Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2018 - Lakewood, CA
Fiance and I have decided not to register for gifts for our wedding. We’ve been living together almost four years and we have everything we would need for married life. Also, because many of our guests are coming from out of town we didn’t want to add to their costs with gifts.
Should I put “no gifts please” or something at the bottom of the invite or is that tacky? I know most people don’t specify that gifts ARE included on their invitation, but they always add that little paper talking about where the couple is registered. If I just don’t add that paper in will people get the message?
Post # 2
Per etiquette, you shouldn’t mention gifts anywhere on the invitation. Additionally, I believe it’s also considered rude to include anything else in the invitation suite (the paper you mention) that mentions where the couple is registered. That should be spread through word of mouth or on the wedding website, at most.
So, to answer your question, yes, just not including anything is the correct answer. Regardless of whether you’re registered or not.
Post # 3
Same. Don’t mention a gift thing on you invitation. I would feel a little weird if I was your guest. Plus whether or not you had anything you want, it’s people’s gesture to express their best wishes to you.
Post # 4
Don’t say anything on the invite. If people ask, just say you don’t have a registry. Most will give cash.
Post # 5
if you truly don’t want gifts then I think its OK to put it on the invites. Its a completely different kettle of fish to asking or specifying what gifts you will accept on the invite. One is greedy/grabby the other is not. If you don’t put anything and ignore the issue of gifts you will end up with gifts. Many people default to money gifts when no registry exists.
You could also do an insert with the invite that reads
We are truly honoured to have so many guests travelling from far and wide to celebrate our marriage. We appreciate that travelling to attend our day has cost you time and money. As a result, we feel your presence is present enough. Please no gifts.
Post # 6
I agree. This is exactly what we’ve done. Invites went in mail this morning.
Post # 7
There was an automatic ‘registry’ section on our wedding website. Instead of listing registries we just wrote something along the lines of ‘your presence is our gift blah blah blah’. Some of the more traditional in my family took issue with that so we ended up adding a section about our favorite charities that people could donate to in lieu of presents. In the end we did get a little bit of cash but very few gifts, and the ones we did get were handmade and extremely thoughtful – no toasters or anything like that haha
Post # 8
Any mention of gifts on an invite is tacky.
Post # 9
My friends put similiar wording in their invite to what cmsgirl suggested.
They also had many guests out of town and felt that they didn’t require any gifts/money etc. I don’t see how that’s rude to write something like that …
Post # 10
I think the rationale behind the etiquette rule saying you shouldn’t mention gifts at all, even if it’s to say no gifts, is this-
If you say no gifts, the implication is made that gifts would have been expected if you had not said they were not. When in fact, whether or not someone gives you a gift is always up to the giver, and is not for the receiver to decide.
I frankly would never mind being told not to give a gift– I probably would gI’ve something small like a gift card anyway– but I would certainly not be at all miffed.
Post # 11
Exactly. It’s like a polite fiction of pretending that you never thought you were supposed to get any sort of gift in the first place. That’s why under traditional etiquette it’s not mentioned anywhere on the invite.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Do not mention gifts at all in the invite. You can send the “no gifts” message through word of mouth. If someone still gets you a gift, accept it graciously.
Post # 13
I think people who follow the etiquette crap to a T would be offended or call it tacky… more laid back people who follow more of the tradition, would likely think it gracious. If i was attending an out of town wedding, i would stil give a gift, as i follow the tradition that you never show up to a wedding empty handed. If the couple indicated no gifts on the invite, i would think it very thoughtful of them and perhaps allow myself to spend slightly less, although, still not show up empty handed. You know your crowd best.
Post # 14
“No gifts” is inappropriate. An invitation has one purpose, to offer hospitality. Gifts are the prerogative of the giver and you are not supposed to be thinking in terms of them in the first place. If someone asks directly you can tell them that you are well equipped and have everything you need.
Post # 15
I agree. I know it is actually the right thing not to mention it at all but in the case of really really meanimg no gifts and no cash , I think it IS ok to put your wording or similar . Even to add if they they care to , a donation to ( charity of choice ) in lieu.