(Closed) Should I say something or is it not worth it?

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 31
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

59 people?  Oh no 🙁
What do you mean replied “maybe” though?  Did you do online RSVPs?  This is why I think a formal envelope RSVP is better; they have something on their fridge reminding them etc.

Still, that sucks.  I’m so sorry.

Post # 32
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I guess the lesson here is to only have an event you can afford and not go into debt, because people aren’t necessarily going to be grateful or treat your event with the respect it deserves. 

Post # 33
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

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Anon93:  Wow, that sucks :(. Hunting them down would be stressful, but it would be helpful to know why at least some people didn’t attend. Who were the non-attendants? In retrospect, were there people that maybe weren’t that close to you and didn’t care that much? Are your family members a little flaky to begin with? If a lot of the family didn’t attend, I might ask your parents to do a little digging for you. 

It sounds like both sides of the family blew it. It’s still possible that some sort of emergency occurred, and they just didn’t want to turn your wedding day into a sad event for you. 

Again, congratulations on your new marriage. I hope you can still feel some bliss despite this issue. 

Post # 34
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Im so sorry to hear this OP. I would be heart broken and on here if it were me so i dont understand why people are questioning your post. 

Post # 35
Member
13652 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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oeno:  That only lowers her to their level. But if anyone does write or call to say they missed it just “because” I would personally not feel obligated to reply.  Certainly not in a timely way, if that. I would not be inviting these people anywhere in the near future, either. 

Post # 36
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sounds to me like you need new friends.

I would be contacting the ones closest to me who didn’t come and I’d really be re-evaluating my relationship with them based on the “reason” they couldn’t attend … AND the reason they couldn’t inform you in advance … I wouldn’t contact all 59, but definitely the people I was most hurt about.

Post # 37
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

That’s a crazy number of no shows!! Who were these people? Friends? family? Coworkers? Acquaintances?

i just can’t imagine having that many no shows. We seriously limited our guest list to only closest family and friends. If we didn’t talk to them in a regular basis (monthly) they didn’t get invited. Kept costs down And we had ZERO no shows (just a few last minute cancellations the week before but early enough to change catering numbers). 

Maybe this can sethe as a lesson to future brides. Don’t spend more than you can afford and only invite people you know love you and will make every effort to come. 

Post # 38
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

I’m really sorry that happened to you, people can be very rude. But dear, if you were emptying your bank account to feed your guests, you should have invited fewer people in the first place. Your wedding is very special, but you don’t want to start out your marriage with no money.

Post # 40
Member
13652 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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Anon93:  I would discourage your husband from posting that group message, which is passive aggressive and will be interpreted that way. As hurt as you both are, and justifiably so, take the high road. 

What do your parents think? 

Post # 41
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

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Anon93:  I think you made the right choice to delete them from FB. Maybe they’ll notice this and ask and then maybe some won’t notice at all. Either way, these people who don’t feel it’s important enough to keep their word about coming to your wedding don’t need to be apart of your (social media) life. As far as calling them out on FB in a message, I feel as though the ones who will be most upset by it will be the ones with the worst excuse and didn’t really care to being with, but you guys have every right to call these people out for being so rude. That’s just my 2 cents.

Post # 42
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

I understand you’re hurt, but I don’t think just deleting them all from Facebook is the answer.  (Your husband putting up a post about “true friends” is quite obvious, by the way.)  To me it’s just as immature and passive aggressive as skipping a wedding.

Why not message/text them first?  Ask if everything is okay.  What if some of them have a legitimate excuse?  People know they’re not supposed to text a bride or groom on their wedding day, bringing them down.  If they have NO excuse, at least they’ll know you have cause when you do eventually cut them from your life (and facebook feed).

Post # 43
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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Anon93:  Holy crap. I am so so sorry this happened. This is literally my nightmare. I have a huge family and feeding them all is costing serious money. We are getting married about a 2 hour drive from most of them, which isn’t terrible in our area- growing up we all lived about 90 minutes to 2 hours from grandparents whom we saw very regularly. But still- I keep imagining when the day comes a huge portion will somehow decide it isn’t worth it to make the drive. 

Here’s the thing- while for you it was a ton of people, for each of them it was just them- maybe one or two people. They don’t know that everyone else didn’t go either. It totally sucks and was really thoughtless of all of them, but individually it isn’t actually that bad. If something “came up” the day of, I don’t know that I’d bother calling because I’d be worried I’d stress out or disappoint you on your wedding day. I’d rationalize that you probably won’t notice just me and my fiance… not realizing we’d be part of a huge group that no-showed. 

I guess what’s done is done, but I would have held off on deleting them for a couple weeks. You’re, understandably, very emotional about it right now but it might not be relationship-ending for you once you’ve had time to lick your wounds. 

Post # 44
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

If you only had two bags of fried chicken left, how was that going to feed 60 people? Maybe they heard there was no food?

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