(Closed) Should I skip my wife's graduation for my sister's wedding?

posted 12 months ago in Family
Post # 91
108 posts
Blushing bee

I would go to the wedding. I would not miss a sibling’s wedding. Also, I didn’t check with anyone other than our parents before booking the wedding date. There’s just way too many people to ask and my family would make sure they’re there. I just know they would, like I would for them.

Post # 92
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Since you have to choose, I would go to the hooding ceremony. You need to support your wife first, and it sounds like the ceremony is important to her. Your sister may be bummed, but she’s going to be surrounded by people on her wedding day. She also should have checked with you if she wanted to guarantee your attendance. 

Post # 93
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I think since your sister didn’t ask when she was finishing school and I’m assuming she new a general idea I would skip the wedding and go to your wife’s graduation. 

Post # 94
207 posts
Helper bee

Personally I would go to the wedding. If it were a cousin or friend or anyone other than immediate family I would have chosen the graduation, but a sibling’s wedding definitely outranks a graduation. Plus graduations are beyond boring. I only went to my first and skipped the rest. It’s even worse for the people that go as they get to see you for like 5 seconds when your name is called and then just sit through countless strangers. I wouldn’t ask anybody to come to one tbh. 

Plus the petty part of me would want to call her bluff on using the best friend as emotional leverage….

Post # 95
311 posts
Helper bee

OP’s wife has already made clear SHE values her graduation ceremony and wishes her husband to be there.

Good to know so many PPs don’t value the ceremony, but it’s a personal opinion, and the wife is the only person who gets to say if *her own* graduation is important. It doesn’t matter if 25 PPs skipped their own ceremony, OP’s wife clearly has a different opinion.

Post # 96
290 posts
Helper bee

As a PhD student, I can’t imagine anyone going to my graduation in lieu of a sibling’s wedding. There is no question in my mind.

Post # 97
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I’d  choose sisters wedding without even thinking. I’m sure even my SO would choose my sister’s wedding as he willingly didn’t attend to his bachelors degree graduation. It’s not like you don’t graduate if you don’t attend to graduation. Haha


Post # 98
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

When planning a wedding you’ll never be able to find a date that works for everyone.   That’s usually why most people figure out who their VIPS are and pick a date that works for them.  As you can see from some responses on here, some people don’t do that and work under the assumption that everyone important to them will do whatever it takes to be at their wedding.  Your sister seemed to have operated under this assumption and unfortunately it looks as if you can’t attend.  Go to your wife’s graduation.   It’s important to her and she had no say on the date.  Your sister had control of her wedding date and picked one that doesn’t work for you. 

Post # 99
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

All the details with your wife’s old friend doesn’t change my stance. Not even if your sister is your TWIN is her wedding more important than anything having to do with your wife. I’m surprised how many bees would pick the wedding – it’s a total no-brainer to me that spouses come first no matter what.

However, if your wife is manipulating you to attend by dangling her friend in your face, well, yes, that is a problem and you should figure that crap out. But that doesn’t change the fact that your wife should be and always should be one bazillion trillion times more important than your sister. 

Post # 100
21 posts

I’m pretty surprised by all these responses. Completing a degree, especially a PhD, is such a huge accomplishment. Getting married is . . . not. That’s just my opinion, and it looks like plenty of folks think the opposite — but your wife’s opinion on graduations is really the only one that matters here.  

Congrats to your wife on all her hard work for the past several years — I hope you get to attend and show your support. It’s really a celebration of you as a couple as well, assuming you’ve been cheering her on and helping her along the way. 

Post # 101
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

OP, you’ve already stated that you haven’t been the best spouse in the past. Why make additional decisions that would suggest that you still aren’t a good partner? You married your wife…she comes first. Her hooding ceremony is very important to her so it should be of the utmost importance to you. Any further discussion or hesitation would make me question your loyalty and support if I were your wife. That would be a huge problem…but that’s just me and my opinion.

Post # 102
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I literally don’t even understand the question. Of course you should support your wife above all others. Isn’t that what you vowed? Now knowing that it’s very important to her AND that you’ve treated her “bad” in the past, I can’t see why you wouldn’t want to be at your wife’s side with bells on. Add to all that the fact that she apparently became estranged with her family in order to marry you, it would obviously be a slap in the face to her if you prioritize your family of origin over her. And then the best friend jazz…yikes. There’s a man in her life who would support her implicitly. This man makes you insecure (rightly so, given that he’s more willing to prioritize your wife than YOU are). Why wouldn’t you be doing all you can to prove that you can be all she needs and you’re the only one for her?

Post # 103
3892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Normally I would say go to your sister’s wedding, but given the additional details, I would go to your wife’s PhD ceremony.  I went to each of my ceremonies (including law school) and they were all important to me, but I would personally have skipped mine to go to a siblings wedding.  Since your wife has expressed that it is important to her and your sister didn’t check dates with her VIPs, I would go support your wife.  

Post # 104
103 posts
Blushing bee

How close are you to your sister?

For me the wedding would be a no brainer.  I graduated from college with a Bachelors and two separate Master degrees and never cared to walk or participate in any graduation ceremony.  If it means the world to your wife, then go to the graduation.

Post # 105
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

This is very important to your wife. I understand both your wife and your sister are important to you, but I’d personally prioritize the wife and go to her graduation. From what you’ve written, it really seems like she’d like you there. 

OP, have you spoken to your sister about the very real possibility of not being able to attend her wedding? How did she react? 

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