Post # 1
I am in a tough financial spot – numerous weddings, showers, bachelorette weekends this summer, including my own wedding! I am also buying a house and really trying to budget.
A friend’s bachelorette is coming up and the Maid/Matron of Honor keeps adding to the list of things we have to pay for. A private chef dinner, pricey house, $20 matching shirt, okay fine. But she just sent another email saying she’s putting together a book and we are all expected to chip in.
Can I email her and say something? Explain my situation? In my experience, the bridal party pays for extras that they agree on, they don’t expect everyone else to chip in on those things. Obviously I will be paying for my part of dinners + bride’s portion, etc. but I recently helped throw one in which I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and didn’t like ask for other girls to chip in on the favors and decorations I bought… especially the girls that arne’t as close to the bride, etc. Thoughts?
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
“Sorry, I can’t make that work with my budget” is all you need to say. She’s out of line.
Post # 3
You don’t have to explain anything in detail. “Sorry, can’t do it. Sounds like a great gift though, I’m sure she’ll love it!”
Post # 4
I agree with the posters above.
I travelled from another continent for a friend”s wedding, arriving on time to be there for the bachelorette party. I can’t remember how much the day was even meant to cost, but because I’d already paid flights, the bridal party offered from early on to cover my contribution to the bachelorette party. The others each paid their contribution for food and activities but the bridal party covered decorations and any other extras.
Post # 5
Honestly I am not getting these expensive bachelorette party trends. I’ve never been invited to a bachelorette party where I was expected to pay for anything other than myself. I’d bring a gift and buy a drink but cover all of her expenses for an out of town shindig? I’d never ask my girls to do that. Draw your line wherever you need to. I’m sure the bride will just be thrilled to have you there in the first page.
Post # 6
I agree with PP’s “Sorry, I just can’t fit the book into my budget” line. She doesn’t get to buy all this stuff and throw the cost on everyone else without asking. That’s not how this works.
Post # 7
The expenses surrounding weddings are getting out of control. Pre parties, showers, gifts after gifts, I think it needs to stop. folks cringe when they get an invitation.
Post # 8
I would email and say:
Hey Maid/Matron of Honor, I dont want to be a drag but Im really stressed about paying for all the weddings/showers/bachelorettes Im involved in this year not to mention my own wedding! My budget is really tight. Im getting nervous as little expenses for Bride’s trip are adding up. I just wanted you to be aware that I really cant contribute more than what we agreed upon initially. Hope thats alright. I am so looking forward to the festivities!
Post # 9
I’ve learned saying little is best sometimes. I’m in a weird situation for an upcoming Bach party. The host is acting like the one you described. I’m simply saying “I wont be coming to X activity. Have fun! I’ll see you for the following activity”.
Post # 10
I echo a PP. I would say something like, “Sorry, that is not in my budget. At this time, I can commit to X amount and no more.”
It’s wrong of Maid/Matron of Honor to be adding things without discussing it prior. I have been a bridesmaid and a Maid/Matron of Honor. As Maid/Matron of Honor, I always put it up to a group vote prior to making any decisions so that everyone was comfortable. As a bridesmaid, I’ve only ever had one Maid/Matron of Honor who wouldn’t let us help plan or divulge any information with us, but in the end, she paid for 100% of the bachelorette party because we had no say in it.
Post # 11
If any of this did not involve a joint discussion, and budget considerations for all concerned then Maid/Matron of Honor was out of line.
I personally don’t think you need to justify or say you are overextended financially. I’d just say you’re sorry but you are not comfortable contributing to any extra expenses at this point.
Post # 12
Keep it short & sweet. “That’s not in my budget. As originally agreed, I will chip in $100 for the beach house (or whatever)”.
Ypu do not owe explanations or apologies. In my experience, doing so only seems to invite discussion.
Post # 13
I’m in the same situation (actually wondering if it’s the same person…) but it’s for my cousin, so I don’t feel like I can say anything. I have a flight out to Va, $180 for my “share of the house” I’m not sure how a house split 10 ways for 2 nights can possibly be $180…Then we get an email from the Maid/Matron of Honor (also my cousin) saying she hired transportation for the weekend for us so there’s more $$$ and she’ll let us know what our share is. Plus a $20 shirt, and winery tours that she has lined up (also haven’t gotten a price on this) and now she also wants us to bring lingerie for the bride for a “game”. I’m going to have $1000 easy in this after I have already flown in for the shower and had hotel stays then, plus the gift. Plus flying in for the wedding for me and Fiance our hotel and gift. Plus I’m also getting married about 8 weeks after her. (And no her and her sisters aren’t coming to my shower or bachelorette.) when I asked around all my friends said, yeah that’s pretty common your stuff is by far the most laid back and cheapest. I paid for the cabin for mine because I refused to have people pay to celebrate me. I just think it’s rude.
Post # 14
Yup definately just say sorry this is not in my budget. If her Maid/Matron of Honor wants to have all this cutesy stuff etc then she can cover it.. it is very rude of her to plan all this without asking anyone’s budget and handing the bill to people.
Post # 15
this is a perfect response. the irony, and the reason this whole thing is even more ridiculous, is we never even agreed on anything! usually people say what its going to cost or ask about budget. Nope. the whole time it has just been telling us how it will be and adding on.