(Closed) should I stay or should I go?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 77
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee

sarawarren:  By the sounds of it you guys are not ready to get married, some people can be together a long time but doesn’t mean they are ready for that step. 

To be straight, you cheated and there’s no going around that and there’s not really any excuse that can be used for it. If the situation was reversed would you find these excuses acceptable if he did what you did? I get that you don’t feel like the priority but it sounds like you are using it to cover what you did, to justify it. 

You need to quickly decide what you want to do here because you can’t have it both ways. You say you love him and don’t want to break up, then you have to give the new guy his walking papers. The other guy most likely does seem great, grass is looking greener on the other side and its someone different to what you know. But keep in mind that excitement will die out over time and is he what you want for a relationship. 

Also, there is a lot of talk on your decision. But at the end of the day, what about his? You may want to stay with him but will he want to stay with you after this? It’s not a good idea to not tell him, things like this have a habit of coming out and if it gets found out this way… It will be 1000x worse. If I found out quite a way down the line I would leave because that trust would be worse than ever. 

If he isn’t making you happy you really need to think, is he right for you? Your obviously not happy because of this. Is it something that can be fixed? 

Post # 78
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

sarawarren: You are posting on the internet sunshine, and about snogging a minor local sports star while your fiancé is away working. You can’t really complain to racr335: about getting some very negative feedback. Actually I think you’ve got off lightly, if you’d posted about your devastation at learning that your fiancé had gone on a date and kissed some model or local news presenter while you were working hard in another town and was justifying it by saying you were too occupied to give him enough attention, he’d be getting flayed alive.

But yes, of course you need to break up with him, and I agree with you that he deserves to know the truth, I don’t understand other Bees saying that would be cruel. Far better for him to think he dodged a bullet on marrying a cheater than believe that if he’d been a better boyfriend, he wouldn’t have lost a pearl beyond price.

Unless starfucking is more important to you than self respect, I’d also inform the baseball player that you won’t be seeing or contacting him again. He is not a nice man for pursuing someone he knows is engaged for sexual kicks, and that is all his initial contact can mean since you didnt know each other. This is what gets me about your behaviour, you didn’t know this man, it’s not like you started to feel attracted to someone you were friends or colleagues with, and it grew from there. He saw your photo online and thought you were fit and sent you one of his fishing messages, and you thought: “Ooh how flattering! A pro-sportsman I dont even know fancies me. Can’t turn this one down!”. It’s spectacularly shallow. 

Maybe your fiancé is at fault for neglecting your relationship, but I don’t see that as causing or justifying your behaviour here. I think you are in a bit of a bubble, loving parents, not many challenges to date, haven’t been in major trouble, so you must be nice right? Well nice is as nice does. 

 

 

 

Post # 79
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

sarawarren:  have you been honest about your cheating yet as he may be all set with YOU and the worry over to marry or not will be eleviated. If not, then that’s no way to start a marriage anyways…..it’ll be doomed if not already.

Poor choice to cheat before ending it if the worst that happened was he was a bit too wrapped up in work…that’s real life stuff and perhaps you’re not ready for marriage yet.

 

Post # 80
Member
480 posts
Helper bee

sarawarren:  The fact that the new guy texted you and asked about your fiance is a HUGE red flag. This guy is a player and he sees you as his (maybe one of many) conquest(s). Also, his knowing that his actions had potential for hurting another person shows a lack of conscience. He has no empathy.

Enough people have attacked your character & integrity here, so I’m not even going to go there. It is not how I generally help people solve their problems, anyway. Whatever you and your fiance choose to do with your relationship, know that this other guy is dangerous. However things work out, you would be wise to stay away from him.

Post # 81
Member
6845 posts
Busy Beekeeper

sarawarren:  I haven’t read all seven pages–but–you are engaged to one man and dating another. That’s cheating. Let your Fiance go and figure out your life. 

Post # 84
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Glad you are mourning the end of a 6 year relationship with your fiancé/’best friend’ by going out on a date with the guy you were cheating with.

Congrats, you sound like SUCH a catch. 

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