(Closed) Should I reach out to an old friend?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

She seems to genuinely want to mend your friendship from the sound of that message. Honestly, if I got a message from an ex friend whom I did not want to talk to I would just delete it and not respond. It says a lot that she even responded to you.

I recently swallowed my pride and reached out to an old friend who was my BFF that I had a falling out with. She replied with snark and sarcasm and was extremely nasty to me. At first I was upset and felt stupid, but then I thought, oh well at least I know I tried and can now let this go with a clear conscience.

The worst that can happen is that she doesn’t want a friendship with you. And really, if that happens, so what? It’s not like you are losing anything at all!

I say go for it. You only live once! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

GO FOR IT!! I am in the EXACT same boat as you, just flipped roles. I’m the one getting marriend and I haven’t spoken to my BFF in months. We’ve known each other since 6th grade, became besties in high school and stayed very close for several years after I left, talking on the phone for hours about everything that was going on. It is VERY hard to try to mend a long distance friend ship. She lives in Washington state and I live in Missouri. She’s ignored my FB comments, texts and phone calls for weeks and weeks and I’ve tried several times to reach out to her with no success. She is supposed to be one of my BMs but I’m not even sure if we are friends anymore because she might get back to me but it is always with some excuse as to why she couldn’t talk when I’d called her a week prior. I’m considering not even having her in my wedding because it doesn’t seem like she wants to be friends. I’m not letting go quite yet; i’m going to wait a little bit and give it one more try. I would definitely agree with the PP, it seems like she does want to try to make an effort. Maybe go have lunch before she leaves? Don’t even mention the falling out, just pick up where you guys left and catch up. If I had that opportunity I would do it, too….

Post # 6
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m really sorry to hear that 🙁 phone friendships stink when it used to be the real thing. I’m not thinking my friend and I are going to rekindle ours, either. How long was it between your first falling out and you guys making up? This is our first and it’s lasted 3 months already and it’s devistating. Especially since my fiance is deploying in 6 months (hence the lengthy engagement) and I’m not going to have her to talk to :'(

Post # 8
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Bichon Frise: I agree, I feel that sometimes you need to let go to move on. Cheesey sounding, I know lol, but it’s true. You’ve clearly made an effort and she is not responsding. It’s very, very sad but there is no point in emotionally draining yourself for what seems to be a lost cause.

Post # 9
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, one of my best and closest friends is someone I’ve only spent time with in person maybe… 6 times? over the past 12 years. Friendships can be strong even if you can’t spend much physical time with one another. If you feel regret over drifting apart and she seems willing to rekindle the friendship, go for it!

Post # 10
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Legallyblondiebride: I agree with this!  I reached out to an old friend (several years ago), and she never responded.  It hurt me, but eventually I realized that it was good that I tried because the “What if?” was weighing heavily on me – and I didn’t lose anything by not getting a response.  I was able to finally let go because there were no more “What if?”s.

@Bichon Frise:  I think you should respond to this friend.  Her reply to you was really nice, and it seems like you both want to reconnect.  Even if you can’t become super close again due to distance, these days it’s so easy to stay connected through technology that you could still be emotionally close even though you’re physically far apart.  There’s no harm in trying to catch up and make up a little for lost time!  Life is too short to not make an effort with people you want in your life.

Post # 12
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I definitely would, and include the post in your message. Maybe say write whatever message you were going to and then add something like “I was on FB ready to write you this message and I saw your post. Which friend would you condier me?”. Perhaps not quite that forward if you think it’s too blunt, but you get my gist? Hopefully she’ll consider you one that has tried to stay but if not, then maybe you guys can work out why your friendship has dwindled and maybe even fix it. Maybe she’ll say it’s because you were too busy with blah blah blah or because you didn’t call enough or whatever the case may be. If you figure out the “why” then you have a better chance of fixing it. Or maybe not, maybe the “why” will be what you need to realize that you two can’t be as close of friends again and it will then be easier for you to let go.
Just fyi, I wanted to let you know that your OP insipred me to reach back out to my friend. It’s not working (big freakin surprise) but I do feel better that I tried again. I’ve tried not mentioning our fall out, just saying things like “hey how are you” or “how was your holiday” but we’re still very distant; i just get short answers and only in FB, nothing by phone. I’m going to try one last thing; come forward and say how I feel and my thoughts on the situation and see what she has to say. So thank you 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Bichon Frise: I would still reach out, and personally, I wouldn’t mention her latest FB post at all.

Post # 14
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I guess I’m going against the grain when I say this, but I would not advise a renewal attempt. There are times when a fire that has gone out should stay out — this goes for lovers, friends, personal trainers, and hairdressers.

Think about your ratio of effort-input to emotional gain. She will be living far away, which can strain even a normally close relationship. You’ve had multiple fights that were friendship-ending, even if for the short term. If your friend were dating someone, they fought and broke up, then got back together, then broke up again, would you advice her to “rekindle”? I doubt it.

I’m not trying to tell you that a friendship with her couldn’t work, but you *both* have to make it work, and your story doesn’t make it sound promising. 

Post # 15
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would try to reconnect via facebook only. A brief message, comments when she posts things. With her moving away it will be hard to reconnect in real life. Maybe when she comes back to the area you could ask if she wants to grab lunch some time.

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