Post # 1
my parents have offered enough money to pay for a nice wedding for me. however, among ither offences, they recently sold our family’s summer cottage of 40 years without involving me and my siblings in the process and I feel very hurt by this. The cottage selling and the wedding money offer happened within months of each other, but I’m given the impression that the wedding money is not from the sale, it was saved a long time ago. I feel really angry about some other stuff as well as the cottage sale, and feel that if I take their money it won’t be with a pure heart because I haven’t been able to get over this recent affront to what I consider our family’s legacy. so I’ve declined their offer and now my parents are totally hurt…. details aside, should I take their money despite harboring anger towards them? not everyone has an awesome relationship with their parents, but do you have to take their money regardless?
Post # 3
That’s a tough one – well, at first my parents weren’t crazy about my Fiance and threatened not to pay for anything but then once we actually starting going off and paying for things ourselves, they realized that they wanted to be involved and everyone’s happy now. I could have held a grudge and not accepted the money but I also wouldn’t have had as beautiful a wedding and I would remember for the rest of my life that I denied my parents that opportunity to be involved.
You don’t have to take their money if you don’t want to but it might be there way of trying to make ammends and if it hurts them, then I don’t know if its worth it?
Post # 4
Yes, you should accept their offer if you would like the help. And you should let the anger go – I know it’s hard letting a childhood house go, I ws upset when my parents moved from the home I grew up in, but I wasn’t angry with the, that would be silly. They are adults and their homes and money are their decision alone, not yours or your siblings.
Post # 5
I say let the anger go. Don’t take the money even if there weren’t issues in the picture. You’ll feel better and more independent about paying for it yourselves without any anger stuff related.
Post # 6
@sequoiawedding: they recently sold our family’s summer cottage of 40 years without involving me and my siblings in the process and I feel very hurt by this.
It wasn’t YOUR cottage to begin with…or did you pay into the mortgage?
Post # 7
I think you need to let your anger go. Honestly it sounds like you’re being unreasonable. Remember that your parents are normal people just like you and they have other concerns than what you and your siblings want. Try to mend your relationship with your parents. Accept their offer of financial help and try to bond with them over wedding planning.
Post # 8
@happyface: I don’t want to be mean, but I was going to say the same thing as RoxanneV.
If you were never the house owner, you don’t get a say when parents want to sell it. You never contributed financially, why do you think you get to decide if they need to keep it or not.
Think about it. You are building a new home together with your Fiance too right? Every kid get to do this when they start a family. You will get attached to your new house soon enough 🙂
And I can see you will miss the house, but having anger towards them is just silly. If this is the only reason you are mad at them. I think you should take the money if you would like the help. If you are okay to have the wedding on your own, then you don’t need to.
Post # 9
FI’s dad (and the dad’s sister and brother) are all coowners of a house on Orcas Island, WA on the water now that the parents have passed one. The land alone is worth 1 million! However, Fiance would not be expected to be part of the decision making process should they sell.
I understand though you have other issues besides the house that you are upset about.
Post # 10
Let the anger go, as tough as it is to realize, it was their home, not yours, and they have a right to do as they please, so unless you and your siblings were planning to purchase it, it’s a moot point. I would take the money and thank them.
Post # 11
okay, thanks everyone. I think it’s more complicated then I explained but I really appreciate the input, it has helped.
Post # 12
None of us are owed anything by our parents. Many families have to sell a cottage because:
– they need to free up their equity for other things
– they know that if they left it to the children there would be nothing but battles about who gets to use it when- the reality is that many families are dysfunctional and this would be just one more thing to fight about
– they realized that they can’t offer to sell it to the children because they can’t all afford to buy, and again- more fighting and jealousy
– it’s their cottage and they can do whatever they want with it.
If you really feel that you are entitled to dictate what your parents do, and are going to harbor your anger, then I wouldn’t take their money.
Post # 13
At the request of the OP this thread is closed.