(Closed) Should I sacrifice destination wedding for grandma?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 47
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2022

I’m giving my opinion as someone who’s grandma passed away two weeks after her wedding. My grandma also attended my wedding in a wheelchair and with oxygen–she had terminal lung cancer. I would have gotten married in her yard (which, coincidentally, was quite nice), if it was the only way she could have attended the wedding. I’m a very family-oriented person, though.

It’s your special day, and no matter what you’re marrying your best friend–pick a more grandma-friendly location. I know she’ll appreciate it.

Post # 49
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jessiebean:  Although I am not the eldest grandchild (as I’m actually one of the youngest out of the grandchildren), I am also very close to my grandmother, so I understand your predicament.  My grandmother does not travel anymore at her age and therefore could not have come to my wedding if it was a destination wedding.  It was one of the biggest factors in my decision to have a local wedding.  The questions you have to ask yourself is whether or not you think you can truly be happy with your wedding if your grandmother isn’t there with you and whether or not you will you be pleased with your wedding pictures if she isn’t in them.  For me, the answers would have been no and no.  Having lost all three of my other grandparents already, it meant all the more to me that my grandmother could be at my wedding.  I didn’t want her to miss out on that (or for me to miss having her there) just because of my choices as I know that’s something I would have regretted for the rest of my life, but that’s just me.  It really boils down to what your priorities are in this wedding and what you are willing to sacrifice.

Post # 50
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@jessiebean:  Maybe my tone was unclear- I was just hoping you weren’t feeling pressured into the pro-grandma side just because so many bees said you shouldn’t do a Destination Wedding.  Good to hear that it was a mutual decision and I hope it works well for you!

Post # 51
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I’d try one of the Keys, or something closer to Florida, like the Bahamas, personally, if you’re really set on a destination wedding.  Otherwise, I’d say you are stuck with picking between your destination and your grandmother’s attendance.  Definitely cherish that your grandmother will see you get married; I lost my last grandparent (my grandmother, incidentally) a couple months ago.

Your alternative sounds like it will work for you, too. 

Post # 53
Member
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I would have the destination wedding and not have your grandmother go. I’d have a post wedding meet and greet at home immediately after that your grandmother can go to.

my personal story… My mom strong armed me into her favorite venue (which was amazing buticker twice as much as the other venue I loved) by claiming that my grandmother wouldn’t be able to make it down the stairs and sand at the one venue but could at the other (the one she wanted). Since she was paying for the reception, we backed off, but it cost us a lot more in other ways because we want with a higher end venue and we had to give up the brunch wedding for a dinner as well… So then we needed a dj, etc, etc. anyway, some the wedding day and all of my grandparents still couldn’t make it down to the sand for the ceremony and could hardly see it from the veranda and then my grandmother fell asleep during cocktail hour and had to be taken home and missed the entire reception… So really, we completely wasted our effort.

Post # 54
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jessiebean:  Having the wedding in parts is a great idea.  Like you said, everybody wins that way. 🙂

Post # 55
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

There’s no easy answer here.  You have to make a choice.  Do you want the destination wedding of your dreams?  Or do you want your grandmother there?  It sounds like you can’t have both.

Post # 56
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Tough crowd…I’m almost scared to even post this idea but I don’t think it’s been mentioned yet.  My Fiancé’s grandmother can’t make it to our Destination Wedding but she still wants us to go because it’s our dream.  As silly as this may seem to some, in order to show her how important she is to us…we’re going to Skype/FaceTime the wedding ceremony.  Although the logistics haven’t been completely ironed out, she’ll be able to see us in real time even if the sound may not be completely perfect.  Someone in the front row will either hold an iPad or we’ll set a laptop up near the altar.  Could you possibly tap into a WiFi signal nearby?  You could also live-stream the wedding if you have room in the budget.    

Post # 57
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That is a really tough decision! I totally understand that’s it’s your wedding and about the bride and the groom.

My co-worker had a Destination Wedding and her grandmother was on oxygen. Her grandmother had an episode at the rehearshal dinner and they had to stop everything and rush her to the hospital. My co-worker says that it kinda spoiled the day (in a non-selfish way) because she is so strongly attached to her grandmother she couldn’t stop worrying about her. She got discharged from the hospital in time to make it to the ceremony, but it made the day TEN times more stressful.

 

Hope that helps. 

The topic ‘Should I sacrifice destination wedding for grandma?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors