(Closed) Should I take this job and how will it affect our marriage?

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: Should I take up the pilot job, considering my to be husband is a pilot too?
    YES : (3 votes)
    5 %
    NO : (49 votes)
    86 %
    I'm as confused as you! : (5 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I actually know people who are in a long distance marriage due to career, and it has worked out (i.e. they are not divorced) for almost 10 yrs now.

    However, this is something I would never do. The length of commitment is the main factor that I would not be able to deal with.

    Post # 4
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    it sounds like this job is going to mess up a lot of your plans. You have to decide if your plans with your Fiance are as important as this career choice. Financially, it sounds like this job will also be more of a burden in the short term, which might strain your relationship as well. You have to see how your Fiance feels. 

    Also, if you’re uncomfortable with LDR, you have to tell your Fiance so. He might be able to make you feel better about it, or he might express similar concern. An LDR can work for some people, but your situation sounds like it’ll be a hard one to navigate. My advice is to see how your Fiance feels. Good luck!

    Post # 5
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    The money investment required seems outlandish to me.  If it was a commitment of just a year or two, maybe.  But 5 years is a long time.  I wouldn’t put $50,000 on the line as a guarentee I’d stay around for 5 years.

    Something feels very “off” about it.

    Post # 6
    5400 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I wouldn’t. My brother is a pilot so I know how hard it is to get commercial jobs, but he refuses to take a commercial job because he will never have time with his wife or to do anything he enjoys. He’s a flight instructor now, which doesn’t pay as well as flying commercial, but he’s much happier. You could try to find opportunities flying corporate, but that’s really difficult as well. If you have other options like writing, I would stick to that. 

    Post # 7
    1749 posts
    Bumble bee

    @skyfall:  I would not give up 50k and my husband for a job. No way.

    Post # 8
    46612 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Frankly, it sounds a little fishy to me. No one should have to shell out that kind of money to get a job. I suggest you do a bit more research on this company.

    Post # 9
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    If a family is something you both want, I’d concentrate on that (and not take the job).  Something that would be a 60K investment at age 30 does not seem inline with wanting to start and raise a family.

    Post # 10
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Is this usual to put up so much money for this type of job? Normally jobs give you sign on bonuses, not the other way around! lol

    Post # 11
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I didn’t get a sense from your post about whether you actually want this job–is it just that it’s a higher salary than what you have now? or would this be more personally fulfilling to you? I think if it’s the money, then the sacrifices involved (you mentioned: moving, ldr, maybe pushing back when you have kids, plus having to put a lot of money down) don’t sound like they’re worth it. but if this is your dream job, and you think you’d be happier doing this than doing anything else, well then maybe it is worth it.

    Post # 12
    986 posts
    Busy bee

    As PPs have said, it sounds very fishy. And I have to be honest and say that while I have ambitions in my career and want to pursue them, my husband and family will come first for me always. So if it came down to job or family, I’d choose to start the family. Good luck with whichever decision you make!

    Post # 13
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My father is a pilot, and this sounds SUPER fishy to me. I have never heard of jobs where you have to take out loans and pay THEM. This sounds like a scam to be honest. Do your research before getting any money involved.

    ETA: I have never heard of anyone pilot paying for their “training cost”. In fact, even though my dad has worked for his complany for 20+ years, they still have to shell out $10K for him to complete flight safety training in TX every single year!

    Post # 14
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @Mrs.KMM:  +1. Without even considering the long-distance marriage aspect, I’d decline the offer due to this.

    Post # 15
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    You may want to spend a little time on http://airlinepilotforums.com (not surprisingly, also owned by Internet Brands, the owner of weddingbee— those guys own pretty much half the forum-type sites out there in the USA) and get a better idea of what’s going on in the industry.  I found this one thread that has some useful bits regarding the training deposits:  http://www.airlinepilotforums.com/archive/index.php/t-70196.html

    From what I understand, this kind of deposit is fairly customary, although if the OP is already trained as a pilot, she shouldn’t need flight school, although if she’s trained on one type of aircraft, the costs and training might be for a different aircraft (not all pilots are allowed to fly every type of plane).  This is what prevents a rookie pilot or flight attendant from working a year in the regional jets/commuter jets subcontracted to the major carriers, then leaving for a more lucrative job with the majors.  The high turnover, low pay and rough schedules in the regionals were part of the factors contributing to the crash of CO3407 in 2009, and there’s no surprise that the regionals were paying for flight schools only to find their recruits jumping over to the mainline carriers.

    At any rate– OP I would be absolutely against this, because I find the airline industry far too volatile to place all of my household’s income in the airlines’ hands.  If you have two dentists, or two librarians,  or professors  or two barristas forming a household, even though you’re in the same line of work, there’s only a small chance that the industry itself will tank and you’ll both be out of jobs. In commercial aviation, the risk is huge: even if you don’t work for the same airline, with the constant rounds of mergers, acquisitions and bankruptcies, the chances that both of you will be unemployed in 10 years is pretty high, and the chances of one of you being unemployed is even higher.  Especially you as the low man on the seniority pole.  I’d set my sights on flying for non-traditional purposes: charter services like NetJets, or cargo services.

    Without even digging into how to make a LDR work or if you’d be happy raising kids in a strange city, I put the economic risk to be too high to even consider this.

    Post # 16
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I agree that there is something wrong with paying $60,000 to GET a job. Also, as you mentioned, you are both pilots and living in the same city, you will be working different schedules and you won’t see each other much as it is.

    Some people can make this work, but leaving out the money aspect, moving to a different city and trying to sustain your marriage is very difficult.

    I just spent six entire months away from my husband, I’m giving up my job in a few weeks and we are going back to where we met and he grew up. He cannot move his business out to LA but I can work on either coast and it’s just not worth being apart. For any amount of money.

    Life is really short and I want to spend all of it with my husband. Jobs are more limited for me where we live, but it’s worth the sacrifice.

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