(Closed) Should I skip my wife's graduation for my sister's wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 166
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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viczaes : Were you at a UC? I am aware of the financial challenges you’re describing. Still, no one in my field pays tuition, which is where this (dumb) tangent started.

But let’s see if we hear from someone who paid tuition for a PhD in the humanities at an accredited program in the United States.

Post # 167
1400 posts
Bumble bee

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glitterati :  I am not personally in the humanities, but I was a part of the Graduate Student Association while I was at my program and was a part of negotiating pay rates. At the university I was in (large California public university – don’t want to be too specific) the graduate student rates were determined by the department. Those in humanities were often at the lowest pay tier (if they got a TA position). These students were given a tuition waiver, but earned ~11k a year if they TA’d the maximum allowed hours. So technically they did not pay tuition, but they did not get nearly enough to live in the area (27k+ was considered a living wage for this area for a single adult). Many of these students had to take out loans or work additional jobs to survive through graduate school.

The UCSD literature department has this as part of their doctoral handbook
“The Department may offer support in the form of Teaching Assistantships, Readerships, Research Assistantships or Fellowships during the siz years of normative time enrollement. Support depends upon the funds available, the number of positions available, the number of students eligible, and their satisfactory rate of progress in the program”
Meaning, these grad students are not guaranteed a TA or funded position during their time. Most will get it. But not all. And even if they do get it, it won’t be enough to cover all expenses.

Post # 168
1400 posts
Bumble bee

Also, just wanted to add that I can go on my alma mater website and the weekend of commencement events (for all colleges, programs, etc) is set 5 years in advance. I feel like this is the case  for most universities. It might not be in the most obvious location until a few months prior to the event, but if the academic calendar is set the commencement dates are as well.

Post # 169
108 posts
Blushing bee

I just got my PhD. I would want my fiance to go to his sibling’s wedding, no question.

Post # 170
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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npcps :  how are siblings not a VIP when checkihg for a wedding date they are literally immediate family? If my fiance missed my PHD  graduation that i worked hard to accomplish for a siblings wedding I would be pissed. Now if it was feasible to go to both then I would say do that by here it doesn’t look like that’s the case. I feel once you’re engaged/married your SO comes first. I would feel he is making a loud statement by saying not hurting my sister is more important than not hurting my own wife the women I wake up next to everyday and make daily decisions with. And that my accomplishments that i worked very hard to weren’t important by my husband. I would also point out the fact to my husband that the day of graduation is set by the school I have no control over that where his sister could have checked with her brother/SIL about conflicts. Im sure the SIL is aware that her own SIL is about to graduate with a PHD and could have checked..


Post # 171
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

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enlope0298 :  wife’s graduation. I just graduated with my MBA December and sat right behind the PhD graduates. It’s beautiful and such an accomplishment. You should go especially since you stated you missed her other graduation. That’s something you only do and experience once, where on the other hand, marriages could fail. Not saying your sisters marriage won’t last or it isn’t important, but you know sometimes marriage doesn’t just happen once, but a PhD graduate, that’s rare and a once in a lifetime experience. I couldn’t have my boyfriend go to mine because I was still living at home with my parents then and my mom has hated my boyfriend these past 9 years, and she refused to go if he went. So he had to watch online with a live stream of mine. I know how much I wanted him there, so I can only imagine how much she wants you there. 

Post # 172
26 posts
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Kelowna, BC, Canada

Support your wife. Celebrate with your sister at a later date.


Post # 173
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

This thread seems to have been resurrected so I am going to close it now.

The topic ‘Should I skip my wife's graduation for my sister's wedding?’ is closed to new replies.

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