You two have no business getting married.
You’re both young and inexperienced with dating, haven’t been together all that long- got engaged after a little over a year and have been constantly fighting ever since. You two are rushing marriage due to your religion so you can live together and you are having power struggles and calling off the engagement left and right.
You need to break up and grow up individually.
Nothing you’ve written about this relationship sounds like it would stand a chance at marriage. You two can’t even get along with wedding planning- how in the hell are you possibly going to handle REAL problems as a team?
And he thinks he knows better than you what YOU want? Fuck that.
You keep talking about your comfort level when you’re pregnant- idk what that has to do with anything. What happens when you actually HAVE the child? Have you not thought about what will happen if you’re not comfortable putting your child in a certain situation and your SO disagrees? He will probably tell you he knows what you want better and he knows best and do what he wants with the child.
When you’re pregnant you have full control of your baby that you’re carrying. Once you birth the child, you can tell him you’re uncomfortable with something all you want but he can take the child and not listen to you.
What if you want the child to do virtual learning and he wants them to go in-person? (obviously this would be years from now but is just an example using the pandemic). What if he wants to pull your child from the school they’re in and put them in a school that is doing 100% in-person classes? Then what?
These situations happen with couples with children all the time, even if they break up. Pregnancy is just the beginning of it.
For example, a dad bringing a different girlfriend around the child every week, despite the mom not being ok with it. Even if you don’t split up your SO is most likely going to continue being exactly how he is now. So if he doesn’t respect your boundaries and comfort levels with the pandemic now, you can forget about him respecting your wishes for your child or being willing to compromise. This isn’t just about YOU. You need to think about how this would affect a future child’s life, not just yours.
Then there’s this:
“As I pressed him on it, he revealed that he wasn’t sure if he should marry me because I don’t handle stress well enough and he was trying to buy himself time.”
This is all you need to know to end the relationship.
And even worse! “He said that he wanted to see me work on my issues (that I fight with him over wedding and pandemic stress) and make progress before he committed to marrying me.”
So he takes zero accountability for his part in all this and demands that you do all the work in the relationship?
1) his reasons for delaying marriage- blaming you and saying you don’t handle stress well- are 100% horse shit
2) there are many legitimate reasons you two should not ever get married but he didn’t cite a single one of them!
3) he initially refused to go to counseling. He sees it as a failure to attend therapy.
4) he has gaslit you multiple times and in multiple ways- essentially telling you he knows what kind of wedding you want better than you do, and telling you that YOU don’t handle stress well and YOU need to make all the changes while he sits back and judges you from his throne
Please don’t even try to defend him on that one because you saying you aren’t sure or were making assumptions about his thoughts just shows how poor your communication is.
This relationship sounds like your typical first relationship- a good stepping stone full of lessons from tons of mistakes you made. Not a relationship that is ready for marriage
This relationship is not meant to make it to marriage.
It should NEVER be this hard.