Post # 1
My boyfriend and future fiancee/husband is in the Coast Guard and his current duty station is up in July 2014, which means that he has to be moved and all settled into his new duty station by July 1,2014. Tomorrow will be our one year anniversary [of dating] exactly! He will find out by Spring 2014 if he gets to stay in his current location, the Washington, DC area which I hope he does or if he has to move. Early this month he gave me a promise ring (with diamonds in it AND I WEAR IT ON MY LEFT RING FINGER) as a symbol that whatever challenges the Coast Guard presents us, we will face them together.
If we find out [by Spring 2014] that he has to move then we will get engaged and elope so I can get all of the military benefits. My question is: Do I tell my family (immediate only?) or not? Fly my family down as my witness or just have a few of his already married coastie friends and their wives (who I have gotten to know well) serve as the witnesses and once we are moved to the next duty station, set an “official” wedding date and plan the big celebration(knowing that I am already legally married)? Or do I just stay engaged to him and do a long distance relationship????
Post # 3
My family would have been DESTROYED if they couldn’t see me get married! So I’d say either bring them or don’t tell them… Ever.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
@BrandNewBride: +1 except that I wouldn’t count on them never finding out. I wanted to elope so bad but I knew it would crush my family, who I don’t get to see often anyway. I think you should tell them and at least give them the option of coming. It may be possible, but I know in my family that sometime in the next 40 years it would come out that we were married before. Are you going to celebrate 2 anniversaries every year? One for your real wedding day and one for the day your family thinks you got married? IMO it’s more trouble than it’s worth.
Post # 5
I’ve seen SO many military relationships fall apart after marriage, because so many people get married super fast in order to get spousal benefits.
I had a best friend who made it just over 2 years with her hubby before separating and shortly thereafter divorcing, a boss who was married 6 years to her ex because they got married young & fast due to military benefits, another boss who did something like 10 or 12 years with her ex husband (who was abusive apparently!) and stuck it out (somewhat for the benefits but they also had a kid & wanted to work on it for the kid), I have a customer at my job currently going through divorce after 7 yrs but he’s only been home from deployment for about 1 1/2. I know many many probably make it through but my only advice here is get married because you WANT to, 100%, you’re certain, you’re more than just in love/lust/honeymoon phase. KNOW, don’t just do it for the benefits.
Post # 6
@futurecoastiewife: You should just get engaged and wait to have a wedding that your family and freinds and attend. If you really love each other, a long engagement shouldn’t matter. I also wouldn’t factor military benifits into a reason to get married. You should get married because you love each other and want to deepen your committment by spending your life together – not for benefits.
Post # 7
@futurecoastiewife: If you are going to elope, do it for the right reasons. Don’t just get married for the benefits. If you do elope, don’t keep it a secret so you can have an ‘official wedding’. Your official wedding is when you married your husband.
Post # 8
I’ve worked with multiple brides whose husbands were in the military. They eloped (you can always tell immediate family) and then actually got “married” when the husband came home from their tour. So thats something to keep in mind too…it doesn’t seem uncommon for military families to do that so that they can be together, but then still have the wedding they always wanted.