(Closed) Should I propose w/o a title?

posted 9 years ago in Proposals
Post # 17
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My feeling is that if this guy loved you the way you love him, he would be doing everything in his power to let you, and the rest of the world, know it. He wouldn’t risk letting your relationship go label-less like this for so long. I’m sorry to say this, but the only reason I can think for a guy to behave this way is because he wants to keep his options open.

I don’t know you guys, of course, and I hope I’m completely wrong. In any case, if I were you, I would talk to your SO and let him know how you feel… and see if he’s on the same page. 

ETA: @Soladylike: yes, this exactly is what I’m trying to say!

Post # 18
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Red flag #1: He isn’t comfortable calling you his partner, significant other, or girlfriend. Why would that make him okay calling you his wife?

Red flag #2: One day he even said ” what would you do if I asked you to be my lady for life?”  Uh.. he didn’t even say wife or partner. His lady for life. 

Red flag #3: This one is the grand slam: he whispered in my ear that he loved me.( not aware that I was still partly awake). He’s never outright expressed this and will deny ever doing such a ” corny” thing.

He won’t give you any title that implies fidelity, romantic connection, or exclusivity, won’t tell you he loves you, and you want to propose to him? I say ask him be your official boyfriend for all of February. If, at the end of February, he has shown that he can treat you like a girl he’s actually with, not a friend, tell you he loves you DIRECTLY… propose to him on leap year.  I still think that’s a dreadful idea since I would want to see him acting the part for at least a few months. Not to mention he has the house, the car, the everything. What is HE waiting for?

Post # 19
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My mom is in a similar relationship where SHE is being exclusive, but there’s no doubt in my mind that HE is not. They’ve been friends with benefits for almost three years now and he still introduces her as his “friend” to everyone. He’s embarassed because there’s an age difference, but it’s clear to me that their relationship isn’t going anywhere and he’s just leading her on. She knows she’s being stupid, but she just won’t leave him and she deserves better. I don’t know about your relationship, but it sounds similar to me. Are you both exclusive?

Post # 23
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Short answer to this scenario: no. Adults should talk openly and honestly about their plans for the future, and right now this whole thing sounds more friends with benefits than deep, lifelong commitment. It just seems odd to me that you both are carrying on this “we’re friends” thing to everyone if it’s not just platonic. It just seems kind of juvenile if you’re wanting to take such a grown up step in getting married.

Post # 24
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No one should get engaged–ever–without having a serious conversation together discussing what a committment that is. I think that applies more here than any other situation.

Post # 25
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Why don’t you “propose” on leap year for him to be your official boyfriend and see where that goes?  You could make it very romantic and sweet and tell him how much you love him, and that you want everyone to know that he is your man, officially.

If he freaks or acts odd about an offical bf title –there is your answer that there are some underlying issues and you will be glad that you didn’t rush into the proposal.

Post # 26
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

My question is, will you be proposing with a ring? And if so, do you think he will then buy you a ring in return? If you think he’ll return the gesture, go for it.

Having said that, I’d be a little concerned about what will happen to the relationship if he says no or needs more time to think about it. Will it ruin the friendship?

I like the idea’s PP’s have given of asking for him to be your bf first. Why not do this maybe on valentines day, then maybe it will be a little easier to propose on leap day.

You’re very brave! Good luck!

Post # 27
Member
810 posts
Busy bee

 

View original reply
@Bellanoir13:  I’m sorry – I totally picked you up incorrectly; I thought no-one knew about the two of you and that’s why I said no. But if people know you are together etc then I can understand why you want to propse and have concidered it and wish you the best of luck ๐Ÿ™‚

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