(Closed) Should I say something? (Long SORRY!)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I confront this?
    Let it go and hope for no drama on your wedding day! : (14 votes)
    58 %
    Confront her! : (10 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    once again lady…so sorry to hear you’re going through this! i dont think there is an easy way…then again you know me. you are alot nicer in situations like this than i am. i probably would have confronted her. btw….I MISS YOU!

    Post # 5
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m really sorry you have to deal with this! She seems to have some kind of issue but is holding it in and taking out her anger on you when you don’t deserve it. I would try to talk to her about it, in a calm way, and ask her if anything was wrong and ask her why she has been acting the way she has because it isn’t right for her to treat you like that. I hope things get better for you soon!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m so sorry!  It can’t be easy planning a wedding from far away.  It sounds like something is going on with your Bridesmaid or Best Man that she’s not telling you about.  Would it help to call her up and talk?  Maybe say, “Hey, it feels like we’re not as close as we used to be, is something going on?”  Try to be non-confrontational about it, because that never helps. 

    As far as little stuff like the flip flops go… I don’t know, if it were me, I would try not to stress about those kinds of things.  On your wedding day, you’re not going to notice what kind of footwear people are wearing, particularly since you said your BMs are wearing long dresses.  And who cares what she thinks about your headtable? It’s your headtable.  When she gets married, she can have her headtable however she wants ๐Ÿ™‚ 

    Breathe!  You are in the homestretch!  I know how stressed out you probably are right now (my wedding is the day after yours) and how easy it is to let the little stuff take over, but try to not let it ๐Ÿ™‚

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I just read your last post- I would ask your military friends and other BMs to please stay out of whatever issue your Bridesmaid or Best Man and you are having.  Maybe assign someone (non wedding party) to deal with any and all drama that comes up on your big day, including possible outbursts from this Bridesmaid or Best Man.  The last thing you need is all of your BMs and best friends coming to your defense- it will only escalate the situation and make it much worse.  Is there ANYONE that she listens to?  Her mom, your brother, anyone?  Maybe you can assign them to be the one who takes her aside if things get heated and talks her down from the crazy ledge.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    OK, here’s my advice: I wouldn’t say anything to her…just ignore it, continue being the bigger person. If she is the way you describe her, sounds like she will take offense to ANYTHING. She’s drama and wants you to be stressed out and a mess b/c of her. Don’t give into it and don’t let her ruin YOUR day. There is obviously something wrong with HER that probably has nothing to do with you. If you haven’t offended her, then let it go. You might say “Have I offended you in any way?” and she will most likely say no since it seems she doesn’t know how to express her true feelings anyways. I have a friend like this and this helped me:

    http://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-a-Controlling-Person

    Knowing that it’s her issue and that she’s insecure, it helped me deal with my own emotions and how to interact with her (or how to just stay away lol). Things will work out, focus on all the good things and the fact that you’re getting married!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 11
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    looks like you’re getting some good advice from the bees! dont worry…i promise i wont cause any drama at your wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ i’ll be too busy having fun enjoying all the cool stuff you’ve done for your wedding!!!! i gotta feeling that your wedding day is gonna be amazing for you guys!! im just glad that i get to be there!!! you’re like a sister to me lady!!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    Why did you ask her to be in your wedding?  Do you feel like you are otherwise close?  Was it because you felt like you had to?  Iam also wondering, being 3 years older, is she in a relationship?  If not, could she be jealous?  If your Future Sister-In-Law is older than you, maybe she is finding it easier to relate to her, and is trying to be her friend?  (And feels like you are standing in her way.)  Could she feel hurt that she was not asked to be in your brother’s wedding?  Is it possible she’s felt like she’s been in your shadow for some reaosn, in your family?  (You were the big sports or music star?  You were more outgoing growing up?)

    I don’t knwo what her problem is…. just some thoughts.

    If it were me, I probably wouldn’t say much.  I wouldn’t discount asking if she was OK, or if you “had offended her in some way”.  Maybe it would help her to feel like she knows you still care.  But if you feel like she will be too sensitive about that, I’m not sure I’d bother. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    You seem to know she’s all drama, and she seems deadset on pissing you off, so just let it go.  You’ll have plenty of time to get her back for anything at your FSIL’s wedding when you once again “outshine” her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  You could even throw in a very snide “And I didn’t have to ask to be in this wedding…”  Whatev.  Put up with her, then drop her like a stone.  You don’t need the stress or the negativity.  Just ignore her existence and stop tryin to include her so much.  She’s not worth the effort.

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