(Closed) Should I release my bridesmaids?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am considering telling people they are relieved of their obligations and they are welcome as a guest.  If they show up, great.  If not, even better.  I don’t want them in my lives anyway.

Aren’t these people supposed to be your friends?! A few disagreements or missteps by them is grounds for you to no longer want them in your life? I’m sorry you don’t feel like they’re excited, it seems like a lot of them are having personal issues of their own. You have to remember that no one is going to care as much about your wedding as you do, so cut them some slack. I am so sick of seeing these posts where Brides write off their friends/BM’s over stuff like this. You’re forgetting the whole reason you chose them as BMs is because they were close enough friends that you wanted to stand by your side at your wedding. If you want to cut them and have no bridal party then fine. Do it and stop stressing. But if your friends are willing to be BM’s even though it seems like they all have a lot of personal issues going on, I think that makes them good friends.

Post # 5
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@LoveMySailor1018:  Totally agree.

@MalteseMama:  To be honest, the only one that even comes close to doing something worthy of being “released” is your friend who asked you to replace her. If she doesn’t want to be in the wedding, then I would tell her to come as a guest. No one is forcing you to be a bridesmaid.

As for the rest of your BMs, are you honestly thinking of kicking your Maid/Matron of Honor out b/c she’s pregnant? Though this baby was planned, it’s not always easy to get pregnant. My current pregnancy was planned, but it took us a year and a half and 2 miscarriages along the way to get to this point. If someone threw me out of their wedding b/c of that…they would not be my friend any longer. 

I think you need to take a step back and re-read your post. There aren’t may offensive things happening there, but if you feel strongly about “releasing” them, don’t expect them to want to be your friend any longer.

Post # 6
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@LoveMySailor1018:  This exactly!!

Especially this “ I am so sick of seeing these posts where Brides write off their friends/BM’s over stuff like this. “

I don’t even know why I click in these types of posts anymore.  I’m not trying to be a bitch but people need to get over themselves, just because people don’t drop everything in their lives for you and kiss the ground you walk on doesn’t mean they are shit friends.

Post # 8
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MalteseMama:  Probably so she can try and help you brides before you ruin your friendships…..

Post # 11
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it’s pretty stressful for a bride when she is putting this big party together and she doesn’t feel like her friends (whose only real “task” is to stand up in show of support for her) even want to be there.  Sometimes I don’t feel like that message comes across in these posts.

I think it’s OK to extend the offer of, “Oh, if this is going to be too stressful for you then would you like to just be invited as a guest?”

Post # 12
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MalteseMama:  ARE YOU SERIOUS!? You changed your original post… IT SAID:

I am considering telling people they are relieved of their obligations and they are welcome as a guest.  If they show up, great.  If not, even better.  I don’t want them in my lives anyway.”  

and NOW IT SAYS: “Just to be clear…I am not writing off my friends or kicking them out of the wedding because they are having personal issues. I am asking if I should relieve them of their obligation to be in the wedding.”  

Don’t try to call me out for not understanding when you changed what your post said to begin with… RUDE

Post # 13
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MalteseMama:  I understand where you’re coming from, and think that folks have been a little harsh on you. You’re not kicking your friend out because she’s pregnant — she legit will not be able to be there because she’ll be in such a delicate state. The friend for whom I was a bridesmaid can’t attend my wedding for the same reason. So she’s obviously out.

A bridesmaid who won’t try on dresses two months before the wedding is being uncooperative. It would have been nice of you to work with her to find a dress that you both could live with, but if she won’t try a dress on, she can’t be in the event.

I think she should stick with your sister, spazzy though she may be, because she’s your sister. And it’s good to hear that you are actually OK with the tattoos of another maid. Unless money issues girl makes a strong statement that she can’t afford it, I’d stick with her too.

But sure, I think it’s legit at this point to find two replacements for the ones who can’t or won’t be there. And make sure they’re the enthusiastic type!

Post # 15
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MalteseMama:  I’m not having a bad day, you asked for opinions and I said mine, sorry you don’t like it.

Post # 16
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012


Of course your wedding is important, but you can’t expect your bridesmaids to give up living their lives until then. 

Just because they are your bridesmaids doesn’t give you the right to decide if they get tattooes, move to another state, or  have a baby–life happens

This is one of the reasons I decided not to have bridesmaids—I don’t want to have worry about it–when ultimately whether or not the come thru in the end is beyond my control

I understand it’s frustrating, in a perfect world you could count on your friends/family to come thru for you for your special day—but that isn’t the case

Also, I know hindsight is 20/20 but maybe you shouldn’t have bought their dresses, if THEY had shelled out the $ for them perhaps they would be a little more motivated not to let that $ go to waste!

I think that you could let go of a lot of stress and resentment if you drop the whole bridesmaid thing–consider it one less thing to worry about! 

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