(Closed) Should I postpone the wedding? ( Mini vent but advice appreciated )

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t postpone, it’s possible that they might move out by then because they’ve found jobs and settled and if not you were already going to live with his family, whats the problem with living with more family?

Post # 5
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yeah… this is a bit complicated!  But, it”s your choice – if you don’t want to postpone the wedding… you don’t have too!  But coming from someone who was in a LD relationship and did relocate.. just beware of the extra stress, ESPECIALLY with living with that many members of his family.  Make sure you have a good support system at home and where your Fiance lives, because trust me, you will need it.

Good Luck!

Post # 7
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

To be honest, why doesn’t his uncle, 2 sons, and uncle’s wife take care of the mother and sister?  It’s the least they could do in exchange for living there.  There are enough of them to help out!

Postponing — unfortunately, either way you’re stuck.  They might wind up staying longer whether you’re married or not.  Which is a worse situation – not being married to him AND not seeing him or being married, seeing him everyday and having to wear your headscarf plus no privacy?

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

How long are the two of you planning on staying with his family? Indefinitely or is there a time frame? I’d be kinda cautious about that, my concern if it was my Fiance would be that when it’s time to find your own place and you’re wanting to start a family and such, he will just never be ready to leave regardless of who else is there to take care of his mom.  I don’t think you’re at all selfish for asking him to take leave, you are going to be newlyweds and should be spending time together, plus this is going to be a big adjustment for you!

 

It just doesn’t sit right with me that your only options are to get married when planned and live with tons of his family members because that is what his family has decided on, or postpone the wedding till whenever you are willing to live with them. Maybe it doesn’t bother you though since it sounds like you’re fine with living with his family, I think the fact that I would hate living with DH’s family is affecting my opinion here, but I would want some private time with my Darling Husband as newlweds.

Post # 11
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m confused with the headscarf thing.. if you’re marrying into the family, wouldn’t the uncles/sons be considered your family then? 

Post # 13
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

@Mrsgurzakovic:  The way you (Islam) define family and whom you can be “uncovered” in front of makes perfect sense to me!

I agree with what Jamiezilla said above. It seems you really have only 2 optios.

It is very nice that your Fiance is willing to take a FEW MONTHS off to be with you and help you transition. That bodes well for you and your future together  🙂

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@Wonderstruck:  This, for sure! 

I live with my FI’s famiy (his mom, dad, and sister).  If there is any way you and your Fiance can get your own place, that would be great.  You might get along with them great now, but living in such close proximity could sour things.  You guys are going to be newlyweds and it seems you won’t have any privacy, whatsoever.  I do realize that large/extended family living situations are common and normal in other cultures, though.  So, if this is something you’re used to and are confident won’t be a problem, then go for it!

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