(Closed) Should I send a gift?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I send her a gift?




  • Post # 3
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    She sounds like a pain, but since she sent you a small gift, I’d say reciprocate.  It doesn’t need to be anything big, maybe a gift card.

    Post # 4
    47436 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Have you even considered the possibilty that she invited you to be polite? That as she was invited to one of your showers, she might have thought it would be rude not to invite you?

    It is always best in family matters to take the high road.  Decline the invitation asap to the hostess, and send her a card and small gift or gift card.


    Post # 5
    6571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    That’s kind of crappy, I think it’s kind of rude to invite people so far away that you’re not close to. But I would send something small anyway, it would make it easier and you don’t want to start any fights in the family.

    Post # 6
    676 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I’d send a small gift and a card with my regrets.

    Post # 7
    7172 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I would not send a gift, personally.  I wouldn’t even send a card.  You don’t like this girl and hopefully it will stop future invites for events you obviously know you can’t attend.  If anything, I’d send her an email saying:  thanks for thinking of me for the shower, sorry I can’t attend!  and leave it like that.

    Post # 8
    7691 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I dont think you should send a gift. You can get them a gift for their wedding and let that be that. No big deal IMO

    Post # 10
    5493 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think you should send a gift.  In this situation the gift is not just to her but to your DH’s cousin as they will both be enjoying whatever you get them together.  I’m sure she invited you out of obligation because you are family.  For the same reason I would send a small gift.

    Post # 11
    9024 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would send a card or maybe a regift lol since you dont like her.

    Post # 12
    994 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Normally I’d say you are not required to send a gift, but if she sent you a small one, I’d reciprocate.

    Post # 13
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think you should decline to attend but send a small gift. You may have been invited because you were invited to the wedding, in some areas custom is to invite everyone to the shower that is invited to the wedding. Depending on where she is from this could be what she is doing.

    Post # 14
    3324 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think if you think it is a gift grab then you shouldn’t reward that behaviour with a gift. 

    She is clearly following the “it’s your wedding do whatever you want” school of thought. Or the ever popular “I did XXXXX thing and nobody complained” I think sending a gift (when you feel it’s a gift grab) is not helping her in the long run. 

    You have etiquette on your side for this one, use it.  You are not obligated to send a gift whenever you get an invitation to an event.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a birthday, anniversary, shower, new year.  Invitations are not summons’ or bills with something owing.

    If this was someone you were close with and enjoyed I’d feel differently.  But you barely like this person. 


    Post # 15
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I agree with @julies1949.  But you know better than we do as to her reasons for inviting you.  Even if her intentions weren’t pure, still send a small gift & a little note.  I think it’s the polite thing to do, and it will create the least potential family stress for you.

    Post # 16
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    Honestly, I wouldn’t send a gift. Especially since there is so much animosity that she has brought on herself. You can send a card but even that isn’t required.

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