(Closed) Should I talk to FI’s parents about budget stress?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Definately don’t speak a word of this to them. They are giving you what they feel they would like.

If anything your Fiance should take the 28 person guestlist and say we can’t afford them all. So we’re going to have to cut, and or fork over more money. But you need to stay out of it.

 

Post # 5
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would not complain to them at all. They do not have to contribute and telling them about how hard it is to pay for a wedding isn’t going to make them change their mind.

let them know how much sacrificing Fiance and I are having to do to make this wedding happen”

It’s your wedding, you and your Fiance should be the one who are sacrificing. You should have the wedding you and your Fiance can afford. And since you are paying and if you can’t afford it set the rules. Tell each side how many people they can invite, if you can’t afford an open bar don’t have one, etc.

DH’s parents have plenty of money and they didn’t give us a dime. We were lucky that my parents helped but his parents could care less and me complaining to them about the stress would only have made things worse.

Post # 7
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really don’t think either of you should say anything, but if one of you does, it should definitely be your Fiance, you should stay out of it.  I can be fairly open with my Mother-In-Law, but I can’t imagine asking her for money…

I agree with vmec that if they’re not contributing you should take control of the guest list and planning based on what you can afford to pay.  Your budget shouldn’t be based around an extra $5,000 that they aren’t offering up, and if they’re not paying, they shouldn’t be dominating the guest list.  Where did the $13,000 budget come from? If all you can afford is $8,000… well, that’s your budget.

Post # 8
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Bichon Frise: If you’d rather elope, just do it!  The beauty of eloping is that you’re not supposed to tell anyone until you get back, then it’s just done. 

Post # 10
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel like we are in a similar situation to yours.  I’ve been engaged a year (almost to the day) and have yet to put down a deposit on the venue due to budget issues.  I was too raised by my grandparents and couldn’t dream of asking them to spare anything.  My parnets (who are very much in my life too) said initially they would give 10K.  Well over time that number dropped to 5K… and is now sitting at 3K!!!!  My fiance’s family is very wealthy and helped us buy a home.. therefore we cannot ask for more assistance. His family has offered 9K bringing us to 12K.  To be honest, its a ruff spot to be in; trying to have the dream wedding and learning that your dream in turn won’t be what you want it to be… BUT.. I think this is where you need to stop trying to make everyone happy and just make yourself happy.  What makes you happy?  If you get married abroad or stay and have a wedding at home, the only way you will enjoy the day is if it is to your chosing.

Post # 11
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Even you with him “sitting them down” that’ll feel, look, and sound like parents lecturing their children. The exact oppposite of what you hope to accomplish. Don’t say anything at all. Be thankful they even gave you $1750. (And hope that some of them don’t come).

Post # 12
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You sent save the dates, but you can always move venues.  Make it a cake and punch reception at a church hall or punblic park or library and provide appetizers, booze, cake and call it a day.  Take the 6,750 you have and do whatever that will let you afford.  

Have Fiance explain to them that you cannot afford to feed this many people, so they either need to accept your lower budget arrangement, or kick in more money. 

Post # 13
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I’ve gotta ask:  how did the guest list get to be what it is, and Save-The-Date Cards sent out, before your budget was created?

Post # 14
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You are going to come off as begging for money. 

Post # 16
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Bichon Frise:  I totally understand.  Unfortunately your niceness is your fatal flaw – you gave up your control and now you’re paying the price – literally 🙁  It’s too late to bring up any kind of financial burden to your FI’s family since you didn’t do anything to control the costs up-front.  

I’d consider scaling back on the event itself – maybe change venues, but if not, pare down the food and drink options.  Do a cash bar (yeah I said it), or don’t have booze at all and go out afterward to the bar with your friends/family who want to drink the night away. 

I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but unfortunately its way too late to discuss money issues with your FI’s family, or anyone else.  You just have to deal with it yourself, whether that means picking up the difference or scaling back.  🙁

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