(Closed) Should I talk to FI’s parents about budget stress?

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 19
Member
4883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Bichon Frise:  Short answer:  yep.  They want to pay for a rehearsal dinner, not give you $1750 in cash.  It’s time to start thinking of ways to come up with the money to take the edge off.  Sell some stuff (gold/items on ebay/your FI’s car… haha kidding, kinda), pick up a couple hours at a part time job, etc.

Post # 20
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree that it’s too late to discuss money with them. Your Fiance should have had a conversation a long time ago. First saying, we are only haing this wedding because you want it so unless youawait to contribute we can only invite x amount of people……

What is your menu like? Can it be a closed menu with only less expensive items? A Buffett? Maybe your guesta can pay for their own alcohol? Can you change the time to earlier because people may tend to drink less during the day? Also, maybe skip the rehearsal dinner?

Post # 22
Member
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@justelope: I totally agree with this. I think that they should chip in since it’s mostly their guests anyway, but you can’t bring this up to them. Say you are downgrading the venue, doing cake and punch reception, etc. and maybe they will offer to throw in more money, especially since they wanted you to have this wedding in the first place. They just may not realize how much of a burden it is to you guys.

I wouldn’t ask for the $1750 in cash-I would seriously just say we can’t afford the wedding so we are downgrading, therefore there is no need for a rehearsal dinner and see what they say.

Post # 23
Member
15516 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah, I’m sorry, but it seems too late to have the budget and guest list talk.  You already picked your path before fighting the battles that should have been fought.  If you want to bring it up to them now, I dont think its too late to ask, but its up to your Fiance to talk to his parents.  I dont think you should be the one to bring it up to them at all. 

Post # 24
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it would be ok to say we are having a really hard time with paying for everything, and ask for there input.. Like say “what if we did this, or that…maybe they will get the point. Maybe tell them that you are seriously considering no alcohol, something like “well, we may not be doing alcohol, at first we wanted to, but with this many people on our guest list it is costing us $5,000 and we just can’t really afford that..” hopefully they will offer more money or they will suggest skipping the rehearsal dinner and giving you the money 

Post # 25
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I understand why you feel this way, but in all reality its not mandatory of his parent to contribute.  they offered some money and you should be happy with it. You are the ones choosing to get married, not them, and its your responsibilty to foot the bill.

Post # 26
Member
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@adnama: Should the OP be the one to foot the bill if the FI’s parents talked them into it? I feel like since a huge chunk of why they’re having this wedding is for the parents, they should offer to pay for it.

Post # 27
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You and your Fiance should have the wedding not only what you want but what you can afford without help from anyone. If it’s eloping then it’s eloping. If it’s a small wedding with only immediate family and friends then it’s a small wedding. No one should dictate the guest list without putting money in. It’s seems they want to drive the wedding bus but not put in any gas. Paying for the rehearsal dinner is a nice offer but it doesn’t include 48 family members like the wedding.

If you want to change the wedding it’s never to late even if you sent STD’s. Tell those that have recieved them “There’s been a change in plans….”. When I had a mini meltdown a few months before our wedding I told my fiance “We can change the venue, apologize and tell guests it’s going to be a small wedding with family and what ever deposits we put down will be lost but cheaper than going through the wedding as is”. He said not to worry, the money’s there but is having a reality check when it’s in black and white.

Wedding should be to celebrate the love between you and your future husband. It can be small or grand but it should be within the couples means. I’ve heard it over and over on the WB “If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for it”. Parents should respect thier adult children and the wedding they can afford and not dictate what they want unless they’re contributing financially.

Post # 28
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@Ill Be Mrs B: It’s seems they want to drive the wedding bus but not put in any gas.

Oh I freaking love that line. And its so appropriate in this case. I agree with all the previous posters who said not to ask them for any additional funds. But you should totally tell them that some elements have to change due to budget. Then if they feel the desire to contribute, fine. If not, as Tim Gunn would say “Make it Work” with what you’ve got.

Post # 29
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

my husband and I just got married in june and had the same issue. we are both in college and are 24 years old. We have been together 5 years and decided on a 16 month engament in made order for us to save enough. We didnt ask either of our parents for money as it is our choice to get married. We are the first to get married on both sides of the family. We set a $5,000 budget for 150 guests and made it work. I made everything for our wedding, found ways to save, and decided twhat was the major key things we wanted. We only had champagne for the head table and our immediate family everyone else cheered us with the drinks in hand. my bouquets were from sams club all 17 pieces only $305.00 and were beautiful.  (although i wanted peonys they were out of my rice range)  my mom paid for our flowers and his mom paid for our band.  just remember if theres a will theres a way!

Post # 30
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What if you approach them in the way that you need help to balance your wedding budget and you ‘KNOW’ that your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are good with their money so perhaps they could help?

Maybe that would open their eyes to the situation and amount of money everything costs without asking for more or without just telling them how stressed you are by their exhuberant guest list. By asking for help to trim the budget and go back to 10K or whatever it is you are comfortable with, it might allow them to see that you cannot accomodate 48 of their family members without more money, allowing them to either suggest triming a few of their guest list members or offering more money to cover your expenses.

I’m not sure if that would be rude or not, but I think that would be the approach I would take with my family/in-laws.

Post # 31
Member
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@takemyhand: I like this idea a lot too…your FI’s family just may not have any idea how much a wedding costs since they haven’t had to plan one. This could open up their eyes to the financial stress they are putting you under.

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