Should I support ex through depression as a friend?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9472 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No.

Not healthy for you and he needs to manage his depression on his own and with professional support. I assume he has friends and family so no reason he needs you too.

Post # 3
Member
7525 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This story sounds really familiar to the point that I’m wondering if you’re back with a new username after getting the same advice over and over on your previous threads about this guy.

Either way, no, you should not continue trying to be friends. You still have feelings for him if you’re getting upset by the way he interacts with other women, so this is not a healthy dynamic. Distance yourself.

Post # 4
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee

I personally would not be able to be friends with a guy I liked who just dumped me. I feel like you’re just torturing yourself by hanging out with him. I would let him know you need to move on and that you’re going your separate ways. I also don’t see how hanging out with him is helping his depression. That sounds like your excuse to continue to see him.

Post # 5
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

Uhhh… no. Cut your losses with this one and let him handle his crap on his own.

Post # 6
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

At the end of the day the only one that can make the decision is you, but as someone who has been in a similar situation, I think it would be best for you to step back for a while. I totally understand where he is coming from, and I don’t think the flirting with the new girl means anything – but it is hard for you to watch and it’s not fair for him to expect you to watch that and be there for him. Anyone in your position would be upset by that. Your feelings matter just as much as his, and you should not put them aside to be there for him. He’s in a support group, he’s getting help. That’s great. I know you care about him, and he may care about you…but you need to prioritize what you need emotionally because he can’t/won’t right now. 

Post # 7
Member
3070 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

He is not your responsibility, especially if hanging out with him takes an emotional toll on you.

He broke up with you because he felt he wasn’t in a good place in a relationship but it sounds like he’s trying to create a situation in which he gets the emotional support and companionship of a relationship without the commitment. That’s not fair to you. 

Depression sucks and it’s hard to deal with, but millions of people do it every single day without relying on people to accommodate them in one-sided relationships.

Post # 8
Member
1322 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think you need to step back from this.  It may be possible to be friends at some point in the future but for your own mental/emotional health that needs to be a long while from now.  

Post # 10
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

I think breaking up with you but asking to stay friends (knowing you still have feelings for him) was incredibly selfish on his part. This way he gets to have all the benefits of emotional support and companionship from you without having to provide you with any commitment or support in return.

I know firsthand how difficult living with depression is having suffered from it myself, but he really needs to figure it out own his own. He needs to reach out to an appropriate support network and seek professional help, but you cannot let him lean on you like this. Not healthy for anyone.

Post # 11
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

magiccircle :  Be honest with him. Tell him that for your own mental health, you don’t think you can be friends right now. Let him know you still care about him and don’t want to cut him out forever, but you’re not as okay with this breakup as you thought you were.

Post # 13
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

magiccircle :  I think you should cut off contact altogether. TBH it sounds like he is manipulating you and taking advantage of you. He doesn’t have the emotional capacity to be in a relationship with you but he still wants you around to fulfill his needs? Nah. Get out of there. You have to look out for you and let him deal with his depression with trained professionals and his support group. 

Post # 14
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

magiccircle :  I get you bee, I know it’s not easy, I myself behaved inappropriately with an ex when I was depressed and single at the same time. It is selfish, and I can tell you from my experience that it’s definitely not helping him either. As hard as it is you need to let each other go

Post # 15
Member
3070 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

magiccircle :  Just be honest.

“I thought that I wanted to remain friends but I’m finding it difficult to move on from the relationship when we are hanging out and talking all the time so it needs to stop, at least for the foreseeable future.”

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