Post # 1
I love my fiance and I think he is absolutely perfect for me… but his last name isn’t.
I have always been really partial to my whole name. I just think everything about it is really unique and suits me.
I always knew it would be a difficult thing for me to give up my last name. Now that I know what my name will be changed to, I’m having a harder time with the idea. I cringe at the thought of it. It sounds really cutesy and some people like it but I’m not a fan of cutesy.
For me, hyphenating is not an option. My mom brought up the fact that people will call me [name removed] regardless of whether or not I legally change my name.
I’ve asked my fiance and he genuinely does not mind either way. The battle is really with myself.
Anyway, let me hear your reasons for taking or not taking his last name.
Post # 3
I think you need to do what you feel most comfortable with. I personally love love love my maiden name so much more than my married name but it grows on me everyday. My maiden name was very italian and super unique. I had never met anyone outside of family with my last name until very recently, and she lives in Italy! My husbands last name is one of the most common last names in the US and I was really reluctant to go from unheard of to common but in the end its just a name and i’m glad i share my last name with my husband. Thats just what worked for me.
Post # 4
I’m not taking his last name. I have a last name. I don’t require a new one. I think it’s a lovely tradition for whoever wants to do it, but it isn’t for me. I am happy to be called his name socially, but I have a career built around my own last name.
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. It’s your choice!!!
Post # 5
Well, I do plan on taking his name and legally making my maiden name my second middle name. But, I do often get sad about losing my last name because it’s unusual and there’s only one boy in the family to carry it on and he’s three-years-old, so who knows.
If feel terrible about this, but the one big reason I wouldn’t take my FI’s name is…that I really don’t like his family and the thought of having that last name makes me cringe sometimes. I feel so awful even typing it. And when Fiance says, “You’ll be one of us soon” it makes me shudder. But, I also hate the theory that the bride magically morphs into her husband’s family, leaving behind her own.
Regarding being called Mrs. FI’s Surname no matter what, I know plenty of women who didn’t legally take their husband’s name and no one calls them by it. If I was introduced to a woman by her maiden name, I’d assume she kept it or goes by it professionally, etc. and wouldn’t just call her Mrs. Fiance Surname.
Post # 6
Would you drop your middle name if you take his last name? Jaynie Clelie Juneau sounds really nice! I honestly might even like it more than your current last name, though its really cool and unique. Or you can have two middle names? Does he feel strongly either way? Idk, obviously its completely up to you. If you dont want to take his name than don’t, I think I will also be sticking with my name because I like it.
Post # 7
I also loved my maiden name (it’s connected to a famous poet, who I AM related to!) whereas DH’s last name is also a pretty common US last name. But I loved more the idea of us sounding unified as a family, esp as he’s in the military and everyone was calling me Mrs. His-Last-Name even before I got around to changing it.
I do miss my name but being Mrs. His has also really grown on me. And we decided, even before we got married, that we’d give our son (assuming we have one) my maiden name as a middle name, and hope he carries it down in his family.
You don’t have to decide right away – you can always wait and change it later. I’ve heard of women doing this once they have kids. Don’t stress about it too much!
Post # 8
I’m having a hard time with this as well! I think I’ve decided to take his last name though. I have the same prob as @totheislnds because I love my unique last name and FI’s is so generic. The more I’ve thought about it though, the more I want to share his last name. It’s very weird though because I never thought I would! In my opinion, I think you should focus on whether or not sharing his last name is important to you, not just how it sounds. I think that it’s more important to be ok with giving up your last name for his and if that’s the case, then oh well, you have an alliterative name 🙂
Post # 9
I think it’s a personal choice each person should make for themselves. If you don’t like the sound of it, don’t do it. Simple as that, and your mom is right I know a couple of people who didn’t change and they still get referred to by their husbands last name in certain settings.
Post # 10
Why change your name if you don’t want to? Do what is right for you. Your name, your life.
Post # 11
[names removed for privacy]
I hate when women don’t take the man’s name, so I say change your name.
Post # 12
Do whatever feels best for you…I personally took his last name…doesn’t flow as well as my maiden name, but I didn’t have any loyalty to my last name since my father was a deadbeat dad anyways.
Post # 13
I’ll be honest and say it totally played a part for me. I have an Irish first name and DHs last name is very Italian… and they sound ridiculous together. It wasn’t my only reason for keeping my maiden name, but it was a consideration.
Post # 14
@ThingsThatShine: Well, that felt like a personal attack. You never said why ‘you hate when women don’t take the man’s last name’ though.
Post # 15
I never was attached to my name until I realized getting married meant I would have to change it. My given name was long and although not difficult there is a similar name that seemed to confuse people. I got use to how I should tell people to spell my name and to writing it. My husbands name is also long and the meant that hyphenating my name would be supper duper long, I just was not a fan. I also because of my profession will be going by my last name and thought hyphenating it would complicate things. My husbands name, and now mine, is also a common adjective so I thought it would be nice to not constantly correct people on my name, have to explain the origin of my name, or spell my name. However I was wrong apparently people need to go back to English class, and no I am not related to them but In the end I have the same name as my husband and we are the “our name” I guess it helped me with the reality of finally being married and becoming a family. It was important to me that our family shared a name, I wanted the unification of sharing a name.
Post # 16
I love my last name, and it’s rather uncommon, even in Norway, but it is a pain when abroad, as no one can pronounce it. Living in the UK I would love a last name people can pronounce, and I also love the idea of sharing the last name of my future husband and our future children. I’m keeping my maiden name as a middle name, though, as I want to hold on to it. Any children will also get it as a middle name, as I want them to have part of their Norwegian heritage.