(Closed) Should I say something?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are requesting a week to help you finish the things you’ve been doing on your own for a city hall wedding?

I feel confused, somehow.

Post # 4
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think your feelings are understandable, but I think you also need to consider how you will feel in five or ten years. Would you regret having possibly damaged your friendship with angry words because her life and schedule didn’t revolve around you and your wedding? Or will you still be mad that she didn’t sacrifice money and time for you? I’m not trying to push you in one direction or the other… I just think it would benefit you to take some time to think about the future instead of getting stuck in your current feelings, if that makes sense.

For what it’s worth, I would be mad, too.

Post # 5
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What was she thinking?? Is this ticket already booked? I would probably tell her that you’re going to have to ask someone else to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. The number one responsibiliy of a Maid/Matron of Honor is to witness your wedding and sign your marriage license. (Or maybe I’m wrong about that?)

Post # 6
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

And PS I never told my Maid/Matron of Honor how upset I was with some of her decision and it still grates on me that I didn’t stand up for myself. I still feel like the bride who was walked on. There’s a way you can tell your Maid/Matron of Honor you’re disappointed and not ruin the friendship.

Post # 7
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly I don’t think you should say anything to her.

One thing that you need to remember is that NO ONE thinks your wedding is as important as you do and that people have other things going on in their lives.

Maybe she doesn’t understand how important the city hall ceremony is to you and thinks that the cultural ceremony and reception are the most important. And she has this opportunity to be in Europe and she wants to take advantage of that – you can understand that right?

I think this is a case of different priorities but nobody is right or wrong.

At most, if you have to say something to her, I would just express your dissapointment surrounding her missing the city hall ceremony.

Post # 8
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

so she’s going to be at your wedding, right?  Are you angry because she won’t be there for a week beforehand?

I’m confused – you said she’s coming back a day before the wedding but she’s missing the wedding?

Post # 9
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Asking for a week is a bit much. Even if you don’t want a shower or bacholorette it doesn’t mean you can ask your friends to suspend their lives and plans for a week. She has other obligations, and while I think she should try to make it back for the city hall ceremony (and perhaps you should stress how important it is to you?).

She has a valid reasons for why she won’t be there. I think she probably feels being there for the reception and cultural ceremony is more importnat then city hall. Instead of blowing this out of proportion and creating drama and bad feelings, how about you take some time and relax and start remind yourself that she is your friend, and her life doesn’t start revovling around you simply because you are getting married.

ps: Enjoy the people who will be there, and remember while she important her not being there isn’t going to stop your wedding preparations.


Post # 11
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I dont think you are being selfish at all its only fair (and common sense) that your Maid/Matron of Honor should be at your wedding! I myself havent nor am I having a engagement party, wedding shower, etc…. so I completely understand where you are coming from (the least she could do is be at your wedding right???). I would just bring it up nicely to her, dont be mean because then you will offend her right off the bat and it will lead to an argument. If youbring it up to her in a nice tone and explain that she is your Maid/Matron of Honor and it means the world to you that she is there she might see it from your point of view. To look at it where she is coming from she might not think its that big of a deal because she’ll be at the ceremony and receptino the next day maybe she just needs you to help her realise youre upset. Good luck

Post # 13
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you’re doing everything yourself- how is it she needs to help the entire week before your wedding?

Post # 14
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you are having a large cultural ceremony and a reception then I do not see the need to put so much focus on a city hall wedding. It would be ideal to have our nearest and dearest with us, but given that there are three events, you should be flexible on someone missing one of them. While the legally binding city hall ceremony is technically the “most important” because that is what makes you married, it’s also the least ceremonious, least elaborate, and one where you are least likely to need anyone’s help with anything.  

If it saves your MoH some money on an airline ticket then it’s really not fair of you to hold it against her. If she is going to come home a few days late anyway then she should be able to go tool around Europe; you’d not expect her to stare at the wall in a hotel room.

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