- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
My Darling Husband suffers from anxiety (takes meds, goes to counseing, etc.)… he doesn’t usually like the idea of change (of any kind), but in my experience, adjusts pretty well once change occurs.
We waited 3 years to get a dog, even though we both really love animals, because he was nervous about how it would work out. Of course he now says that he can’t believe we waited – it’s more work having a dog but totally worth it.
It also took him more than 4 years to propose, due primarily to his anxiety about shopping for a ring, planning a wedding, and fears about things changing once we were married. He now says he’s extremely happy we got married, etc., etc.
From the very beginning we both said we really wanted children. We initially talked about TTC right after the wedding and I went off BCP a couple months before the wedding (but used other methods). Darling Husband got nervous about it and said he wanted to postpone TTC for 6 months (until April).
I’m trying to be okay with this, but I’m finding the wait to be super frusterating. Mainly because Darling Husband has no concrete reasons for waiting. We both have good jobs, a house, savings, etc. We are both approaching 34 and want to have 2-3 kids. It took my younger sister a year to get PG and my mom went through menopause in her early/mid-40’s so I am nervous about my age.
I posted about this earlier and got some good advice. I had a heart-to-heart with DH and shared where I was coming from. I also talked with him about my concerns regarding our age. I talked to him about how it can take anywhere from 1-12 months for a healthy couple to get KU, and then 9 months after that… He seemed closer to understanding where I was coming from, but was still stuck in fear mode (though he said that he feels “closer to being ready”). I asked him if he could think about his reasons for wanting to wait 4 more months and he said he would try to think about it. So far he hasn’t come up with anything other than feeling scared (not about anything specific though).
I don’t know if I should keep pushing/reassuring him, as I’ve done with other big changes in the past, or just wait until he feels more ready? Will 4 months really solve anyting when it’s not clear what the issue is? I don’t want him to feel pushed into anything and/or feel resentful…but at the same time, how do I keep from resenting him? I feel like he is holding us back for no good reason. I desperately want to be a mom. 🙁