(Closed) Should I stay or should I go?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 107
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@thisbeeisbroken:  It is better that you know now instead of after you married him. Lying breaks trust and makes it so hard to repair a relationship. You were willing to give him another chance, and he blew it again. *Maybe* it was just chatting/fantasy and he never had any intention of acting on it…But it doesn’t sound that way to me.

I am so outraged for you that he was keeping this secret and contemplating cheating on you. You can’t enter into a marriage with thoughts of divorce! It sounds like this woman will be an ongoing problem that he does not want to remove from his life. Everyone gets attracted to other people, but most of us know better than to put ourselves in these situations.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. Everybody deserves to be treated with more respect than he is showing you.

Post # 108
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am so, so happy to see that you’ve left. Please do not answer if he calls/texts. You HAVE to make a clean break. It’ll hurt so, so bad, but you will move on. If you get involved in continued conversation over this matter, the pain will just drag on forever, and you will make things even harder for yourself. 

Please remember to look out for YOURSELF right now. Don’t give in to feelings of guilt. You don’t owe him ANYTHING. You need to cut off contact and let yourself heal, even if it makes things harder or more difficult for him. Anything you give to him at this point (time, energy, love, conversation) takes away from you and your need to move on with your life. 

You are going to have an AMAZING life. As hard as everything is now, it’ll be much, much easier than a divorce, and someday all this pain will just be a memory. You will build a happier life, and you’ll find someone who will love and respect you (and your relationship). You deserve so much more. 

Please know that the bee will be happy to offer support and encouragement. Please keep us updated!

Post # 109
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You’ve been given wonderful advice!  I just wanted to say I’m sending you a lot of love and prayers!!

Post # 110
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
@thisbeeisbroken:  My SO of nearly 5 years cheated on me twice early on in our relationship, the first incident resulting in my SS. We spent years nurturing and rebuilding our relationship. It took a ton of work on both of our parts but he was committed to being the partner I wanted and deserved. We’ve changed together and now have a truly wonderful relationship built on trust, love and understanding. that said, getting to this point was absolute hell. I was walking around broken for years. I’ve never felt such acute pain in my life nor have I felt such anger. Your ex Fiance is not ready nor willing to commit to rebuilding what was lost and if you go down this painful road of trying to heal together, there is no garantee that there will be a happy light at the end of the tunnel. it can only work if both parties are 150% in. I’m so so so sorry you are hurting and I’m so sorry he’s done this to you but he is not going  to give you all of him. He has not given you enough to warrant you spending years trying to rebuild from this. You have made the right choice and once this pain subsides, you will look at this horrible time as the best thing that ever happened to you. I’ll be thinking about you and sending you lots of love.

Post # 111
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

OP, so proud of you for having the courage to stick to your convictions.

You gave him a chance and he blew it.  I commend you. I know its going to be painful, but take solace in the fact that you didnt marry him and purchase a house, then divorce and lose the house and so much more.


Post # 112
679 posts
Busy bee

OP, so sorry that you are going through this. I believe that some higher power intervenes to help guide us in situations like yours. The conversation was painful for me, an internet stranger, to read, so I can’t even imagine how it must have been for you. Take care of yourself. I hope you have found comfort in your friends and family. Lean on them for strength as you go through this difficult time.

Post # 113
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

OP – I just want to add my support, and hope you’re okay! I didn’t comment when I first read the thread, but I’ve been thinking about it since then!

You deserve all the good things in the world.

Post # 114
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d be out of their like a ghost int he night. Pawn the ring, pack your shit, and go. He’ll figure out exactly what happened if you leave the laptop up, and he won’t get the closure form the two of you walking it out.




I’ll probably edit this after I read the other posts in this thread..

EDIT: That works too. Way to go.

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