(Closed) Should I propose to him??

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

No, I think you might regret proposing to him… Talk about engagement rings..go shopping. 2 years isn’t long, you know? Most people wait on average 4 years..

Post # 4
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

No, I’m a traditional person and feel you should leave that ball in his court. Men are weird amount marriage, I would also want to know that he WANTS to marry me and that he’s not just saying yes because I asked.

Post # 5
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I did it. To my ex. He left me just over three months later.

I can’t say one way or the other if you should do it…..or shouldn’t do it. That’s up to you.

If I could do it over again…..I’d propose to a guy, but I’m not a traditional person. But I wouldn’t have proposed to THAT guy, if you understand what I mean.

 

Post # 6
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@MrsPom:  Well, this can be turned around the other way. If he asked you do you think he wonders if you WANT to marry him or just said yes as he asked?

I should hope that a couple has talked enough about marriage by time any of them are doing any asking to know whether they are on the same page or not. I do not believe the ball is in any one person’s court in a mature relationship.

OP…I disagree with the generalization above that “men are weird about marriage”. That has not been my experience with men who want to marry the person they are with and who are ready.

It is not for me to determine what is right for your relationship, you, or your partner. I am pretty untraditional and have no problems at all with women proposing if they are comfortable with it and the relationship is ready for that. My husband jokes he has to ask me as he was tired of waiting for me to do it. You can always pick out rings together afterward and talk about what you would like. If your communication is open, it should be easy to decide afterward.

Here is my issue though…you admit yourself you are “engagement ring obsessed”…what flagged for me from that is that there may be a huge focus on rings over what marriage means for you both. The ring is just an accessory, know what I mean? If I am picking up on that, I wonder if he is which is why he gets a bit awkward. Why do YOU want to get married to him? Does he know that?

It sounds like you are thinking of asking as you are frustrated, not a good reason to propose IMHO!

I would actually just ask him how he feels about women who ask men to marry them and see where it goes. You can do it within the context of talking about marriage overall. I do not know how traditional your own partner is, though I know my husband would have had no issue with it.

Post # 7
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No.  Mainly because you said this: But now I am thinking that maybe I should just suck it up and propose to him.

If you have to “suck it up,” then your answer is no, don’t do it. 

Post # 8
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

No.  But I wouldn’t want to marry someone that was so passive. He said you should propose to him??  

Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with what RayKay says. However for you specfically it sounds like you guys need to talk more. Fi and I didn’t have the typical waiting game and all that I’m just not down for it, I don’t like it, and I wouldn’t tolerate it. We decided to get married, picked a date, told our friends and family. He wanted to pick out the ring himself. So we did and three months later we went for a weekend getway and he gave to me(didn’t ask me or get down on a knee).

My point is you guys don’t have to follow tradition or gender norms if it’s not for you when you get engaged. However judging by some of your statements it seems like you guys need to have some more concrete talks before you think about proposing.

Post # 10
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No. If he wants to be engaged he needs to ask. So far it sounds like all the wedding talk is one sided and asking him just seems like pushing him into something. Wait until he feels ready to ask you. 

Post # 11
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You seem to be too obsessed with acquiring and engagement ring an that proposing to him is a way of getting it faster.

If you had mentioned sparkly ring less and life long commitment more I’d say go for it, but the way your OP reads I’d say you would be doing it for the wrong reasons.

 

Post # 12
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would normally say “Go for it!” but you did say the whole ‘suck it up and propose’ like you really want him to. I only ‘let’ FH propose to me because I knew he really wanted to. Otherwise I would have. I certainly brought up the topic of marriage.

If you want him to propose, I guess you should wait.

Post # 13
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I agree with what most people are saying.  I wouldn’t propose myself, as I’m kind of traditional about that stuff, but it also sounds like you are too (i.e. dreaming about rings, telling him that proposing was against everything you believed in, etc). As someone else, 2 years isn’t really that long to wait. My Fiance and I were together for 3 years before getting engaged (but like you, we knew from early on that we wanted to get married) and will have been engaged for 5 years at the time of our wedding. If it were me, I would probably just try to keep the line of communication open with him but just wait until everyone was sure that they were ready to be engaged.

Post # 14
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think what you need to do it really evualuate how you rhink he will respond to the proposal. For me personally if I proposed to my Fiance he would have been very upset. He thoroughly enjoyed planning the proposal and then proposing. If you think he will like it and if you think that you won’r regret it I say go for it. But the ” suck it up and propose” line makes me think that you will regret it.

Post # 15
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve thought a bit more about this thread……and I now say that you should propose to him.

 

Post # 16
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SparkleBaby:  “Even though it says it doesn’t really bother him when i look at rings online and pick things out that I like he always seems a bit different and tries to change the subject.”

If he changes the subject when you talk about getting engaged you may want to ask yourself why that is.  Do you think he is planning to propose?  I don’t think you should propose to him, necessarily, but I definitely think you need to talk to him about where his head is right now with regard to you two getting engaged/married. 

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