(Closed) Should I stay or should I go? Help!!

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Should I leave him?
    Yes get out of there! : (204 votes)
    95 %
    Yes, if you don't see a chance of him changing. : (6 votes)
    3 %
    Maybe, if things don't change soon. : (3 votes)
    1 %
    No, you should never break up a child's home, : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Leave him.

     

    He sounds like he’s got some very irresponsible and disrespectful tendencies… Is this the sort of man you want you and your daughter to be around for the rest of your lives?

     

    So sorry you’re in this situation! 🙁

    Post # 4
    Member
    683 posts
    Busy bee

    Um. Leave him. Then get some therapy so this answer is obvious and easier for you to come to terms with. Best wishes.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3575 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    You need to seriously go!  He’s threatening you and running you out of the house.  This is no way to live or to raise your daughter.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3166 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    i’m calling troll, this is obviously a gtfo situation.

    Post # 7
    Member
    571 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    You say he gets “ridiculously angry with you”, you fight all the time, and that he “ran you out of the house”.  All of these things seem scary and unhealthy.  There is a huge difference between feeling jealous, which happens to everyone from time to time, and acting on that jealousy in violent and angry ways.

     

    I would say that this behavior needs to stop for the safety of your and your daughter.  Whether that takes the form of couples counseling, anger management classes for him, or you getting out of this situation, something needs to change.

    Post # 8
    Member
    266 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You don’t deserve to be treated like that, and he doesn’t deserve someone like you. I hate it when marriages don’t work out, whatever the reason. But someone who makes threats like that, and acts so harshly, may quite possibly snap at some point. Get out before you and your daughter actually get seriously hurt. It’s better to have made a mistake in love, and then moved on, then to have made the mistake to keep staying with someone who ends up beating the crap out of you, and not left earlier.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Leave immediately.

    He has physically threatened you and is emotionally abusive. This is not the environment you want to raise your daughter in and right now, she is your #1 priority. You need to do what is best for both of you.

    Do you have family close by? Go to them or a friend’s place or a local woman’s shelter.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1553 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @elliestan:  I’m wondering too.  I find it hard to believe anyone would wonder if they should leave someone who physically threatens them.

    If this is a serious question, yes you should go.   A man does not threaten to punch the woman he loves in the face or to beat her hass.  Honestly, a real man doesn’t threaten any woman that way.  My advice is to distance yourself from him now BEFORE he follows through on his threats, not after. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Do you have someone in your life with whom you could stay for a few days to think about your options? 

    The way you describe your marriage sounds scary, and I don’t think it’s a healthy environment for you or your daughter.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1331 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    He’s threatening to punch you and beat your ass?  Do you really want to stick around for these threats to become reality? 

    Going from what you’ve just said alone, it’s very easy for me to say RUN AWAY!  But I’ve been in an abusive relationship where I thought he’d change, I thought our “love” would fix all our problems.  It took years for me to realize what I was accepting as a normal life was actually Hell on Earth, and I still feel guilty for subjecting my kids to that abuse. 

    Don’t be scared to leave him because you think life will be harder for you; it will get better I promise.  Be strong, and follow through with the choice that I think you’ve already made deep down in your heart.  I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers, but please be careful!

    Post # 13
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @elliestan:  Thank you for demonstrating why lots of women wind up staying in ridiculous situations.  Because people don’t believe them when they finally talk about what’s going on.

    Domestic violence is  a complex issue and there are any number of factors that can make leaving violence seem acceptable to a woman who is being verbally, emotionally or physically abused. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2010 - Family Ranch outside Glenrock, WY

    This sounds like an extremely volatile environment to be raising a child in.  It’s not just about you anymore.  What if he decides to “follow through” with his threats?  What if he HITS YOUR CHILD? 

    He sounds very irresponsible (I lost track of the number of kids he has…) and disrepesctful (any man who can even threaten to harm a woman is a LOSER in my book).

    You, and your child, deserve much better.  Help yourself and get away from this guys. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3166 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @teaadntoast: oh please, yes – blame me for domestic violence. that’s a great solution. you’re welcome. i wasn’t saying it to be insensitive, because i have been in abusive relationships. if anything, i’m not convinced that this is a real situation so i find the OP insensitive to real victims like me. the way this situation is laid out (and especially to be a first post with no follow up messages) it’s hard for me to believe it’s anything more than someone trying to blow up the Bee. why would someone go to a site and create an account for the purpose of a single post that only indicates a bunch of EXTREMELY abusive activities that she acknowledges are abusive and terrible and gives basically no reason to stay and then leave it at that? when i was in an abusive relationship i made excuses. i said “yes he does xx, but he’s so yy”. that’s the way your mind works when you’re in an abusive relationship. there’s none of that in this, it’s “he wants to beat my ass, should i stay?” since getting out of those kinds of relationships i have worked with many girls still in them and their situations have never been described this way. there’s a single post describing a grade-A a-hole and then openning it up for us to all say the same exact thing because there would be no reason for this girl to stay. maybe she’s a 1% exception to the rule, but chances are – she’s not. it’s not like this place is immune to trolls.

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