Post # 1
Generally when someone asks me if he/she should say something, I say no because I almost never think it’s worth it or helpful. I’m trying to give myself the same advice. I really, truly am…but every time I think of it, I get angry all over again and I can’t stop thinking of it because I’m so incredibly pissed.
At my wedding weekend before last, the rain threw everything off. My venue was extremely small and the ceremony space was the same as the reception space so the plan was to vacate and take pics on a grassy knoll after the ceremony while the staff “flipped” the room. It was freezing rain and unfortunately, the city doesn’t allow for tent pitching on the grassy knoll. The ceremony was about 30 minutes delayed because I sent the groom to run around the city to find matching black golf umbrellas for all 60 guests and I was freaking out because the humidity made my hair was the size of a freakin’ golf umbrella so I kept getting it retouched.
All this to say, even with the delay, I had a cousin who was late and missed the ceremony. The weather was too bad to even attempt to take pictures outside so we ended up buying out another room in the venue for guests to wait and drink/eat while my husband and I took pics in the forum area. My cousin arrives during this time, apologetic and explaining that her mother (my aunt) who had arrived on time, made her late. I tell her it’s no big deal (it really wasn’t), that I’m glad she made it and we invite her to go inside and grab drinks, we’ll catch up later. Well apparently, she had flipped out on her mom for making her late and stormed off in a huff of tears in front of everyone. When I come back inside, we attempt to take a few family pictures in front of the stairwell but were constantly interrupted by her sister (my cousin) going up to check on her because she was so upset, bringing her cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, etc. When it came time to take pics with my family, half of them were missing because they were upstairs comforting her mother who’d retreated out of embarassment. I didn’t want to delay our friends and my new in-laws from eating and beginning dinner to rally everyone so I just didn’t take pictures with my family. My cousin ended up leaving the reception before dinner was served without eating or saying goodbye. I never saw her again until Instagram the next day when I saw that she’d posted pictures kicking it at the hotel after she’d left the wedding.
Plenty of things to be angry about…I don’t even know where to start? But what upsets me the most is that because of her antics, directly or indirectly, I didn’t get pictures with my family on one of the most special days of my life. She ended up making it all about her and embarassed me and my family in the process. She wasted the $150 plate I’d paid for and left without even saying goodbye. She’s 25 years old, acts like she’s 3, and everyone lets her get away with it. I definitely rallied during the wedding and didn’t let the drama get to me but I hate that I have such a sour taste in my mouth after such a beautiful day and I know when pictures come back and I have none with my family, the hatred is going to bubble up again.
I vented to my sister and her response of “well, I’m not inviting that crazy b*tch to my wedding” made me giggle but I still feel like I should say something to let her know how hurtful (maddening?) it was that she couldn’t keep it together for one day to let someone else shine. What say ya’ll?
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
QuirkySocialite: Your gut is right. You need to just move on. I am sorry for what happened but what’s done is done and confronting her isn’t going to help anything.
Post # 3
QuirkySocialite: as ammusing as your fourth answer is, you do need to let it go. If she wants to appologize, she will. If she is not normally like that, it was probably a really bad day, and she will appologize once she comes to her sense. If she is normallylike that, she probably wouldn’t see why she was worng.
Post # 4
I agree with PP, your gut is right. Saying something probably won’t help. Complain to your mom and you sister, try to stay away from her when possible (she sounds awful) and try to spend as little of your energy as you can on being angry about this or anything else concerning her.
Post # 5
I do think the best option is to take the high ground and move on,however,i also know i would have to say something to her.I know it cant change anything but really,the dramatics of your cousin was downright rude and to say nothing allows this kind of behaviour to continue. Id definitely want her to know how much her actions pissed me off and then after that vent id move on 🙂
Post # 6
She sounds like a drama queen to me and what do they love the most ….. more drama. You talking to her will only add to the drama she is seeking. No matter how you tell her that her behaviour was inappropriate (which I do agree it was), I bet she will make it into a huge thing and it won’t make you feel any better. The only thing that may happen is someone will have sympathy for her. IMO I wouldn’t say anything to avoid playing into her shit.
Post # 7
hahahaha I voted for 4. But I think maybe you should have a nice dinner with your family for your anniversary or something and take some nice pics so that you can have some!
Post # 8
I would write her a letter explaining your feelings. Use “I” instead of “you”. Say things like “I was really shocked and disappointed that…”. “I was upset that things got so out of hand…”. “I feel cheated that the events took away from my photos and now I don’t have any.” She will know that her involvement is the cause of your feelings. The point of the letter? To make her aware, make you feel better, and put the ball in her court. You know what it means if she ignores the letter and doesn’t respond. And if she does, you can evaluate that too. Right now you just have an open wound. It deserves a chance at resolution. Only she can help you with that.
Post # 9
Sending a letter will allow her to pass it around to her friends or family with great drama and self-pity. I think she behaved abominably — but that so did your entire set of relatives who decided to spend time comforting your aunt instead of being with you. I think several people showed their true colors that day, and if they haven’t already apologized, they probably never will. Move on; I’m sure they’ll cause another scene soon.
Post # 10
Im shocked that so many people are telling you not to say anything. While ultimatly you should let it go, i think your’e right by saying everyone is enabling this behavior. I fear by keeping quiet about her scene you are also enabling her to act like this. I would talk to her personally. Use non threatening “I” statements but make it clear that this was unacceptable. Even if she doesn’t want to hear it someone needs to call her out on her selfish behavior.
QuirkySocialite: good luck! Im sure your wedding was beautiful regardless of her actions!
Post # 11
I think the bigger problem was your family. Everyone who missed the photos, for whatever reason, was at fault. I would be having stern words with any of those who were missing, the next time I got the chance, if they were people I was close to. Like, forget your aunt and cousin’s family, were you able to get photos with at least your immediate family? If not, I’d fairly upset with them.