Post # 1
My fiancé and I have been together for close to three years and I have a five year old that is not his. The first two years were great we have the same sense of humor so every time we are together we are always laughing. He is amazing with my son, his dad isn’t really in his life so my fiancé has really taken him under wing. About a year ago he got a job offer in San Diego (we were living in Sacramento at the time). I was against moving down there but I didn’t want to lose him so I left my whole life (job, friends, family etc.) and moved with him. We got an apartment and it was our first time living together. I had a really hard time with the move, (no job, friends, family, and car) but we made things work. We were struggling financially and he suggested that we move in with his parents until we got on our feet. (They live in San Diego and they have a six bedroom house) I have always been an independent person and I didn’t really like the idea of moving into his parents’ house but we kind of had no choice.
My fiancé and I have talked about marriage and having kids but he made it clear that he didn’t want any of that now. Which at the time I completely understood because we are young and not stable enough to take any of those BIG steps. So you know my surprise when out of the blue he popped the question to me. Shortly after we got engaged he would put me down, mock me, and roll his eyes whenever I brought up anything wedding. In my heart I knew he didn’t think the engagement through all the way. Also to find out he is a huge momma’s boy and had a mom who is very invasive to our relationship. (Anyways in our business, talks to his mom 4 days a week for 3 1/2 hrs. at a time, needy of his attention, he doesn’t stand up for me) His mom and I got into a really bad and big argument about I don’t even remember what. But now that I think about it, she was just having a hard time letting him go to another woman. She ended up writing this horrible letter about me saying I’m a bad mom, I’m not good enough for him, and I’m abusive and other really hurtful thing. Shortly after he read the letter he called off the engagement!
Now he doesn’t want to marry me at all. I’ve been having a hard time with it and trying to act like everything is okay but it’s not. I don’t understand how someone goes from wanting to spend the rest of his life with me to not wanting anything to do with the thought of it. He says he doesn’t want to lose me but only considers me his girlfriend again. I know he wasn’t ready for that next step and we are young but I don’t know if I should stick it out or not? I guess after all this has anyone has been in this situation? Has it worked out? Or am I an idiot for staying with this guy? No one I know has been in my situation before to give me relevant opinions and advice?
Post # 3
you really can not go backwards, you have to move forward!! So it sounds like its time to move on! Are you really going to be happy going from fiance, soon to be wife with soon to be husband to oh im your girlfriend?? you will alwasy be wondering if he will change his mind and you will always be waiting
I am so sorry 🙁 this is so so hard, you have to put yourself first and do whats best for you!
Post # 4
Regardless of the step back from engagement, someone who Puts you down, wont stand up for you and doesn’t think of you as a team making mutually beneficial decisions needs to go.
Post # 5
First off I feel for you hon, that is beyond tough.
I couldn’t imagine going “backwards” when we are geared in life to look “forwards”
So I agree with what @Future Mrs K: said. Probably time to move on… it’ll be hard but you can do it.
Trust me, someday (WHEN anyone knows ?) he’ll grow up and figure out that he made a HUGE mistake letting his Momma run his life as a man. But by then it’ll be too late… you’ll be happily in love enjoying your life with a man who has never taken you for granted from the first moment he meets you.
Let it go, Mr Right is out there somewhere, right now looking for an amazing girl like you
AND he won’t be living at his Mom’s house… or expecting you to move in there (rolls eyes), or having her stick her nose in all your business, put you down etc
It is tough to start over (( HUGS )) but so worth it when you finally find THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.
Post # 6
I voted maybe, but I meant no. I clicked the wrong option. I think you are best need some time apart. It sounds like it’s getting pretty destructive. I definitely think you need to be on your own for a bit. Maybe he grows up, maybe he doesn’t. I would spend time trying to find out.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t be able to, so no.
Post # 8
@CaliHoya: “I voted maybe, but I meant no. I clicked the wrong option. I think you are best need some time apart. It sounds like it’s getting pretty destructive. I definitely think you need to be on your own for a bit. Maybe he grows up, maybe he doesn’t. I would spend time trying to find out.”
+1. I read the poll before the post, and I voted maybe, but in this case, I would change my vote to no. You deserve to have a partner who puts you and your relationship before the opinions of his mother. He sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I wouldn’t stick around to see how long that will take. 🙁
Post # 9
I am going with “no” for the same reasons @SapphireSun provided. I think it is possible for a couple to decide to put an engagement on hold, and stay together, and have a healthy future. But he ended it because his MOM told him too, and he won’t stand together with you as a team. Geez. Unless the guy is anything under 18 (and I say this despite not being exactly “for” young marriages) then his mom has no say in it. That he lets her make his decisions for him and “runs his life” is a big, big motivator for me to say it is time to move on, sweetie.
Post # 10
Thankyou for all your input. In my heart I know I need to move on. I just wanted to confirm that I am not crazy. He has made me feel bad for having a hard time with the engagement getting called off. We went to counseling and she agreed with him for breaking up the engagement and said that there was nothing wrong with his relationship with his mom.I literally have been thinking I’m crazy for having a problem with this. I just dont know how I am going to get the courage and strength to leave him. Ive never been in this situation before you know?
Post # 11
He would be kicking rocks
Post # 12
I think you need to go. At this point, even if you are in love you are at least treading water, if not moving backward. This doesn’t seem like it is going to change. If eventually you want to be married, it is not going to happen with this guy and he is wasting your time. Sorry this happened.
Post # 13
When I read just the poll question, my first instinct was “maybe,” but after reading your whole story, I’m sorry, I’d have to say no.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Post # 14
Inever like to say things like “call it off”, but after hearing your story, I think it’s time to move o. I’d be afraid of how he would continue to treat you, and possibly even your child.
Post # 15
Nope. Who wants to be in a relationship with him and his mom? I think you need to keep it moving, forward that is 🙂 Good luck to you. Sorry for all of the pain this is causing you.
Post # 16
My cousin actually went through almost this exact situation several years ago. She was young also, 20 or 21. Her fiance at the time turned out to be a HUGE Mama’s Boy. His Mom was a single parent, he was an only child, and she got very jealous that she was about to lose her son to another woman. They were within a month or two of the wedding when the Mom finally convinced her son that he should postpone the wedding. They pushed back the date by a few months (he used stress at work as his excuse), then finally they called it off all together. My cousin decided that if he no longer wanted to be engaged then they shouldn’t be together at all.
Today she is very happily married to an absolutely wonderful man and she has two adorable sons. I think she would have been miserable had she stayed with her jerk of a first fiance and his overbaring manipulative mother! The break up was very hard for her (my whole family actually) at the time, but now I think she knows it’s the best thing that could have happened.
All this being said, I think you are definitely better off without him. Best of luck in the future!