(Closed) should I take the ring out of the equation?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your ring idea sounds really stunning, and the fact that it’s a family stone is really awesome, too. Would you be okay with wearing the ring as it is right now and then getting it modified later? That way, you would have the ring and he could save up over a little more time to get the ring the way you want it.

Post # 4
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you just want to be married and SO is only holding off because he has to save for the ring then why not just get married? I got a cheap ring off etsy just because I had to have something for the ceremony (planning other things ate up our budget) and we’ll get the ring I want later.

I think those detailed bands can tend to be more expensive, and custom orders can take weeks. Unless you get silver, that could be cheaper… and would probably be very pretty with the details you want.

There’s no reason why your dream ring can’t become an anniversary present later on down the road. I’d say see what he says about getting married without all the bells and whistles. For some men the ring is important, others don’t care. I’m all for getting married and worrying about the jewelry later 🙂

Post # 5
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Personally, I think your should focus on the realtionship, not on the jewelry.  Why not get the ring now and use as is and sometime after the wedding have it reset?

When you are ready for that, you will need to go to a professional jeweler probably with his own business.  Most chain stores don’t have actualy jewelry designers on site who can customize byond changing the type of medal from what’s in the store. 

Post # 6
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Moja Milosc:  The only problem with silver is it would have to be temporary because silver bands will warp, scratch and dent. Within a year or two it will be pretty rough.

I have never got a custom setting, but I would assume it would be more than $1000, only because they first hand carve a sample, you approve it, it is mad einto a mold and the setting is created. After that it would have to be detailed/filed if there are any rough spots, plated in rhodium and then your stone set in it. I would assume the white gold cost on that would be already upwards of $500, so I’d think the total cost would be significantly higher.

Why not call around and get some quotes to see what the price would be?

Post # 8
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I edited my response because, wow, after reading your previous threads, there are SO many other things at play in your relationship right now that resetting a stone is seriously the least of your worries.  Sorry if that’s too blunt, but  1. His parents hate you and your child, 2. He lives with those toxic parents 4. He has testicular cancer 5. His parents don’t appreciate what you do for their son, 6. HE CHOOSES THEM OVER YOU! I could go on…

Post # 9
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just going off your OP and not anything else that people have brought up….

Like Windcriesamy says you could wear it now and get the setting changed later.  However it’s not hard to change settings.  I was given my diamond in a plain solitaire “presentation” setting in order to allow me to choose my own ring (minus the stone) while still keeping the proposal a complete surprise. 

After we were engaged I chose  the setting I wanted and my stone was then removed from the solitaire setting and put into the new one.  There are all sorts of variables that affect the price (type of metal used, intricacy of design, if you want side stones or pave, etc) but it doesn’t have to be crazy expensive.  Do some research (google ring settings, especially art deco, because I think they used a lot of bezels and nature motifs) and see if there’s something you like that would fit your stone, and also talk to a reputable jeweler about getting a custom price.  

I ended up getting a custom setting because my stone was too big to fit into any of the beautiful vintage settings I found and I wanted to combine different elements of new rings I found, but I think that the custom setting was about the same as buying a designer ring.  Just be sure if you go this route you find a good jeweler.  I recommend going on Pricescope and seeing if anyone there can recommend a jeweler for where you live.  Actually Pricescope is the place to go if you have ANY ring question.

Post # 11
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Don’t you think, because you’ve only known him for 8 months, that you’re rushing things a bit?

Post # 12
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Mrs. Harmony:  I’m not entirely sure about this, but if you get the white gold now and leave the engraving til later, you may end up buying two settings instead of just one.  Maybe you’re okay with that, but talk to the jeweler first before you assume he can add engraving on the ring later. 

Post # 13
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t give him the ring and tell him to use it whenever he decides to. It’s not that you’re taking the fun out of the process, it’s that it comes off as pushy and controlling.  Only after Fiance & I had discussed marriage and our future several times and he brought up purchasing a ring did I send him pictures of what I wanted because he asked for them. 

I get that this was a post about a ring but I think you’re putting the cart before the horse. Get your relationship sorted out and then start thinking about the ring. 

Post # 14
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@GoldfishPie: I don’t know the OP’s history, but keep in mind that every relationship is different and runs on a different timeline.   My parents had one date before they got engaged.  My FI’s parents dated a month before they got engaged.  Both sets of our parents are still married after 30+ years.  I wouldn’t necessarily choose that timeline for myself, but I also wouldn’t choose any timeline for anyone else.  You just never know.

Post # 15
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

does he know about this stone from G-ma? What was his reaction to that? He might feel like he wants to personalize it, or he might feel pressured if you are just giving it to him? Not sure. What kind of guy is he? Take charge? Go with the flow? Planner? Last minute fly by the seat of your pants? 

Non ring related: It seems like everyone involved is going through an incredibly hard time and this might not be the right time to get engaged and married on a tight time frame. I know the hard times are what really pull people together but there is still a sense of “non reality” to it. When all this settles I think you will see better how your lives would be together. Issues with the familiy are really important to figure out, and to be blunt it’s probably not high on their priority list right now to make you happy and involved, their son has cancer and THAT is their priority. Maybe after this all winds down things will be awesome with the FILS because they know you will be there for him, or maybe things will still be bad and then you need to work with SO to figure out how you two as a family want to function and how the issues with his parents will be addressed.

That’s just my 2 cents.

Post # 16
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@Ms. Martian:  I completely agree.

I know that everyone is different, but my SO would be really upset if he didn’t get to be involved in the process and be in control of it. With all that you both are going through right now in terms of the cancer it might just be better to keep quiet for a little while unless he brings it up or suggests that you be more involved and take control of the engagement/proposal.

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