Post # 1
Almost a year ago I was making better decisions in my life (going back to church, not drinking heavily, paying off dept, living on my own etc.) I was making the choice to put myself first. I decided to distance myself and focus on me. I even deleted my facebook (I was done with the drama).
While at work one day 3 of my friends started texting me (with in a half hour!) that I was not being a good friend to them, I was changing myself for a guy…
It hurt me because for the first time in my life I was HAPPY and not a hot mess. They made me feel like they were only interested in being my friend if they had to pick me up and put me back together. Why werent they happy for me?
Without explaining myself any further I decided to just cut ties altogether…Probably a bad idea.
Now that I am engaged. I miss the girls I ALWAYS pictured being there. A part of my longs to have them there…But a bigger part of me is afraid that they wont/ cant be happy for me.
I am just so torn as to what to do…
Post # 3
@AprilRenee: How exactly were you being a ‘bad friend”? Did you not call them as often? Or are they the type who like people around who is doing worse than them so they can feel better?
Post # 4
So it sounds like you pulled away for a bit while working on yourself, which is fine! And then your friends were talking about it at some point and decided to do a mass attack, which was super petty and pathetic. No wonder you just decided not to deal with it at that time – that would be very overwhelming for me.
However, you should definitely reach out and try to reconcile. Not sure how your group dynamic was before, but I would invite them all to a girl’s night out (no fiance! this is very important!) and I would listen to them talk about everything you’ve missed in their lives. This way they understand that you still care about them.
Then, I would tell them that I’ve missed them all so much and was sorry that I reacted the way I did when I was working on myself. Explain, briefly, that you felt like you had been making bad choices, not related to them at all, and worked through some stuff, but didn’t know how to explain this at the time. Then talk to them about how you’ve always pictured them with you on your wedding day.
If it is clear that they can’t be happy for you still (and you are in a healthy relationship), I would still invite them (if you can afford it) and just be happy that you have your fiance, and focus on other friends.
Post # 5
You should try reaching out to them and just explaining yourself. It sounds like you were not a bad friend at all and you just needed some time to work on you. If they are true friends they will understand. If not focus on the people in your life who will support you.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t – you cut ties for a reason. That drama will surely come back if you reconcile and it sounds like you’re bettert off without the drama. I’ve been through the same thing with a few friends, and had the same feelings of should I reconcile once I was engaged. I’m glad I decided not to, because I know in the end, the drama isn’t worth the friendship and there still would surely be drama.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think that if they bring you down when you’re happy, they aren’t worth having around unless you intend to be miserable after tying the knot. This is your time to connect with new people who can support you and your lifestyle. If you genuinely think they will be good friends to you, then you can reach out, but personally, I think you just want to because you’re getting married. If you weren’t getting married, would you still want to reconcile?
Post # 8
@AprilRenee: Obviously they weren’t great friends in the first place, especially for you to just cut ties so easily. I wouldn’t suggest contacting them, it can only bring more issues.
Post # 9
We were very close these are the girls that I would get together for “Galentine’s” day. The reason I want to reconcile is that I miss the female comaraderie.
And I didnt really explain myself to them. I just felt ganged up on and backed away. You’re either fight or flight and honestly I have always been flight when it comes to confrontation.
I just dont want to be hurt..again…
Post # 10
@LuvMySailor: One of them had a Boyfriend or Best Friend just deployed to Afganistan, another’s mom had cancer and the third wasnt going through anything.
I just wanted to focus on myself (get my life on track myself) and thought how it would be rather selfish if I flaunted the fact that I was putting me first and I am the happiest I have EVER been in my life.
And again they made me feel they only wanted me around when they had to pick up the pieces.