(Closed) Should I send a wedding invitation to this person?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I send this person a wedding invitation?
    Yes - if you sent the STD, you must send the invite no matter what : (19 votes)
    58 %
    No - it's pointless since you're not even friends anymore : (13 votes)
    39 %
    Other (explain) : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    I would give her a call (not a text or e-mail) and ask her to call you back to verify her address for her wedding invite.  If/when she calls you back, let her know that you weren’t sure if she even wanted to go, and talk to her about why she’s been so distant lately. 

    Since you already sent the save-the-date, I wouldn’t just not send her an invitation, that seems rude to me, but it’s worth trying to make contact with her and see if she’s even interested in still going. 

    If she doesn’t call back, I’d say you can skip the invitation however, because then obviously, she’s not making any effort to attend anyway. But at least then, you’ve left the ball in her court. 

    Post # 6
    233 posts
    Helper bee

    Save your money!  Don’t send her one.  You’ve made attempts to reach out.  If she can’t be bothered, then don’t waste the postage! 

    Post # 7
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Email is not as reliable as people seem to think it is.  Invitations don’t cost much, so why not send one?  Do you want to salvalge the friendship at all?  Because if you don’t send one, you have no chance.

    Post # 8
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    @juliette.eliza:  I agree with this suggestion, I do think that if you sent a save the date then etiquette says you should send an invitation, but I think this way will allow you to politely bow out if you like.

    Post # 9
    7174 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I’d send her an invite.  But, only if you do so with the understanding that nothing is likely to change.  It could, possibly, but there is no guarantee.  It sounds like she’s going through a rough patch and is acting out.  I’m sorry she has not been the friend you desire her to be, but sometimes friendships (even the closest ones) drift apart when life changes (like getting married).  I’m assuming she’s single and she may feel as though there is no room in your life for her (even though you’ve made the effort).  


    Post # 12
    1111 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @AshleyR83:  Well, in that case, I’d cut your losses and just not invite her.  It wouldn’t hurt to send an invitation to her, but if I were you, I’d be so hurt and frustrated with her lack of response (especially after not receiving a “thank you” for participating in her wedding!) that I would develop a, “Screw it, I’m done with you” attitude.  I have a pretty high threshhold for rude behavior and I am not quick to dismiss old friends – but she is being incredibly rude, and at this point, I don’t think she is worth your time or the stamp it will cost to send her an invite.

    Don’t feel like you’ve given up on your friendship.  She did.  How long are you supposed to pursue someone who clearly isn’t interested in being a friend to you?  I say sayonara.  BUT, if it will make YOU feel better to send her an invitation and to know that you did everything you could to include her, definitely send one.  I’m betting she won’t even send back the RSVP.

    Post # 14
    7174 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @AshleyR83:  Thanks for more details.  I’d definitely be the bigger person and send the invite. I’m assuming you care about her, to be putting this much thought into it.  ie:  if she were to respond and make an effort, you’d be happy to pick up the friendship.  Also, this way (by sendning the invite) you put the ball in her court and give her the opportunity to respond.  re: email communication, sometimes (more often than I’d care to admit to myself) I get sloppy with responding to email.  Especially in the smart phone era – I’ll read it, think I responded in my head, when in actually I haven’t.  She could have a lot on her plate and has needed more time to adjust to being married, etc… If the friendship is doomed to die, then let it fade away – but I’d still send an invite.

    Post # 15
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I wrote a similar post about one of my friends, we were very close in college but have since lost most contact. The bee’s told me I should still invite her and leave the decision up to her on whether she wants to come or not. Since I sent her the invitation, we have actually been in more contact than the few years before- so I’m hoping it “rekindled” our friendship. She will be coming to my wedding now and I am very happy

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