(Closed) Friend Potentially Ruining Life…Should I Say Something?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think since she is having doubts, I wouldn’t feel weird about bringing something up, especially if she thinks that he will change just because he is getting married.

Post # 4
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think since she’s “opened the door”, it’s okay for you to tactfully state your opinion. Don’t bad-mouth her fiance, in case they do get married, but do tell her she can still back out and if she’s having second thoughts already that’s not a good sign.

Getting divorced SUCKS. If it’s not going to work, it’s better for her to walk away before the wedding than after.

Post # 5
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

just tell her to follow her heart. pls dont tell her not to marry him, because she already knows she shouldnt and wants someone else to say it outloud too so she can have someone else to blame in the future. i was in a similar situation with a friend like that and i thought i was being helpful but in the end people still do what they want to. just tell her to do what she feels is best since she knows how she feels better than anyone else

Post # 6
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

She has voiced doubts so I think that’s a good sign she would be open to talking about her Fiance and their marriage. Tread gently – especially if this is her first relationship it will be hard for her to imagine that this isn’t normal or right and that there will be someone else out there better. I think people get nervous about the embarrassment of a broken engagement, so you might want to make sure she knows that no one would think badly of her. Much better a broken engagement than a broken marriage! She might need that validation, I have known people who broke off engagements only after a gentle conversation from a loved one. Also, be prepared for her to not appreciate your concern. A friend of mine recently got irrefutable proof that her friend was being cheated on by her Boyfriend or Best Friend – she decided she needed to speak up and the friendship now appears to be over (the friend has chosen not to believe her, and is sticking with her BF).

Post # 7
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Since she said something, I would bring it up. I definitely wouldn’t if she had not. I agree with you on the don’t say anything unless it’s abusive or there’s cheating.

My friend recently did this to me, except that I’m already married, and she really didn’t have any strong evidence for anything; it was nothing about abuse or cheating. It took me some time to get over it, and I still don’t know how to deal with her. Just be prepared for her to withdraw for a period of time if she takes it hard, whether or not she agrees with what you have to say.

Post # 8
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

Since she is expessing some doubts, think you should use this as an opportunity to tell her that the issues she has with him right now–will not just go away or get better. Marriage does not change anyone’s personality. As for your opinions about the guy, I would leave them out of it. You can make her defensive, and you don’t want that.

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