Post # 32
I think I would need more information on what exactly the texts said before I could decide. Honestly I don’t know what to think. He texted her for 3 years?
I would probably go with my instincts on this. I think you would know deep down if this was uncharacteristic and he was truly sorry vs. he is only sorry because he got caught and it is in his personality/nature to do this type of thing again.
Post # 33
@cocomo: Yes he definitely cheated. It was definitely wrong. I understand how you feel betrayed.
But the next steps he took was appropriate I think. If I was in your shoes, I’d put wedding on hold. And maybe take a counseling with him. It depends on if you can really forgive and if you and completely trust him that he won’t do any such thing again.
My fiance should not give any woman attention but me. He should not let anyone else fill special.
This is absolutely right. And the biggest concern to me in the description is the time frame. Are you religous as well? Try to seek a counseling together. If you are not confident about forgiveness and trust, I think you should not take him back. But we’re all human. If he understands how wrong he was, really repents, you two could save your relationship.
My advice to summarize – don’t take him back unless you are confident that you can truly forgive him and trust him. But, seek a help, if you still love him. Forgiveness is a wondeful thing when it meets a true repentence.
Post # 34
I am religious. I am catholic. I know I can forgive him because he can be so wonderful. we bought a house together. We remodeled it ourselves. We’ve spend amazing times and always enjoy eachothers company. Like I said he was always with me. Always came home to me. I never once felt like I wasn’t the only one. He’s always been there for me supportive of anything. No one that we know would believe he did this because he never showed signs of being this kind of person. He would tell me how he couldn’t wait to see me in my wedding dress. And that he was hoping he could hold back from crying. On our engagement party his mom told me about the day he told her he was going to propose. And said I found her. I can’t wait to have baies with her. etc etc. Thats is why I wonder did he lie to everyone else and was only truthful to her or what? He could be simgle and do this things out in the open with out having to worry. I can’t understand why he’s not chosing that. Obviously a part of him made him act like he was.
Post # 35
So just basically saying back to you what you yourself have said: you don’t understand why he did what he did, and you wonder how he is the same person who has said/done all these wonderful things with you -your house, etc.
If you feel you need an answer, I don’t think you’re going to get one – and definitely not the one you’re looking for.
We all have different “sides” to ourselves, or different aspects of our personalities. This man has felt the need for his ego to be stroked; or like you yourself have said, he needed the attention. I would personally not be able to trust that he wouldn’t find himself in another place of insecurity and seek out more of the same, and potentially make it physical as well.
I would cut my losses – trust is that important to me.
To the other posters- yes, I believe your Fiance should make you feel special and ONLY you. That doesn’t mean he can’t talk to other women, for heaven’s sake. But to carry on emotionally, text for such a long period of time, to continually allow the cycle of this emotionally needy other woman to pursue him – that is NOT okay, and that does not mean the OP is being crazy possessive. She is delineating boundaries, which is good, and healthy.