Post # 1
We have very limited reception space. So we decided to allow +1 for husbands and fiances and when we know their partner well and would consider him a friend… We had several people asking in a friendly way if it will be ok to bring someone. We always say, we’ll have a rather intimate wedding, we have very limited space, we don’t know the declines yet, but we will get back to you as soon as we know, but right now we cannot accommodate any more people… So far this was acceptable for everyone.
Yesterday we received an rsvp from someone, she isn’t really our friend but hangs with FIs friends so we thought to have them “complete” we should invite her. She rsvped she will come and bring Max. We had no idea who that was. We had never met him. We didn’t even know if he is her SO or just someone she wanted to bring. So we politely told her that this was a misunderstanding and that we’re very sorry we didn’t make it clear enough that the invite was only addressed to her and because of the limited space etc. etc. but that we will let her know if we will be able to make it work so he could come too.
So today she sent a text saying that she couldn’t come anymore because she will be busy that day being with her boyfriend.
So…. should I respond? Should I just let it go? Did we do anything wrong? I think this is really childish… but Fiance is really hurt….
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry about it….keep the text though in case her story is different than yours and she spreads rumours…..don’t cave and let her bring someone, that would just open a HUGE can of worms with other guests…
Post # 4
It’s childish from her part. You are not doing anything wrong. Simply respond by telling her you are sorry she can’t come and thank her for the notice.
Post # 5
@cuddleBee: I don’t think you need to respond. You just said she wasn’t even really a friend. There are situations where I wouldn’t feel comfortable not going certain places solo, depending on a variety of things. So even thought I believe everyone should get a plus one, you are within your rights to invite just her. And she is within her rights to decline.
Post # 7
You shouldn’t respond. She is being childish. It sounds like it was a courtesy invite, anyway. if she wants to throw a little tantrum, let her! You followed etiquette perfectly. Someday someone will explain it to her and she’ll realize she’s being ridiculous.
Post # 8
Let it go. No response needed.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t respond either. It’s silly. (That said, I hope she’s not going to pull an “Oops, forgot i declined” and show up anyway.)
Post # 10
Fiance has a crazy friend. I doubt you want someone who doesn’t give two hoots about you two at your wedding. I’d let it go, now you can invite an extra person you actually want there 🙂
Post # 11
you can respond and just say aww sorry to hear you won’t come, we’ll miss having you there.
Post # 12
What a brat lol. Don’t waste your time. Chances are if you don’t reply she’ll feel dumb later on about sending you that.
Post # 14
I’d just respond “Thanks for letting me know” and leave it at that.
Post # 15
@lilbluebird: Yeah that would be my concern.
Normally I would agree with the previous posters and say just ignore the text entirely. However, it seems she is throwing a mini tantrum to get her way and I wouldn’t put it past someone of that maturity level to just show up despite what they have said.
In this case I would respond in a simple manner, something along the lines of “I’m sorry you aren’t able to attend” and leave it at that. This doesn’t play into her little game but it does give some backing to her RSVP of no.
Post # 16
@cuddleBee: You don’t need to respond, and you certainly have nothing to feel bad about. But, while I think it unlikely that anyone would spread rumours over their boyfriend’s not receiving an invitation to the wedding of a mere acquaintance who has never even met him, the best way to protect against unpleasantness is to reply casually and graciously to reset the tone of the conversation back to friendly-casual: a quick reply like “Oh, we will miss you then. Enjoy your time with Max :-)” or something to that effect.
The most proper response for her to have made would have been, seeing that Max wasn’t invited and knowing that she would rather spend time with him, to simply reply that she “regrets to decline the kind invitation of Miss Cuddlebee, due to a prior engagement,” — but that is a little stuffy.
The second nearly-proper response would have been for her to speak to you in person (or on the phone) and ask “I am seeing Max Lastname: he’s a very nice gentleman. Would you be able to make an invitation available to him?” to which you reply “no, I am so sorry”(no additional excuse required), and then she politely declines due to a prior engagement, as above.
But as for the response you actually did get, you cannot be sure what her intended “tone” actually was. It might have been snide, it might have been a text-version of the above polite response. Since texts or emails generally have ambiguous tone, you might as well be as generous as possible in attributing good intentions to the people who send them. Your fiance probably is NOT so self-centred as to think that every casual acquaintance ought to put his wedding above their day-to-day social lives, right? He would not have felt hurt if she had just declined without trying to find a way to bring Max, would he? So, try to get him to see that it was actually nice of her to make an extra effort to find a way to be there for him without compromising her time with Max, and he might feel appreciative rather than hurt.
Sometimes, pretending that people actually did the proper or kind thing and responding accordingly, gives them a chance to decide to act properly going forward. And if not, it at least cements your reputation for propiety and kindness.