Should I stay or go.

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

That’s hard, sorry you’re going through this. Did he say why he searched for escorts?! Saying “I don’t know why” is not enough reason. How old are you both? That’s such an odd thing to look for unless he knows someone or is looking for one. I would push to get it out of him if he has been cheating on you during the last four years. Trust is the main building block of a relationship and I’d suggest to look hard at what you want your life to be like. Don’t be caught up on the fact that people are involved and deposits are paid. I got married young and wanted to call it off but thought exactly like this- wish I would’ve done it instead of getting divorced. What does your heart of hearts tell you? 

Post # 3
Member
5291 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@anon10:  Your post reminded me of psychology class in college. So my comment has more to do with your question of why he would search for escorts when you have a very active sex life. I remember my professor mentioned in her lecture that the mere act of paying someone for sexual favors turns certain people on. Which inevitably gives them sexual gratification (not that it makes it right for your situation). 

Post # 4
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Colorado

View original reply
@anon10:  You said you still love him but don’t know if you’ll be able to trust him again and that’s the part that makes me worry. I think this is something you could work through (probably better with couples therapy) but if you think the trust is gone, why would you want to move forward with the marriage at all? Everyone makes really stupid mistakes in relationships and this one is bad but not something you can’t come back from. I suggest counseling first! 

Post # 5
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

To me, this all comes down to intent. What was his intent? Was he googling with the intent of hiring one and cheating on you? Or was he just curious?

I could google escort services in my area right now because I am genuinely curious about escorts and what they make and how that works. But I have no desire to use one. If H googled escorts, I might ask about it since it’s an odd thing to google but I am 100% confident he would never cheat on me or use an escort so my trust in him would remain the same.

Having been cheated on, I don’t agree that google searching escorts is the same as having your partner cheat on you but to each their own.

Post # 7
Member
7791 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

For me marriage requires trust. How quickly can you get into couples’ counseling? Given the current state of the world is it possible for you to postpone your wedding while you work through this? 

Post # 10
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

I would tell him how this made you feel ( just like you did in this message)  and ask him to explain himself. Then it wouldn’t be a bad idea to seek therapy. Just in general before a wedding. My husband and I did it and we have been together 9 years. I’m trying to think of how I would feel if my husband did that. I would probably think it was weird but it wouldn’t break my trust with him. Is something else going under thats an underlying feeling that has evolved into this?  I would seek those answers. 

Post # 11
Member
6141 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
@anon10:  how did you find out he googled escorts? Was it on his cellphone or laptop/computer? Did it just pop up? Are they local? Have you checked his phone to see if he called any? Is there any way you could check his cellphone records on who he called? I’d make him show me his phone records for the last year. 

Post # 12
Member
6141 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
@elodie2019:  you can never be 100% sure someone won’t cheat. You can be with the most amazing person in the world but even then people do things that even they cannot explain. 

Post # 13
Member
386 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@anon10:  Not addressing the escort thing but more of the age gap. If you’re 22 and he’s 29, that means you started dating at 18 and 25. While I’m not normally one to mind age gaps, that one is a bit troubling. You we’re just a child when you started dating, and he was a grown man. You don’t know anything else, so I’m going to say that the age gap combined with the escort thing is a personal red flag (but that’s just me). I would be concerned that a. he was looking at young escorts like 18/19 because he likes teenaged women b. you haven’t had much life experience and are afraid to leave him and/or c. that this will happen again. Ultimately it’s your decision, but I just have an underlying suscpision that there’s something more there..

Post # 15
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@anon10:  OP, you are so young. Your fiance is experienced and should know at nearly 30 years of age that Google searching for escorts is not appropriate for a monogamous relationship. This makes me concerned. Especially because there is so much more to life you haven’t experienced yet. I would hold off on the wedding even if this incident never happened. With this being put on top of it, I would call things off. Sorry OP.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors