she found the one I went with. But I did all the actual calling. And I only asked her because she found this stuff fun.
Post # 13
claroquesi : This makes a lot of sense. Thank you!
Post # 14
friendofbride18 : You’re very welcome!
Post # 15
I would agree to help out and be a sounding board for her ideas and even have some brain storming meetings – but don’t take on any ‘official’ tasks or paperwork type responsibilities. Not only is it totally unfair for her to ask that of you, but it would be really hard on your friendship as well.
It’s her and her husband’s job to plan their wedding, if they need help then they’ll need to hire someone.