Post # 1
Hi Bees! I’m hoping you can help me as I’m really torn on what to do about this one. I’m not really fussed about a Hens day and would be happy not to have one at all so nothings been organised for that. My fiance on the other hand is really looking forward to having a bucks party which is fine by me, and I’m really hoping he has fun. So the 2 groomsmen are his brother and best friend and they’ve been trying to organise the bucks with help of another close friend. All good in theory.
So I’ve secretly just found out that Fiance’s brother has said the bucks has to be a daytime thing cos he’s busy and has a baby. I get that it’s a bit inconvenient for him, but the other guys and my fiance want a night out on the town. The bucks is a suprise of sorts for my Fiance – he knows it’s happening but thats it. I just don’t want him to be disappointed and I don’t think I can step in and do anything. And what really annoys me is that we went to so much trouble organising the brother’s bucks (my Fiance organised his bucks for him) and helping with the wedding etc. and now it’s our turn it seems like he won’t go out of his way at all. Baby will be fine as my hens won’t be the same day so his wife can look after the baby. I just really don’t get it. Is there anything I can do or should I just leave it for the boys to sort out??
Post # 2
That is annoying and unfortunate that FI’s brother is digging his heels in – I suspect he’s using the baby as an excuse. It could be that he is not ‘allowed’ (which is ridiculous) to do a nighttime thing. This happened to my FI’s brother – a lot of married guys made sheepish excuses for not going to his bucks party, but really it was that their wives had an issue with the idea of nighttime entertainment.
I think you need to have a strong word with FI’s brother and get to the bottom of why he doesn’t want to come. Or if you don’t feel comfortable, get one of the other groomsmen to do it. If he really won’t come to the party no matter what, could your Fiance do something like… an activity like paintball or laser tag or something in the afternoon, then anybody who wants to leave can do so, and everybody else goes out on the town?
Post # 3
Yep, I have a strong suspicion it’s about his wife saying no which is frankly unreasonable. The problem is my Fiance is none the wiser as the guys are planning the bucks for him so I don’t want to ruin the surprise by telling him about it.
Maybe I could call one of the other boys and just let them know if the brother won’t come around, just suggest they do what you suggest and have a daytime thing and then option to kick on for the night.
It frustrates me as family is super important to me and these are my future Brother-In-Law and SIL and they are really quite selfish when it comes to stuff like this.
Post # 4
I know, it is very selfish. Especially considering what your Fiance has already done for him. I guess it’s worth remembering that you can’t control other people, only your response to them – i.e. don’t let them get you down. Even if Brother-In-Law won’t come or will only come for part of it, your Fiance can still have a great time with everybody else that did choose to be there with him.
Post # 5
It sounds like it’s the sister, perhaps you could ask her if she’d like to have a girls night in so you could help watch the baby while they’re out? Might be a bit passive aggressive but it could add a bit of pressure for her to knock it off and if he truly is worried about the baby he’ll feel better knowing she has help.
If they still resist, I’d suggest he get his night out sans brother 🙁
Post # 6
aw thanks bees! Sometimes i feel like I’m unfair on Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law, but I’m so thankful that you understand how I’m feeling. I just called one of the other boys partners and she said they’re doing a day and night thing anyway and Future Brother-In-Law will just have to decide whether he stays for the whole thing. Not ideal and really disappointing that this is even an issue but at least Fiance will get the fun night out that will make him happy.
Hopefully over time Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law start putting more effort into their relationship wirh us because I am looking forward to being in their family.
Post # 8
I think planning the event so that there are two parts – day and evening- is a good solution. That seems to be a fairly common way of doing things here (for hen and stag parties). Often there are daytime activities followed by a night on the town and people attend the bits that work for them – depending on costs and time and their preferences.
Post # 9
I’d speak to the best friend. My husband had an all-day thing in 3 parts:
Evening: night on the town
People came and went as they pleased; people who weren’t up for paintball joined for lunch and people who needed to go home early didn’t go drinking. Easy – don’t see why there’s a problem.
Post # 10
Glad it’s been sorted out. I have to say though, seems weird to me how many people think the OP should butt in on this. It’s the guys’ party, it’s the guys’ business to figure it out and make it happen or not. We all want our partners to be happy and have a good time, but it’s controlling and out-of-bounds (imo) to call up his brother or other friends to try and shoehorn them into my idea of a fun party. They’re adults, if they can’t stand up to one outlier who can’t do a nighttime thing, that’s on them.