(Closed) Should I say something?

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

That is annoying and unfortunate that FI’s brother is digging his heels in – I suspect he’s using the baby as an excuse. It could be that he is not ‘allowed’ (which is ridiculous) to do a nighttime thing. This happened to my FI’s brother – a lot of married guys made sheepish excuses for not going to his bucks party, but really it was that their wives had an issue with the idea of nighttime entertainment. 

I think you need to have a strong word with FI’s brother and get to the bottom of why he doesn’t want to come. Or if you don’t feel comfortable, get one of the other groomsmen to do it. If he really won’t come to the party no matter what, could your Fiance do something like… an activity like paintball or laser tag or something in the afternoon, then anybody who wants to leave can do so, and everybody else goes out on the town?

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by missmunch.
Post # 4
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I know, it is very selfish. Especially considering what your Fiance has already done for him. I guess it’s worth remembering that you can’t control other people, only your response to them – i.e. don’t let them get you down. Even if Brother-In-Law won’t come or will only come for part of it, your Fiance can still have a great time with everybody else that did choose to be there with him. 

Post # 5
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It sounds like it’s the sister, perhaps you could ask her if she’d like to have a girls night in so you could help watch the baby while they’re out? Might be a bit passive aggressive but it could add a bit of pressure for her to knock it off and if he truly is worried about the baby he’ll feel better knowing she has help.

If they still resist, I’d suggest he get his night out sans brother 🙁

Post # 8
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think planning the event so that there are two parts – day and evening- is a good solution. That seems to be a fairly common way of doing things here (for hen and stag parties). Often there are daytime activities followed by a night on the town and people attend the bits that work for them – depending on costs and time and their preferences. 

Post # 9
1157 posts
Bumble bee

I’d speak to the best friend. My husband had an all-day thing in 3 parts:

Morning: paintball

Afternoon: bbq

Evening: night on the town

People came and went as they pleased; people who weren’t up for paintball joined for lunch and people who needed to go home early didn’t go drinking. Easy – don’t see why there’s a problem. 

Post # 10
8457 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Glad it’s been sorted out. I have to say though, seems weird to me how many people think the OP should butt in on this. It’s the guys’ party, it’s the guys’ business to figure it out and make it happen or not. We all want our partners to be happy and have a good time, but it’s controlling and out-of-bounds (imo) to call up his brother or other friends to try and shoehorn them into my idea of a fun party. They’re adults, if they can’t stand up to one outlier who can’t do a nighttime thing, that’s on them.

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