(Closed) Should I say "no gifts" on the invite?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Per etiquette, you shouldn’t mention gifts anywhere on the invitation. Additionally, I believe it’s also considered rude to include anything else in the invitation suite (the paper you mention) that mentions where the couple is registered. That should be spread through word of mouth or on the wedding website, at most. 

So, to answer your question, yes, just not including anything is the correct answer. Regardless of whether you’re registered or not. 

Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Same. Don’t mention a gift thing on you invitation. I would feel a little weird if I was your guest. Plus whether or not you had anything you want, it’s people’s gesture to express their best wishes to you.

Post # 4
Member
3155 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t say anything on the invite. If people ask, just say you don’t have a registry. Most will give cash.

Post # 5
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
bridewithabook :  if you truly don’t want gifts then I think its OK to put it on the invites. Its a  completely different  kettle of fish to asking or specifying what gifts you will accept on the invite. One is greedy/grabby the other is not. If you don’t put anything and ignore the issue of gifts you will end up with gifts. Many people default to money gifts when no registry exists. 

You could  also do an insert with the invite that reads

We are truly honoured to have so many guests travelling from far and wide to celebrate our marriage. We appreciate that travelling to attend our day has cost you time and money. As a result, we feel your presence is present enough. Please no gifts.

Post # 6
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
bayoubee :  I agree. This is exactly what we’ve done. Invites went in mail this morning. 

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

There was an automatic ‘registry’ section on our wedding website. Instead of listing registries we just wrote something along the lines of ‘your presence is our gift blah blah blah’. Some of the more traditional in my family took issue with that so we ended up adding a section about our favorite charities that people could donate to in lieu of presents. In the end we did get a little bit of cash but very few gifts, and the ones we did get were handmade and extremely thoughtful – no toasters or anything like that haha

Post # 8
Member
947 posts
Busy bee

Any mention of gifts on an invite is tacky. 

Post # 9
Member
410 posts
Helper bee

My friends put similiar wording in their invite to what cmsgirl suggested. 

They also had many guests out of town and felt that they didn’t require any gifts/money etc. I don’t see how that’s rude to write something like that … 

Post # 10
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I think the rationale behind the etiquette rule saying you shouldn’t mention gifts at all, even if it’s to say no gifts, is this-

If you say no gifts, the implication is made that gifts would have been expected if you had not said they were not. When in fact, whether or not someone gives you a gift is always up to the giver, and is not for the receiver to decide.

I frankly would never mind being told not to give a gift– I probably would gI’ve something small like a gift card anyway– but I would certainly not be at all miffed.

Post # 11
Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
sparkosity :  Exactly. It’s like a polite fiction of pretending that you never thought you were supposed to get any sort of gift in the first place. That’s why under traditional etiquette it’s not mentioned anywhere on the invite. 

Post # 12
Member
5641 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Do not mention gifts at all in the invite.  You can send the “no gifts” message through word of mouth.  If someone still gets you a gift, accept it graciously.

Post # 13
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think people who follow the etiquette crap to a T would be offended or call it tacky… more laid back people who follow more of the tradition, would likely think it gracious. If i was attending an out of town wedding, i would stil give a gift, as i follow the tradition that you never show up to a wedding empty handed. If the couple indicated no gifts on the invite, i would think it very thoughtful of them and perhaps allow myself to spend slightly less, although, still not show up empty handed. You know your crowd best.

Post # 14
Member
13568 posts
Honey Beekeeper

“No gifts” is inappropriate. An invitation has one purpose, to offer hospitality. Gifts are the prerogative of the giver and  you are not supposed to be thinking in terms of them in the first place. If someone asks directly you can tell them that you are well equipped and have everything you need.

Post # 15
Member
10410 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
cmsgirl :  

I agree. I know it is actually the right  thing not to mention it at all   but in the case of really really meanimg no gifts and no cash , I think it IS ok to put  your wording or similar . Even to add  if they they  care to , a donation to   ( charity of choice ) in lieu. 

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