(Closed) Should I say something to my BM about her drinking and how should I say it?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I say something to this bridesmaid about her lateness/drinking behaivour?
    say nothing she was probably just having a good time. : (5 votes)
    14 %
    tell her not to drink until after dinner at the wedding and to be on time : (13 votes)
    36 %
    tell her how embarrassing she was and explain that it's not okay EVER : (16 votes)
    44 %
    other (please post idea) : (2 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    1695 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @breadandbutterflies:  First off, I think she’s lucky that you care about her.  I think you should mention it, but in a kind way.  Don’t focus on her behavior as much as how you’re worried about her.  Of course her behavior while drinking is an issue, but she may be more receptive if you tell her that you’re worried about her as a person.  Maybe invite her to lunch.  Tell her that you really care about her, but that lately you’re worried about her drinking.  She may not respond well.  Be prepared for that.  But you’ll know that you’ve done what you can.  If you think that this may cause a problem between the two of you, maybe wait until after the wedding?  You know her better than I do, so it’s hard to say how to time it.  I hope that helps!  Good luck to you. 


    Post # 4
    1071 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I just told my sister who is my Maid/Matron of Honor “please try not to get wasted at the ceremony, i need you to be there for me”. Hopefully that works

    Post # 5
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Her behavior sounds annoying, but from what you said I don’t know if she has an issue or not. Either sit her down tell her you didn’t like or appreicate her behavior at your wedding. You hope she drinks moderately and after dinner where people are less likly to notice.

    Post # 6
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    won’t she be with you before the reception? For ceremony/pictures? Maybe just don’t  have any alcohol available at the pre-reception events if you are worried.

    I hope she is a good friend other than the inappropriate behavior when drinking, I assume she must be if she is your Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you do decide to confront her before the wedding make sure it’s when she’s sober, she sounds like a handful.

    Post # 8
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I wouldn’t give her instructions on how to act at your wedding, but I would tell her that you were upset about how she acted at the bridal shower.

    Post # 9
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think you need to address this outside the context of the wedding and shower.  You can use the shower incidents as an example but be sure to give at least one other example from non-wedding-related events too. And only bring it up if you are genuinely concerned about her drinking as it relates to every event and not just the wedding. It is a very delicate subject and not one that most people want to have brought up to them, so you need to be careful not to give her a chance to think “well she is just being a total b*** about her wedding.”

    You may want to attend a few Alanon meetings before approaching her. This is a support group for loved ones of alcoholics, and you can often learn some really good skills for helping someone who has a drinking problem, regardless of if it is just partying too hard or full-blown alcoholism (a very fine line) it is still a problem.

    Post # 10
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I voted “other” and it’s because you have to consider what type of person she is and how she will react to your words.  One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man likes to drink and she gets a bit rude and, frankly, annoying. I know she takes things to heart so I have to be extra gentle.  I will probably have her do a task that involves her staying somewhat sober and give her a little Lecture.  “BM, I really appreciate that you are going to help me (task here) all night but I want you to have fun too.  We have to stay away from the alcohol somewhat because of (something the duty calls for).”

    Post # 11
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I would tell her straight up, that you love her as a friend but not the person she becomes when she is drinking, and to please respect you by making sure both her and her boyfriend are respectful and do not get drunk at your wedding. Ask someone to keep an eye out who can run interference if they get out of hand, hopefully so that you’ll never even know it’s happening!

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