(Closed) Should I say something to my BM?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I would just let it go. What’s the issue?  I can kinda see it, if it was your Bridesmaid or Best Man that got married there, but not her cousin.

Post # 4
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Maybe she thinks she’s being helpful? As in, when you’re discussing centerpieces etc and she’s telling you what they did maybe she feels like she’s just giving a suggestion? Saying "My cousin had tall vases with calla lilies when she got married there." is the same as "What about tall vases with calla lilies?"

Not to be mean, but I think you may be a little oversensitive and taking your BMs comments the wrong way.

Post # 5
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

It’s sounds more like she’s trying to be helpful and give you suggestions, rather than bring you down. You never know, her cousin could turn out to be a helpful resource! I wouldn’t let it rub you the wrong way.

Post # 6
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Try not to take her comments too seriously.  She really is probably just trying to help.  I’m having the same problem w/ my Future Mother-In-Law saying those things about my FSIL’s wedding.  "When ____ got married, we did ____."  At first, I was getting totally annoyed but now Fiance and I just say "Oh, that’s nice. But this is our wedding so it probably won’t be exactly like ___’s wedding."  Then when we’re by ourselves we just laugh about it.

Post # 7
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

That is a perfect suggestion kosstobe – just be subtle about it. Letting her know that you appreciate her trying to help, but you don’t think you’d like your wedding to be like your cousin’s.

Post # 8
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree she’s probably just trying to be helpful and doesn’t realize that you are maybe a bit sensitive about the fact that her cousin used "your" venue – and I would totally look at it as "mine" too since you were booked first. I’m territorial 🙂

Post # 9
150 posts
Blushing bee

I say just let it go before starting potential drama with her.

But if you feel the need to say something I’d do it in convo, not confront her necessarily, maybe next time she says that make a comment like "yea that sounds pretty but I’m wanting mine to be not so cliche"….ok that is a little catty, but maybe she will get the hint that you have your own ideas. 🙂

we all have friends/bms that are oblivious to proper wedding related comments, sometimes you just have to laugh it off.

Post # 10
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you are taking her comments the wrong way. It sounds like she is trying to be helpful, I could imagine she might think she is EXTRA helpful since she’s already been to a wedding there. If you really need to say something, the next time she starts a tangent about her cousins centerpieces looking perfect with the shape of the room just say "Well, I am having a MUCH DIFFERENT wedding than your cousin, even though it’s the same venue!"

Post # 11
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Don’t say ANYTHING. It’s not a big deal and if you say something it will become a big deal. Plus, she may vent to your other BMs, which could start unwanted drama amoungst friends.

She sounds like she’s just trying to be helpful since she’s seen the venue ‘in action’

Post # 12
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think she is more or less just trying to help, since she has seen a wedding first hand at your venue already.

I dont really see what the big deal is, and if you say something I think its way our of context and may offend her and causing more of a riff for your big day!


Post # 14
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am so sorry about the loss of your Bridesmaid or Best Man to melanoma. Big hugs! It sounds like you are dealing with a lot, and many of us know exactly how stressful wedding planning is–even without the undue sadness you are experiencing. I think it’s big of you to recoginize these feelings and take the high road, even when one Bridesmaid or Best Man is being particularly frustrating. Was she friends with the other BM? Is she feeling sad about the loss, too, and being reminded of it with your wedding and losing interest b/c of that? Something to consider… There are millions of reasons why people do the things they do, and I’m not trying to make excuses for her–it’s a hard issue all around. Have you talked to her about the things she should be doing, but is not?

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