(Closed) Should I push hubby to TTC or just wait?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
14440 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m 32 and my clock is starting to tick off the shelf.  I would push him… what’s another 6 months going to do?  Nothing, the situation doesnt change, you’re married, you’re established in  your job, you have savings… but your body is not going to wait.

Post # 4
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

What if you agreed that in four months you are go–not up for discussion?  Let him know that you will wait, but that this is the absolute date. 

Have you reminded him about how well everything else has worked out? 

Post # 5
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would point out that fertility can and does sharply decline after 35, and ask him how much he wants a family, because if you wait too long you are taking a gamble; maybe print off some info which backs you up, or take him with you to speak to a doctor about it. I think sometimes men don’t fully understand that women don’t have the same luxury of time as they do.

I would not push him or pressure him though. Starting a family is a huge thing and must be a mutual decision that both of you are happy with. If he feels pressured, and isn’t ready, it could lead to resentment down the line which is something that would affect you as a couple, as well as as a family.

Post # 6
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think we are married to the same person! wow, far too many similarities. I will be 34 in March; and Darling Husband 40 in Feb. He told me a few months back we had to wait until Feb. which is fast approaching. I say give him the space so he can feel like he had his part in the decision. keep us posted.

Post # 7
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I wouldn’t push him. Pushing him into getting your way isn’t going to make him feel any more comfortable. And if you do get a BFP your first month, the last thing you want is him to be unhappy or extremely anxious about it. This should be something you are both happy about.

That being said, not a lot is going to change in 6 months, and I don’t necessarily think he’ll get over his fears in that time. (Although they might lessen a bit.) Have you considered talking to him about “not trying not to?” Since you are already off birth control, maybe talk to him and see how he feels about just winging in starting next month. You guys wont’ be trying on specific days or going crazy charting, etc. You’ll just have sex whenever you normally would, and see what happens. That might be a good compromise and help lessen his fears.

Also, let’s say you start trying in January. Let’s say it takes you 3-4 months to get pregnant (completely within the norm). If you got pregnant in March or April your baby would be due in December or January 2012. That’s a year away! I always say they make pregnancy 9+ months to give the man time to get used to the idea! LOL! Maybe talk to him about that and see if he feels any different if there isn’t so much pressure!

GOOD LUCK!

Post # 8
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m in a similar situation, I have major baby fever and my fiancé is nowhere close to ready. I think it’s best to wait and not push him into it. I feel like it’s not worth the chance that he’ll resent you (or the baby) when he’s sleep deprived etc. I think he has to come to that decision on his own.

Post # 9
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If you agreed to wait til april, I would wait til April.  I think it’s ok to encourage him and remind him that you guys will figure out a way to solve any issue … but I wouldn’t push what you already agreed to do.

Post # 10
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m in a similar situation with my Fiance.  I’m ready to go off BC now and start NTNC, and I would like to start TTC as soon as we are married in April.  He is nervous because he’s still looking for a full time job and he has trouble focusing on more than one thing at a time.  I’m 29 and I’ve explained to him that I don’t have unlimited time to wait, and also that it takes an average of 8 months to get pregnant.  FI would rather wait at least 6 months before TTC at all.  

I’m going to proceed with my plan to go off BC and start charting to at least make sure I’m ovulating normally.  I’m trying to be optimistic that he will find a full time job soon and be willing to move the timeline up…or maybe the time will fly by.

I completely undestand why you don’t want to wait, but I don’t think 4 months will make much of a difference.  I do think it’s a good idea to keep an open dialouge with him about it, so he can get more comfortable with the idea.

Post # 13
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@78h2o: That is awesome! I am so glad to hear it!

Post # 14
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@78h2o: Phew, was gona comment! hehe but Im glad you guys talked about it — Yay congrats on his encouraging statement! 😀

Post # 15
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m not necessarily suggesting you do this but… my mom had me when she wa 38 because she wanted to.  Period!  Dad would have been against it… but here I am! Same thing happened with my dad and my stepmom.  My dad was against it, but my baby brother was born when I was a senior in high school.  Life happens and Dad loves us both!

Post # 16
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m glad he has moved up his timeline for you. Waiting another month or two won’t be too bad. Let’s hope he sticks to it. You are on the right track though with keeping the communication open.

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