Should I Plan My Friend's Wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think you need to ask her to clarify what she means by “plan her wedding”.  That could literally be your response.  “What do you mean by ‘plan the wedding’?  I can certainly help be a sounding board for you and be your second opinion for things”.   


Post # 17
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I wouldn’t do it for free.


On top of that I wouldn’t mix business with friendship. If something goes sour it’s on you now and you could really damage your friendship. 

Post # 18
7783 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would decide upon one or two things that I was willing to do and be very straightforward about those things being all I could do. The sounding board role could become a full time job. 

Post # 19
3814 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

As in she wants you to research and deal with vendors? No flipping way. She shouldn’t even ask. That’s for her and her fiance to do, or they can hire a professional planner. You don’t have to do that. 

Post # 20
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

That’s really odd. If she doesn’t want to plan she should just elope or hire someone. Now if she was asking for emotional support throughout the process due to her father not being around and the situtation with her mom, that’s another thing.

Post # 21
503 posts
Busy bee

I’m guessing she probably just meant be a support and sounding board rather than be a full fledged planner, but you should ask and clarify. Either way, you should be able to say, “hey this is usually the role of a Maid of Honor or bridesmaid, and since i’m not one I don’t feel comfortable. I can help by doing a reading or 1 task, but I’m not going to act like an Maid/Matron of Honor when you already have one.”

Post # 22
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Yes to the idea that if you’re just a sounding board it’s no biggie…but flow blown wedding planner would be a hard no for me. My bridesmaids offer to call and get quotes and schedule appointments with vendors and I don’t even take them up on that (except for help finding a venue because I was starting to feel really discouraged) because it is so much work. Asking someone to do that who isn’t even in the wedding party is kind of rude. Unless you have a history of throwing some amazing parties while you guys were in college, it seems like a random thing to ask of you. 

Post # 23
10294 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
friendofbride18 :  

If she really means plan her wedding for her , I think that is an extraordinary cheek! I note she wants your mum in on it too, presumably both of you for free.

No way José,  no way . A sounding board  at best, but  I like the wording pps suggested as in , ‘that’s your  and your fi’s job, helped  (possibly) by your Maid/Matron of Honor, so  , I wouldn’t feel comfortable or qualified, sorry.’  

A pp said even the sounding board role could become onerous, and she may well be right on relflection . A person who could casually ask a friend (and her mum!)  to plan a wedding in  6 months ,  is probably  one who would interpret a cautious answer as a yes.

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