(Closed) should I stay or should I go now???? HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

if it were me I don’t think I could trust him.  Even if he never cheated on you, he’s repeatedly been deceptive, and everytime you ask him to stop he says he will and then he doesn’t.  If you are marrying someone you’re supposed to be partners and teammates, and he’s not really putting you and your relationship together first, from what you’re saying.  I’m sorry, that’s really tough 🙁

Post # 4
4305 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Go now??  You should have gone a long time ago!!!  PEACE OUT SPRINGER SHOW! Him and his ex deserve each other… I feel bad for you, I do, but man you will feel SO MUCH better without this douche canoe.

Post # 5
27 posts

As tough as it is, I say leave him. They obviously have a strong bond that he is not willing to let go of for you. These types of things lead to cheating…

Post # 6
27 posts

As tough as it is, I say leave him. They obviously have a strong bond that he is not willing to let go of for you. These types of things lead to cheating…

Post # 7
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like he and his ex are the drama king and queen of the prom.  You go on and heal and when you’re ready you’ll find the man that you and your daughter need in your lives.   🙂

Post # 8
37 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry this is happening. The sad truth is that you will probabily never be able to get rid of his ex. She is obviously not going to back down and will do what ever it takes to stay close to him. I personally would not be able to live in a relationship when I knew someone was activly trying to ruin it. I would be paranoid all of the time and have a hard time trusting my SO. Especially since he lied to you about their contact. I can’t tell you to leave or to go. In the end it is up to you. Unfortunately since you have a daughter, you have to put your feelings aside and think about what is best for her.

Post # 9
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room

Regardless of him having a physical affair or not… he had an emotional affair throughout the entirety of your relationship. He may not have stopped the communication now, he may just have gotten better at hiding it.

Post # 10
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh I’m so sorry, I went through something so similar with my fiance. Was dropping him off with the girl, I’d call him to see if he wanted to hang out and he’d say “Nah I’m with so and so and we’re hanging out in my room smoking and are going to go play pool later” (he smoked marijuanna but not his roommate so they had to smoke in his room) I was fine with it because according to him this girl was a full blown lesbian. Full fledge so I was alright with it and he said she and him went through a lot when they were room mates. Well come to find out she wasn’t always a “full fledge lesbian” and my fiance had told a mutual friend of ours that he’d been sexual with her a few times. Turns out it was only once and it didn’t go anywhere, a certain someone was a bit too rough with teeth lol but none the less I was p’d off being lied to.

I told my fiance (boyfriend at the time) it was over if he didn’t stop contact right then. I didn’t appreciate being lied to about that. We’d been dating about a month and a half at this point. He cut off communication and hasn’t talked to her since and if he went back even once I’d be out the door. I do NOT tolerate being lied to and he knows this.

I think your fiance kept going back because he didn’t think you would really leave. If you believe he is sincere I say take him back BUT definately have him change his number. Even email address and block her from facebook if those are issues. She obviously can’t let go and he needs to push her out of the picture. And he needs to stand up to you and stop that contact right now and if he can’t, he needs to find someone else because you are too good for that.

I wouldn’t suggest checking his phone every five minutes or anything but him getting a new phone number and new online accounts would be a good place to start to keep this chick from harrassing y’all. You might want to consider doing the same if she’s calling and texting you

Post # 11
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hate to say it but honey, you’ve already been played for a fool, how many times now… 3? 

Do I walk away and wait for someone who values honesty and integrity the way I do?

This shouldn’t even be a question, should you look for someone who values honesty and integrity? Of course you should, they are essential for a successful relationship, it also has nothing to do with whether you can trust her or not and everything to do with whether you trust him. When people say “I trust you but not that person” as an excuse to be jealous etc, it’s a cop out. The only person that it matters if you trust is the person you are with. Regardless of if you trust someone else, if your guy is truly trustworthy and respects you and your relationship, it does not matter if someone else is.

At the same time, I understand you wanting to go back. I don’ treally know the answer but I certainly would not move back in yet or take it to fast. You have a daughter to think about, and yourself and he really needs to prove himself. This relationship he has with her is completely inappropriate. The lie is only part of the issue. The late night conversations, the emotional attachment, all inappropriate. 

Good luck hon!

Post # 12
1003 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of this 🙁 I think you made the right decision by moving out.  I know you said you think he’s being sincere now, but we often start seeing something in a new and positive light when it is about to end, even if it was completely miserable.

Stay strong.  While relationships are work, some things shouldn’t be *that* hard.  You’re right.  He shouldn’t have lied from the start and he definitely should not have continued talking to her when you voiced how uncomfortable it made you.  

Post # 13
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

This seriously sucks. I’d hit the road for good. There is someone out there who will treat you like you deserve! 🙂

Post # 14
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Your problem isn’t with her, it’s with him not being willing to let go.

You’re better off without him. 

Post # 15
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Lying is not a good foundation for a relationship.

You’ve already explained to him what, now, three times(?) that this is hurting you and damaging your trust in him.

Be clear: when you marry someone, that is the person who is supposed to have your back, to be your rock when you need it, and able to rely on the same from you. Total honesty is a necessity if things are going to work.

From what you’ve said here, you may love this guy, but he doesn’t have any honesty.

Kick him to the curb like yesterday’s garbage. You deserve better.

Post # 16
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

How could you stay, knowing that you would never be able to trust him? And who knows if he didn’t cheat on you physically? 

Please leave! For your daughter’s sake.

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