Bees – long story (kinda) short, my father is an alcoholic/drug addict/manipulator/bad person in general. I (obviously) decided he wouldn’t be invited to my wedding, no question. Well, his father (my grandfather), was invited. We haven’t had a super close relationship, but not bad by any means. (My grandma would have been invited too, but she has late-stage dementia and couldn’t come). My grandpa RSVP’ed early, and said he would definitely be there. Then, he didn’t show up. No call, email, nothing. So I emailed him and asked why, and he wrote back saying my grandma was doing very poorly and he had to tend to her. He was very polite and said congrats and how happy he was for me. Well, last week, my sister went to lunch with my grandpa. He told her that he was “disgusted” at me for not inviting my father, and that I’m obviously selfish and greedy because the only time I will see my father is during Christmas so I can get a gift. (Really? Like I would subject myself to him for $75.00? I do it because my sister doesn’t want to go alone). He told my sister that I am disloyal to our family and he wouldn’t support that “with a check.” He also said he “knows nothing about my husband,” which my sister responded with “Well, he was at the wedding, so you probably would know him a little better if you would have come to the wedding.”
So, obviously I’m upset that he’s going around saying very rude things about me, and I’m upset that he blatantly lied to me about why he didn’t come to the wedding. I won’t stand for anymore of my family members being rude and cruel toward me, so I want to stand up for myself. I wrote this letter to him – can you bees please read it and tell me if I should send it? Is the tone right? Anything I should add/remove? Thanks!
I was recently informed that you are “disappointed” in me for not inviting MY FATHER’S NAME to my wedding. It’s too bad that you weren’t able to tell me this directly, and that I have had to hear it second-hand. The fact of the matter is, it is absolutely my decision who is invited to my wedding. fATHER’S NAME, in case you weren’t aware, is a very long-term alcoholic/drug addict, and he has struggled with these addictions for years. As far as I know, he will struggle off and on with these addictions for the remainder of his life. However, despite these issues, he has two smart, successful, talented daughters. One of those daughters (as I can’t speak for the other one), has decided that a relationship with her biological father is no longer in her best interest. This decision has come after years of emotional and physical turmoil caused by him, manipulation, lack of support, and many other things. Anyone who has my best interests at heart would agree that cutting off this relationship was the best thing for me. I have gone without many things that I would have had if MY FATHER’S NAME would have been a dedicated parent. My mother supported us alone, and luckily, she did a wonderful job to compensate for MY FATHER’S NAME lacking. You have every right to your opinion, but I have the right (and the duty) to stand up for myself. It’s disappointing that you haven’t made very much effort to be a part of my life, but that was your choice. Now, since you clearly have the opinion that MY FATHER’S NAME has a “right” to a relationship with his daughter, I will respectfully disagree with you. No one has a right to a relationship with anyone; a relationship is earned. MY FATHER’S NAME has not earned a relationship with me, and as far as I can see, he continues not to make an effort to earn this. I would appreciate you keeping your opinions about me to yourself, or sharing them with me, and only me.